Process Manager Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

268 Results for Process Manager

View 11 - 20 results for process manager comic strips. Discover the best "Process Manager" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #received, #employee, #suggestion, #handle, #blanket, #imbeciles, #process

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters and says, "I just received your employee suggestion." The Boss continues, "We'll handle it the usual way -- by making you sit under a wet blanket surrounded by imbeciles." Dilbert sits in a chair with a blanket covering his head. Four stupid people stand around him. Dilbert thinks, "At least there's a process." A man asks, "Explain your suggestion again."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #office, #decide, #kill, #floyd, #budget, #manager, #lover, #killer

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the hassock. Dilbert says, "The guys in the office decided that somebody must kill Floyd the budget manager because he's so mean to us." Dilbert continues, "They want ME To kill him. But I can't do it. I'm a LOVER, not a killer." Dogbert replies, "Technically, you're neither." Dilbert asks, "Is that MY fault?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #transferred, #assignments, #management, #yanking, #chain, #over-communicating, #manager, #sales

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss says, "Dilbert, you're being temporarily transferred to the field sales organization." The Boss continues, "Normally we use these assignments to round somebody out for management. But in this case I'm just yanking your chain!" Dilbert says, "You're over-communicating again, sir." The Boss continues, "Plus, I hate the manager of sales."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #eliminated, #tedious, #consuming, #process, #computer

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert shows the Boss new computer hardware and tells him, "For only twenty-five thousand dollars I've eliminated many tedious and time-consuming processes." The Boss asks, "What would be an example of one of those tedious and time-consuming processes?" Dilbert replies, "Well, there was the process of sitting around and wishing I had more computer stuff . . ." The Boss thinks, "Next time don't ask."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reengineering, #questioning employees, #get fired, #objective data, #business process, #flying monkeys, #finished design

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: engineering is simple. you start by questioning the employees who would get fired if you succeeded. The Boss: Then you use data to design a more efficient business process. Dilbert: So...you say you use flying monkeys to deliver the finished design? Men: They're very fast.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #process engineering consultant, #totally objective, #dont care, #right attitude, #flowing robe, #cherubs

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: "You should hire me as your process reengineering consultant." "I would be totally objective about what jobs to eliminate. Frankly, I don't care about anybody at your company!" Dilbert: "You've got the right attitude." Dogbert: "I think I'll wear a flowing robe and surround myself with cherubs."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no raises, #no promotions, #mathematical certainty, #inflation, #pooer, #uncertainty, #leader, #not just manager

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "The company has announced there will be no raises or promotions this year." "Now, there's a mathematical certainty that no matter how hard you work, inflation will make you poorer." Dilbert: "I hated the old way, with all the uncertainty." The Boss: "I'm not just a manager, I'm a leader!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #build, #meeting, #project kick off, #project manager, #super fast microchips, #harder to saboatge, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

"Thank you all for coming to the project kick-off meeting." "As project manager I've decided not to tell you the purpose of the project. That way it will be harder for you to sabotage it." "Does it require ny super-fast microchips?" "Good lord, no. Don't build any of those...by Tuesday."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complicated, #create chart, #decision process, #plan, #question, #talking about chart, #wasting money

View Transcript

Transcript

"This chart shows the decision process we're using for my project." "Here we're wasting money. Then someone said, 'hey, let's create a complicated chart.' Now we're at this meeting, talking about the chart." "I have a question." "Great...there goes the plan."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managing, #marketing group, #previous manager killed, #parking lot, #run down, #murder, #apathy to murder, #body on bumper

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "In addition to my current duties, I'll be managing the marketing group." "The marketing job opened because the previous manager got run down in the parking lot." "When they needed a good manager, they knew where to look." Dilbert: "Under your bumper?"