Pocket Comic Strips - Page 2

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28 Results for Pocket

View 11 - 20 results for pocket comic strips. Discover the best "Pocket" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #embarrassment, #joke, #tuxedo

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Dilbert is getting dressed and Dogbert sits on the bed watching him. Dilbert holds up a cummerbund and says, "I thought I had this tuxedo thing figured out, but what the heck is this?" Dogbert replies, "Oh, that's the kumberbuzle. You wear it on your head like a sweatband." Dogbert continues, "Then you clip your pens and pencils to the kumberbuzle." Dilbert says, "Ah, that explains why the shirt has no pocket."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #news, #newspaper, #Entertainment

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Dogbert holds up a newspaper and says to Dilbert, "Look! I've created the world's first completely reusable newspaper." Dilbert reads from the newspaper, "Pope denounces violence . . . Home prices rise . . . Unrest in the Mideast . . ." Dogbert says, "Generic news!" Dilbert reaches into his pocket and asks, "How much?" Dogbert holds out his paw and says, "A thousand bucks. You'll never need another one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #Wally, #Dilbert, #ted, #business meeting

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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally, Alice and Ted sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "This thankless assignment shall go to whoever asks a question or makes eye contact." The employees all look away as the Boss continues, "It's really, really stupid . . . Does anybody want to question it?" Alice slides a pocket mirror across the table. The Boss says, "I think I see Ted's eyes in the mirror." Dilbert says, "Good one, Alice!" Ted gasps.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #Wally

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I'm awarding you a 'recognition fuzzy' to commend you for your good work on the project." The Boss places a piece of lint on Dilbert's shirt and says, "Display it proudly on your shirt. It's good for morale." Wally says to Dilbert, "You have pocket lint on your shirt." Dilbert replies, "Your jealousy is so transparent."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #telemarketing, #bid to run, #telemarketers pay themselves, #rip[ off people, #old people, #no way to lose

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Dogbert sits across from the Boss's desk. He hands the Boss a document and says, "Here's my bid to run your telemarketing company. Basically, it's no cost to you." Dogbert continues, "My telemarketers pay themselves. If they get a feeble-minded person on the phone they charge them triple and pocket the difference." The Boss says, "There's no way I can lose." Dogbert says, "Don't answer your home phone for a few weeks."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #dream, #hillbillies, #lint, #lint farm, #stranger than fiction

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Dilbert joins Dogbert at the breakfast table. He says, "I had the weirdest dream last night . . ." Dogbert replies, "You probably think I want to hear all about it." Dilbert says, "I was kidnapped by hillbillies and forced to produce pocket lint on their illegal lint farm." Dilbert pictures himself hanging from the ceiling with tubes connected to his pockets. Dilbert continues, "They fed me only flannel and water, and mined my pockets twice a day." Dilbert is hooked up to a machine. Dilbert says, "Thank God it was only a dream . . ." Dogbert says, "Only a dream? Maybe you should check your pockets." Dilbert puts his hands in his pockets and screams, "Lint!!" Dogbert looks at the reader and says, "Stranger than fiction."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #shrink wrap license, #new software, #bill gates, #new mansion, #towel boy

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Dilbert tells Dogbert, "I didn't read all of the shrink-wrap license agreement on my new software until after I opened it." Beads of sweat fly off Dilbert's forehead and he pulls nervously at his tie. Dilbert continues, "Apparently I agreed to spend the rest of my life as a towel boy in Bill Gates' new mansion." Dogbert replies, "Call your lawyer." Dilbert says, "Too late. He opened the software yesterday. Now he's Bill Gates' laundry boy." Dogbert says, "It must be dangerous for lawyers to iron pants. They'd always have one hand in a pocket."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #interview, #applicant, #engineer, #standard, #pens, #pencil, #perform, #natural, #fabrics, #carry, #wearing

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The Boss says, "Dilbert, I want you to interview the job applicant who's coming in today." The Boss continues, "See if he's got what it takes to be an engineer." Dilbert holds out his hand and says to the candidate, "Hi, Karl. We'll start with the standard engineering test." Karl says, "Okey dokey." Dilbert says, "I have thiry-five pens and pencils here. How many are really needed to perform your job?" Karl answers, "All of them." Dilbert says, "Correct . . . Now, what is the proper way to carry them with you?" Karl puts all of the pens and pencils in his shirt pocket. Dilbert says, "Right again. Last question: what is the advantage of wearing natural fabrics?" Karl thinks, "Uh-oh . . . Panic situation." Sweat flies off his forehead and his hair sticks up. He says, "I . . . I don't know." Dilbert says, "That's okay. I was testing your hair. You're an engineer." Karl smiles.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #putting in charge, #biff, #big improvements for free, #recommend ways, #increase profit, #spend mpney, #make money, #more money, #so called, #report tomorrow, #lava lamps, #few bucks

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The Boss enters Dilbert's cubicle and says, "I'm putting you in charge of project 'BIFF.'" The Boss says "'BIFF' stands for 'Big Improvements For Free.'" The Boss says, "Your job is to recommend ways to increase profits without spending money or changing anything." Dilbert says, "You have to spend money to make money." The Boss says, "If we HAD money to spend we wouldn't need to MAKE money. Duh." Dilbert says, "The point is that you can make MORE money than you spend." The Boss says, "I'm not following your so-called 'point.'" The Boss says, "Logically, anything I don't understand is unimportant. Have your report tomorrow." The Boss sits at his desk, holding Dilbert's report. The Boss says, "So, you recommend . . . Replacing all managers with lava lamps." Dilbert reaches into his pocket and says, "Here's a few bucks for the lava lamps."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget numbers, #totally inaccurate, #only numbers, #infinite inaccurate numbers, #encrypt them

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The boss stick his head into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Do you have those budget numbers from last months?" Dilbert says, "They're totally innaccurate." The boss says, "I know but those are the only numbers we have." Dilbert says, "Actually we have infinite inaccurate numbers to choose from." The boss says, "Let's keep those in our back pocket in case we need them." Dilbert says, "I'll encrypt them so no one else can use them."