Poorly Comic Strips - Page 2
35 Results for Poorly
View 11 - 20 results for poorly comic strips. Discover the best "Poorly" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share April 25, 2005's comic on:
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. Catbert: "Don't rate any employees "excellent" because then they'd deserve raises." "Don't give any bad ratings either because it would reflect poorly on your ability to hire and motivate people." The boss: "How will I make the useless people feel bad if I'm rating them "good"?" Catbert: "Try using this scowl."
Share October 15, 2005's comic on:
"I'd like to return this Frisbee (TM). It doesn't fly right." "This is a software CD. Only a total idiot would think it was a Frisbee (TM)." "In my defense, the user's manual was poorly written." "Plus you're a total idiot."
Share November 29, 2008's comic on:
After Budget cuts The boss: It might seem bleak now, but things will turn around... As soon as the public starts loving poorly made products that are relevant to a bygone era. In the meantime, who has organs that are still healthy enough to sell on the black market?
Share December 29, 2010's comic on:
Alice says, "I've noticed that whenever I ask you a specific question by email, you avoid answering it." Alice says, "You're either an unhelpful moron or a poorly designed robot sent from the future to terminate our company." Dilbert says, "How did you know it was a robot?" Alice says, "I didn't."
Share December 19, 2010's comic on:
The Boss says, "I want all of you to feel empowered on this project." Dilbert says, "You forgot to get our buy- in before you empowered us." The Boss says, "I'll get your buy-in later." Wally says, "It's far too late for that." Wally says, "I'm going to use my empowerment to destroy this poorly conceived project from the inside!" The Boss says, "Don't do that!" Dilbert says, "So... now you're saying we're not empowered to do what we think is best?" Alice says, "Can we go back to our old system where we're afraid to make decisions and you're never available?" Alice says, "Your eyes say, 'Yes.'"
Share August 08, 2007's comic on:
The Boss: "Asok, according to my spreadsheet, you have been doing a terrible job." Asok: "Perhaps your spreadsheet is poorly conceived and does not capture the complexity of the real world." "And let's not forget the near certainty that your formulae are pointing to the wrong cells." The Boss: "Numbers don't lie."
Share February 29, 2004's comic on:
wally: "Gaaa! Our boss's is coming!" Dilbert: "Where?" Zoop "Uh oh." "Hello, head count." Dilbert: "I need to run, tons of work." "Why? Are you poorly managed?" Dilbert: "No, we have everything we need! Everything is perfect." "So... was your boss confused, lying or misinformed when he asked me for more funding for your budget?" Dilbert: "Noooo! Ignore me! I don't know anything." "Hmm." "Dilbert says you don't communicate with the staff and don't need money." Dilbert: "Phew! I'm glad that's over."
Share December 26, 2004's comic on:
"Can you check my spreadsheet for accuracy?" "It's an impenetrable jumble of poorly organized data with cryptic labels." "I only need you to check it for accuracy." "I don't think accuracy matters if no one can tell what it's for." "Sheesh! Let me expain this document!" "This column is the ratio of product returns to gross revenue excluding sales taxes, annualized." "it's clearly labeled "ROPRTGRESTA."" "What about the other 80 columns?" "What the #*%!?" "And Dilbert found no inaccuracies."
Share January 12, 2003's comic on:
Asok enters The Boss' office and says, "I thought of a great idea." Asok continues, "You could let the project managers manage their own budgets... What?" Asok starts to look scared. He says, "You're giving me a look. I must try to guess what it means." Asok continues, "We don't do things that way? If it were a good idea you'd already be doing it?" Asok clutches his tie in fear and continues, "My ideas are poorly conceived?! I can't see the big picture?" Asok jumps back and exclaims, "Gaaa!!! I am ignorant and worthless!!" Asok punches himself in the face and exclaims, "I must pummel myself with my own tiny fists!!" He cries, "Ow! Ow!" Afterwards, The Boss says to Catbert, "They're kinda self-managed now." Catbert responds, "Very evil: I purr in your general direction."
Share May 27, 2012's comic on:
Boss: We've been asked to cut our budget by 30%. Dilbert: That doesn't make sense. We met all of our objectives last year. Boss: A different part of our company had a huge loss. Dilbert: Shouldn't you cut their budget, not ours? Boss: Their budget isn't big enough to make a difference to the bottom line. Dilbert: So our strategy is to punish success, and reward failure? Boss: Just do your job and leave the strategy to management. Dilbert: Hypothetically, if I do my job poorly, would that be good or bad for me?