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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 1998's comic on:


Tags #earthlings, #susupicous, #competent and caring, #aliens, #aline dressed as boss, #helpful to carol

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In an alien space craft, two aliens converse with one another. One is dressed as The Boss and holds a 'The Boss' mask. The Boss is in a containment unit. The Boss alien says, "I think the earthlings are getting suspicious." As The Boss alien puts his mask on, the other alien replies, "Keep acting competent and caring. Our prisoner says that's how leaders act on their world." Back in the office, Carol sits at her computer terminal while The Boss says, "Carol, let me do the org chart on my PC. You have too much work already." Carol yelps, "AAAGH!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 2000's comic on:


Tags #ceo spokeperson, #leaning on chair, #dressed like nun, #director, #bossy, #blunt director

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Caption reads: "CEO as Spokesperson." The CEO asks, "Shouldn't I hold up our project instead of leaning on a chair?" Dogbert stands across from her with a camera and a beret on. Dogbert screams through a bullhorn, "NO!!" His screams blows the CEO's hair back. The CEO stands angrily with her hair tossled as Dogbert says, "That helped your hair but you're still dressed like a nun."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 25, 2001's comic on:


Tags #not answered email, #poorly written, #didn't undertsnd, #dare to start dialogue, #talk with boss, #email boss

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A coworker asks Dilbert, "Dude, why haven't you answered my e-mail?" Dilbert responds, "Your message was so poorly written that I didn't understand it and I didn't dare to start a dialogue." The coworker crosses his arms and says, "Maybe I should have a talk with your boss." Dilbert responds, "Maybe you should e-mail him."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 2003's comic on:


Tags #grabbed by hand, #my sales meeting, #dressed like god, #huge hand, #guy, #thought it would be funny, #hee hee

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The plane is shown being grabbed by a giant hand. A flight crew member announces, "Folks, please stay in your seats. We've been grabbed by a huge hand." The woman next to Dilbert looks terrified. Dilbert says, "I hope this has nothing to do with how I dressed for my sales meeting at the Vatican." Ratbert is watching television at home. A voice from the television says, "But it turned out to be a guy with a huge hand who said he 'thought it would be funny.'" Ratbert laughs, "Hee hee! Huge hand."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 2004's comic on:


Tags #poorly designed product, #ever been killed, #tainted research

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"This is the Dogbert research company. Have you ever been killed by a poorly designed product?" "My tainted research shows that your products haven't killed anyone." "For an extra $50,000, I can call a second person." "I don't want to jinx it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 1999's comic on:


Tags #process manager, #process, #poorly manged, #intern, #no process, #voted out of meeting, #annoying

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Wally, Dilbert, the Boss, and others are in a meeting. The Boss introduces the woman next to him to the group. The Boss says, "Patty is our new 'process manager.'" The Boss continues, "Patty doesn't know how to DO anything." He adds, "She only knows how to do things BETTER!" Patty raises a finger, "Process!" Patty says, "For example, this meeting is poorly managed because you have no process." Patty, turning to Asok, continues, "And this intern obviously had no process for deciding whether to attend." The Boss raises his hand. He addresses the group, "Okay, Patty is annoying. All in favor of getting rid of her." The entire group, except for Patty, raises their hands. Asok looks like he's going to strangle her. As they all leave the meeting behind the dejected Patty, Dilbert says to her, "You lasted longer than Timmy the 'Facilitator.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 25, 2005's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #expect raises, #bad ratings, #reflect poorly, #ability to motivate, #useless people, #feel bad

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. Catbert: "Don't rate any employees "excellent" because then they'd deserve raises." "Don't give any bad ratings either because it would reflect poorly on your ability to hire and motivate people." The boss: "How will I make the useless people feel bad if I'm rating them "good"?" Catbert: "Try using this scowl."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2005's comic on:


Tags #company policy, #least expensive flight, #17 connecting flights, #elbonain prison, #dressed as a ballerina, #desecrate monument

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"Per company policy, I got you the least expensive flight available." "Your trip will have 17 connecting flights and you're required to spend at least one night 'in an Elbonian prison, dressed as a ballerina.'" "How much would I have to desecrate a national monument to get one night in jail?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 15, 2005's comic on:


Tags #return frisbee, #doesn't fly, #software cd, #total idiot, #users manual, #poorly written

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"I'd like to return this Frisbee (TM). It doesn't fly right." "This is a software CD. Only a total idiot would think it was a Frisbee (TM)." "In my defense, the user's manual was poorly written." "Plus you're a total idiot."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2012's comic on:


Tags #anger, #honesty, #fester, #hatred, #pale doughy body, #tree of knowledge, #falls on head, #die ironically

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Boss: Carol, if you have any issues, just be honest. Don't let anything fester. Carol: I hate every subatomic particle in your pale, doughy body. I hope the tree of knowledge falls on your head so you die ironically. Boss: I need to rethink my no-festering rule. Carol: Tree of knowledge... get it?