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Boss: Starting next week, our meetings will be "stand-ups" with no chairs, so we'll be more focused. Dilbert: So you examined all of the problems in the company and decided the root cause was chairs? Boss: We're also loosening the dress code. Dilbert: So our problems are chairs and pants?
Dilbert says, "Our device will create enough pressure to gently push our boss's carcass out of the ductwork." FOOM! Captain says, "This is Captain Sullenberger. Don't worry about the wing; I see a koi pond down there."
Dilbert says, "This is a magic button." Dilbert says, "Any time you ask for cost estimates, I push the button and it guides me." Button says, "Pull the numbers out of your?" Dilbert says, "It only says the one thing."
Dinosaur: I don't own a smartphone. I use a flip phone because it does everything I want. Alice: Why are you proud of being a big, dumb dinosaur with a terrible phone? Dinosaur: I"m sensing a lot of judgement in that question. Alice: Wait until you hear my follow-ups.
Dogbert sits at the desk with a calculator and paper in front of him. Dogbert tells Dilbert, "By my calculations, we can make millions by combining a mortuary business and a garbage collection business." Dogbert continues, "Our customers could simply leave the dearly departed by the curb for pick-up." Dilbert says, "Maybe we could add pizza delivery, too." Dogbert says, "Let's not push a good idea too far."
Bob the Dinosaur says, "Dogbert, we've come to resign from your cult." Dawn says, "You can't push us around anymore." Dogbert is wearing a crown. Dogbert replies, "Resign?!! Ha! You're unworthy! I kick you out. The cult doesn't need your type!" Bob begs, "Nooo!! Take us back!!! Please!!!" Dogbert says, "I think this explains why dinosaurs don't rule the earth."
Bob and Dawn the Dinosaurs stand in a cave watching their egg. Dawn says, "Our egg is starting to hatch!!" Bob says, "C'mon egg! Push! You can do it by yourself!!" Dawn yells, "Kick it! Kick it!" Bob asks Dawn, "Should we help?" Dawn replies, "No, it's an important lesson on life." The baby in the egg thinks, "So far it stinks."
Dogbert: I've decided to become a venture capitalist. I'll take money from the rich and give it to hopelessly doomed social media start-ups. Dilbert: Because you love helping entrepreneurs? Dogbert: Because I hate rich people who aren't me.
Dogbert: Invest you money in my reincarnation fund and you'll be rich in a future life. Man: But I a rich in this life, for I have love in my heart and music in my soul. So, can you help me push my van home? Dogbert: It looks like you'll also have sharp pain in your muscles.
Dogbert struggles with a vacuum cleaner. He thinks, "What idiot invented the canister vacuum cleaner?" Dogbert thinks, "I can only do about a foot at a time . . ." Dogbert pushes the vacuum cleaner and thinks, "Then I have to push this thing another foot." Dogbert turns to the reader and says, "Notice the tiny wheels which are designed to roll on any surface except carpet." Dogbert holds the electrical plug and thinks, "Now I can't reach the outlet." Dogbert thinks, "Then I get hopelessly tangled in the cord and hose." Dilbert enters the room and says, "Hi, Dogbert. Did I ever tell you that my grandfater invented the canister vacuum cleaner?" Dogbert says, "Come closer." Dogbert uses the vacuum cleaner to suck Dilbert's clothes off his body. Dilbert is left wearing only his underwear. Dilbert says, "That's probably why I never mentioned it."