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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #computers & peripherals, #software, #install and test, #database software, #engineering

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Dogbert consults Dogbert: I recommend that you buy the Dogbert database software. Boss: Did I just pay a consultant to recommend his own company's software? Dogbert: I'm totally objective. Boss: Who would install and test it? Dogbert: Maybe a consultant who knows the product?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 14, 2012's comic on:


Tags #anger, #bad idea, #email, #hate, #meeting, #recommend changes, #bed ideas, #business

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Coworker: Did you see my email with all of my recommended changes to your product? Dilbert: Yes. Everything you suggested is a bad idea, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life explaining why. Coworker: Now I hate you. Dilbert: All roads headed in that directions. All I did was take the shortest one.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 2012's comic on:


Tags #copyright & trademark, #farmers & farm workers, #violates patents, #close compnay, #lawyer, #off grid, #legal

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Lawyer: Our new product violates 70 Google patents, 14 Apple patents, 52 Oracle patents, and 37 Microsoft patents. There is no hope. I recommend that we close the company and become farmers. Boss: I need a lawyer with more fight in him. Lawyer: I'm off the grid.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 22, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #sleep, #grape, #jelly, #remedies

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Dilbert, who is wearing his bathrobe, says, "Dogbert, I can't sleep . . . Do you know any folk remedies?" Dogbert replies, "I recommend spreading grape jelly on your torso and slapping your forehead against an overripe cantaloupe." Dogbert sits on the hassock watching television. He hears slapping in the other room and thinks, "This must be how all folk remedies get started."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 15, 1990's comic on:


Tags #dilbert's ego, #sunglasses, #personality, #toupee, #roy orbison, #rely, #employee, #store, #update, #image

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Dilbert's Ego: I'm Dilbert's ego. I'd like to update image with a toupee. Male Employee: I recommend the, "Roy Orbison," Model. It comes with sunglasses. Dilbert's Ego: Now I won't have to rely so heavily on my personality,

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #clyde, #canyon, #brochure, #home, #pictures, #scenery, #france, #spain, #bermuda, #travel agency, #vacation

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Dilbert sits in a travel agency. The travel agent says, "I recommend a trip to 'Clyde Canyon' for your vacation." Dilbert looks at a brochure and asks, "What would I do there?" The travel agent responds, "You could look at the scenery . . . Take some pictures." Dilbert asks, "Can't I just look at the brochure and stay home?" The man replies, "Yeah, that's what I do."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #president, #Dilbert, #opening, #supreme court, #old, #wandered, #nominating, #dog, #loyal, #george, #somebody, #message

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A presidential aide says to the President, "Mister President, there's another opening on the Supreme Court. One of the old guys wandered away." The aide continues, "I recommend nominating a dog this time. They tend to be loyal and everybody likes them." Dilbert hands Dogbert the phone and says, "It's for you . . . George somebody." Dogbert says, "Take a message."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 29, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #the boss, #can-o-matic, #restroom, #stall, #randomly, #fires, #pink, #slip, #backs, #expressions, #security, #cameras

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Dogbert points to a picture of a bathroom and tells the Boss, "As your consultant, I recommend the 'Can-O-Matic' to reduce staff levels." Dogbert points to a picture of a person falling out a building window and explains, "Disguised as a restroom stall, the Can-O-Matic randomly fires people by slapping a pink slip on their backs and catapulting them out of the building." The Boss says, "But I won't get to see the expressions on their faces." Dogbert replies, "Well, we could fling them past the security cameras here . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 06, 1992's comic on:


Tags #friendship, #strategy, #Dogbert, #financial, #advisor, #live, #lifelong, #bond, #trust, #money, #churn

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Dogbert answers the door and a man in a suit says, "Hi! I want to be your financial advisor." The man continues, "I've come to live with you. We'll eventually form a lifelong bond of trust and friendship." Dogbert says angrily, "I liked better when you guys just took our money." The man says, "I recommend a strategy called 'Churn.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 07, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #financial, #adviser, #churn, #burn, #mutual, #funds, #worthless, #equity, #brokerage, #risky

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Dilbert and the financial advisor sit at the table. The advisor says, "I recommend our 'Churn 'N' Burn' family of mutual funds." The man continues, "We'll turn your worthless equity into valuable brokerage fees in just three days!" Dilbert asks, "Is it risky?" The advisor replies, "Are you kidding?! We have actual brochures!"