Paper Cuts Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

376 Results for Paper Cuts

View 11 - 20 results for paper cuts comic strips. Discover the best "Paper Cuts" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #good, #articles, #paper, #magnets, #sign, #language, #write, #white, #influence, #project, #working, #minutia

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters holding a newspaper and says, "There are two good articles in the paper today; one about magnets, and one on sign language." The Boss continues, "I'd like you to write a white paper on how these items could influence the project you're working on." Dilbert asks, "Do you even know what project I'm working on?" The Boss replies, "I don't have time to get into minutia."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #the boss, #agenda, #discussion, #paper, #recycling, #program, #drawback

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and a woman sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "First on the agenda is a discussion of the company's new paper recycling program." Dilbert looks at the agenda and says, "We talked about that last time . . . Hey, this is last week's agenda." The Boss replies, "You spotted the one drawback."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 1993's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #whales, #extinct, #hear, #seeing-eye, #fetch, #paper, #drag, #mammals, #burning, #building

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk working on the computer. The Boss says, "Sometimes I wonder, how would MY life be different if all whales were extinct?" The Boss continues, "It's not like they do anything for us. You never hear of seeing-eye whales. They can't fetch the paper or drag you out of a burning building . . ." The Boss asks, "Don't you think the world has too many fat, worthless mammals?" Dilbert replies, "I was just thinking that, sir."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #employees, #valuable, #asset, #the boss, #afraid, #carbon, #paper

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Wally, Ted and the Boss sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I've been saying for years that 'employees are our most valuable asset.'" The Boss continues, "It turns out that I was wrong. Money is our most valuable asset. Employees are ninth." Wally says, "I'm afraid to ask what came in eighth." The Boss replies, "Carbon paper."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 1994's comic on:


Tags #budget analyst, #budget cuts, #intelligent choices, #understand enginering, #strategy

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Susan, I want you to make some budget cuts throughout my department. Susan: But Im only the budget analyst. I couldn't understand all the engineering projects enough to make intelligent choices. The Boss: Really? Great! I thought it was just me! Susan: Shall I whomp up a strategy while Im at it?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 1994's comic on:


Tags #market research, #market segment, #wild fungi, #pencil erasers, #head rubbed, #piece of paper

View Transcript

Transcript

"I'd like your opinion for my market research, Ratbert." "Me?!!" "I've lumped you in the market sgetment that includes wild fungi and pencil erasers." "Question one: would you enjoy having your head rubbed vigorously on a piece of paper?" "Who wouldn't?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 1995's comic on:


Tags #ass six meetings, #customer focus, #micro management, #egomaniacal mahifest, #survival, #paper towels, #mens room

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. Reading a report, the Boss says, "Change these dates . . . and add six more meetings and use the phrase 'customer focus.'" Dilbert looks down at the desk where a tiny figure has appeared. Dilbert says, "Uh-Oh . . . your micro-management has caused my ego to manifest itself and beg for survival." The tiny figure says, "I'm shrinking!" The Boss splats the tiny figure with a fly swatter and says to Dilbert, "Run and get me some paper towels . . . five of them . . . from the men's room."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 16, 1995's comic on:


Tags #paper burning stove, #lower heating bills, #useless documents, #love your work, #warm feeling

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert installs a stove while Dogbert watches. Dilbert says, "I'm installing a paper-burning stove to lower our heating bills." Dilbert says, "I'll fuel it with all the useless documents I get at work." At the office, the Boss sees Dilbert carrying a stack of papers and asks, "I've been noticing how much stuff you take home. You must love your work." Dilbert replies, "It gives me a warm feeling."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 11, 1995's comic on:


Tags #managers, #another closed door, #meeting, #pay cuts, #layoffs, #resume, #leadership vsion, #inspire employees, #action, #upgardes, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss and a woman walk by Dilbert's cubicle holding folders. Leaning back in his chair to look out of the cubicle, Dilbert thinks, "Uh-Oh . . . the managers are going to another closed-door meeting." Dilbert thinks, "It must be about pay cuts or layoffs. I'm doomed. I'd better work on my resume NOW." He pulls nervously at his tie, his hair stands on end and beads of sweat fly from his forehead. The Boss sits around a conference table with three other managers. Reading from a document, he says, "Okay, so far our 'leadership vision' says 'we inspire employees to action.' Does anybody have upgrades?" Another man responds, "Nah."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 25, 1995's comic on:


Tags #greatest accomplishemnts, #big raise, #draft, #white paper, #impact of work, #owls, #losy woodland, #habitats

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits in Dilbert's office with a laptop balanced on his lap. He says to Dilbert, "Tell me your greatest accomplishments at work. I'll use that to hype you up with your boss so you get a big raise." Dilbert says, "I wrote a draft of a white paper on a strawman process to reengineer our product process." Dogbert asks, "And what was the impact of that work?" Dilbert answers, I think some owls lost their woodland habitats."