Out Of Engineer Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Out Of Engineer

View 11 - 20 results for out of engineer comic strips. Discover the best "Out Of Engineer" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineer up, #management support, #meeting, #boss ego, #master at work, #promised customer, #full management support, #sales meeting, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to the Boss, "I need your full management support in this meeting with sales." The Boss replies, "Just watch the master at work." A man says to the Boss, "I promised a customer a product that we don't make. You need to engineer-up a thousand units by early next week." The Boss asks, "Is Thursday okay?" As they walk away, the Boss says to Dilbert, "Wait until he finds out that Thursday isn't 'early next week.' Hee hee!"

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #interview, #applicant, #engineer, #standard, #pens, #pencil, #perform, #natural, #fabrics, #carry, #wearing

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Dilbert, I want you to interview the job applicant who's coming in today." The Boss continues, "See if he's got what it takes to be an engineer." Dilbert holds out his hand and says to the candidate, "Hi, Karl. We'll start with the standard engineering test." Karl says, "Okey dokey." Dilbert says, "I have thiry-five pens and pencils here. How many are really needed to perform your job?" Karl answers, "All of them." Dilbert says, "Correct . . . Now, what is the proper way to carry them with you?" Karl puts all of the pens and pencils in his shirt pocket. Dilbert says, "Right again. Last question: what is the advantage of wearing natural fabrics?" Karl thinks, "Uh-oh . . . Panic situation." Sweat flies off his forehead and his hair sticks up. He says, "I . . . I don't know." Dilbert says, "That's okay. I was testing your hair. You're an engineer." Karl smiles.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #queen bee, #marketing, #create a buzz, #free rope, #worthless engineer, #around neck, #over beam, #suicide, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Caption: "Queen bee of Marketing" A large bee women wearing glasses sits on a thrown. She hands a piece of paper to a man and says, "See if you can create a buzzover this." The man says, "Yes, my queen." The queen reached out to Dilbert who carries a coil of rope and says, "Is that free rope? Give it to me, you worthless engineer!" The queen bee wraps the rope around her neck and says, "Look everyone! There's enough to go around my neck and over that beam!" Dilbert tiptoes away.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #set up instructions, #read instructions, #true engineer, #set up, #slurping sounds

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Alice open a box as Wally stands by, drinking coffee. Alice says, "Dilbert, we should read the set-up instructions." Alice and Dilbert lift the contraption out of the box as Dilbert replies, "Alice, a true engineer never reads the set-up instructions." Wally takes a sip of coffee. Dilbert continues holding the contraption as Alice reads the instruction manual: "It says to keep it away from any slurping sounds." Just then, an arm reaches out and grabs Wally's head.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #out of engineer, #more adminstrative, #write reports, #gradually shift, #writing reports, #vegetative

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says to The Boss, "I'd like to make a gradual shift out of engineering and into something more administrative." Wally continues, "For example, I could write reports that tell other people how to do their jobs better." Wally concludes, "Then I could gradually shift out of writing reports and into something more vegetative."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #video compression, #electrical engineer, #only non engineeer, #stating obvious, #condescending

View Transcript

Transcript

Let me explain what video compression is... "Would you stop if I pointed out that everyone in this room except you is an electrical engineer?" "Zeros are round and fat compared to ones..." "I'm begging you..."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #few upgrades to design, #realize engineer, #graduate of liberal arts, #college, #broad exposure, #modern renaissance, #timing circuit, #moby dick, #charles dickens, #engineering classes, #poor engineers, #work is small, #education

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss hands Alice a piece of paper. He says, "I made a few upgrades to your design, Alice." Alice turns and says, "Do you realize you're not an engineer?" The Boss replies, "I'm better! I'm a well-rounded graduate of a liberal arts college." The Boss continues, "The broad exposure to diverse topics made me what I am today." The Boss says, "A modern renaissance man." Alice says, "You scribbled out my timing circuit and wrote in 'Moby Dick by Charles Dickens.'" The Boss says, "Exactly! I'll bet you didn't learn THAT in your engineering classes." The Boss walks away and thinks, "Poor engineers; there world is so small."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #new engineer, #cheap, #huge raise, #under budget, #static electricity, #fuzzy cute, #dead now

View Transcript

Transcript

Title reads: "Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources." Catbert is at his desk. He says to Dilbert, "I hired a new engineer for your project." Catbert unveils the new engineer. He is a joke. His tongue hangs out of his mouth, his eyes are wide, his collar is up and one side of his shirt is untucked. Catbert says, "He's never been an engineer before." Dilbert listens as Catbert continues, "But YOU'RE an engineer, so how hard could it be?" Catbert adds, "And he's cheap! I'll get a huge raise for being under budget." Dilbert is getting furious. Catbert exclaims, "And your project will fail! Ha Ha Ha Ha!" As the new engineer reaches towards him, Catbert realizes, "Uh-oh. I laughed myself full of static electricity." The new engineer thinks, "Fuzzy. Cute." and pets Catbert. "Zap!" Dilbert, standing over the body of the new engineer, asks, "He's dead. Now what?" Catbert replies, "I guess you'll have to drag him to the meetings."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quality tester, #version 2, #engineer, #overpaid, #appear, #performance review, #office politics, #raise, #arms out, #plan, #strategy, #wave folder in face, #angry, #bug eyes, #grit teeth, #insubordination, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Dilbert, I need you to help with quality testing on Version 2." Dilbert says, "I'm an engineer, not a quality tester.' Dilbert says, "If I do quality testing, even temporarily, it will make me appear grossly overpaid." Dilbert says, "That impression could work against me during my next performance review." Dilbert says, "A one percent difference in pay, compounded over the rest of my life, is big money." Dilbert says, "Obviously my best strategy here is to offer resistance that's just short of insubordination." Dilbert says, "So move on, little man! Scat! Go!" Dilbert says, "Too much?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frequent grocery club, #memebership, #Card, #engineer spittle, #carry card, #inconvienced, #junk mail list, #charge me same

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is at the checkout line of a supermarket. The cashier asks him, "Are you a member of our frequent grocery club?" Dilbert responds, "No, what is it?" The cashier replies, "You get a membership card that entitles you to discounts." Dilbert says, "Let's see if I have this straight..." Dilbert continues, "I'll be inconvenienced by having to fill out a form and carry your stupid card around..." Dilbert continues, "And in return, you'll put me on a junk mail list, and charge me the same as the grocery store across the street?" Dilbert yells, "AND YOU EXPECT ME TO BE HAPPY ABOUT IT?!!" The customer in line behind Dilbert says, "But it's free!" The cashier says into the intercom, "Cleanup on register two.. it's engineer spittle."