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25 Results for Reviews

View 11 - 20 results for reviews comic strips. Discover the best "Reviews" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 19, 2006's comic on:


Tags #360 degree reviews, #peer input, #negative review, #peer review, #next raise, #annoymous, #realization

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"It's almost time for our 360 degree reviews." "That means your compensation is partly dependent on the input of your peers." "I'd hate to see something bad happen to you, like, I don't know...maybe a negative review." "I've taken the liberty of calculating the value of a good peer review in terms of your next raise." "Pay me half of that amount, and I'll guarantee a positive outcome." "How would I know you gave me a good one? Peer reviews are anonymous." "What is it about me that makes people so distrusting?"

Tall People Earn More

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Tall People Earn More - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 2015's comic on:


Tags #anger, #discrimination, #fairness, #height, #money, #salary, #wages, #Women, #tall people, #short people, #performance reviews, #height accordingly, #female workers

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CEO: Studies show that tall people earn more than shorter people. So instead of doing performance reviews this year, we'll just measure your height and pay accordingly. And, of course, Alice will earn ten percent less than the men. I think that's a law.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 1996's comic on:


Tags #prisoners dilemma, #smal raise, #rat on, #good times, #no co ed prisons

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Dilbert looks over the wall into Wally's cubicle and says, "Wally, these peer reviews are like the famous 'prisoner's dilemma.'" Dilbert explains, "If you rat on me but I say good things about you, you get the biggest raise. But if we praise each other we can BOTH get a small raise." Alice looks over the wall and says, "Wally, if you rat him out, I'll let you look at my 'Victoria's Secret' catalog." Dilbert says, "This is exactly why there are no coed prisons."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 1997's comic on:


Tags #perfromance review, #alleged misdeeds, #lower rating, #fit bell curve, #selling crack

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Wally tells the Boss, "I can't sign this performance review! It's full of alleged misdeeds that you invented to lower my rating!" The Boss replies, "Yes, but I think it reflects the sort of things you MIGHT do. I had to make all the reviews fit a bell curve." Wally screams, "I am NOT selling crack from my cubicle!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 1993's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #business meeting, #performance review

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Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss asks, "So, what have you accomplished this year?" Dilbert thinks, "I hate performance reviews." Dilbert replies, "Well, I used my empowerment to create a new paradigm." Dilbert continues, "And I teamed across functional boundaries to improve quality." Dilbert continues, "I dare say I was customer-focused and market-driven!" Dilbert holds his arms out and says, "I proactively found excellence in the midst of chaos!" Dilbert continues, "I re-engineered my core processes and embraced change!" Dilbert stands up and bows. He says, "I give you - Dilbert - the perfect employee!" The Boss asks, "Was that sarcasm?" Dilbert replies, "To be honest, I don't know either."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 27, 1998's comic on:


Tags #dogbert the ceo, #incestment banker, #loot place, #merge with client, #golden parachute, #exercise stock options, #merger, #so long suckers

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Caption: Dogbert the C.E.O. Dogbert sits at desk. An investment banker stands across from him. Banker says, "I'm an investment banker. I can help you loot this place and escape." Banker sits next to Dogbert and reviews some material with him. Banker says, "You'll maerge with my other client company. Your golden parachute kicks in. Then you exercise your stock options on the uptick." Alice and Dilbert review merger announcement. Alice says, "You rarely see a merger announcement with the phrase, 'So long suckers.'" Dilbert softly says, "Ouch."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 1994's comic on:


Tags #business, #competition, #control, #deadbeats, #for scuccess, #mangers, #reorganize, #subgroup, #thrown out window, #whiners

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- How to reorganize for success Put All your deadbeats and whiners in one sub group. Deadbeats: we don't want to be a subgroup. -Give them a project that duplicates work being done by more competent people elsewhere in the company.- Soon, the manager of the competent people will find out you're duplicating his work. Man: You're on my turf Dogbert: Boo hoo - He'll make a play to get your project under his control.- Man: They should be transferred to my control. - Before you transfer the deadbeats. Give them high performance reviews to conceal your treachery Deadbeat: Godlike ? wow! Dogbert: I'll miss you. - In time, the manager who took your losers will fail, this decreasing competition for promotions. AAIIII!! Dogbert: Next week I'll discuss teamwork - the managers obstacle to success.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2003's comic on:


Tags #website, #customer success, #closest things, #complaint letters, #few words, #kick to kiss, #change context, #reviews, #technology

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"Tina, we need some customer success stories for the web site." "The closest things we have are these complaint letters. Just change a few words." "Change 'kick' to 'kiss' and this one is done, albeit disturbingly."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 2005's comic on:


Tags #20 % staff, #failing perfromance, #required, #muscles, #money hurlage, #metting, #denounce employees, #criticize

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"The company requires me to give failing performance reviews to 20% of my staff." "There are four of you, so that works out to...80% of a person." "Wally, your calf muscles and ankles are performing well, but the rest of you is monkey hurlage."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 2010's comic on:


Tags #customers, #product design, #dumb, #hat, #monkey, #software, #meeting, #computer, #annoyed, #technology, #animals, #business, #engineering

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The Boss says, "We need to get our customers more involved in the product design cycle." Dilbert says, "We only have customers who are too dumb to check product reviews online." The Boss says, "Do it anyway." Customer says, "Can it wear a hat like a monkey?" Dilbert says, "For the millionth time, software can't wear clothes."