Room In Carpool Comic Strips - Page 2
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Dilbert sits on a pillow listening to the radio. Ratbert walks in and says, "I'm having a crisis of self image." Ratbert asks, "Do I, as a rat, add any value to the world? Or do I simply deplete its resources, then die?" The musical notes coming from the radio stick to Ratbert's body. He says, "Oh . . . Sorry . . . I sucked all the music out of the room."
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dogbert says, "Don't think of yourself as the least intelligent creature in this room . . ." Dogbert continues, "If you consider the entire planet, you're smarter than literally hundreds of people." Dilbert asks, "Have you ever considered taking up a hobby?" Dogbert replies, "This IS my hobby."
Dilbert sits at a table with Dogbert and says, "I didn't remember being abducted by aliens until you hypnotized me. But now I remember they looked like 'E.T.'" Dilbert looks at a drawing and continues, "I remember being in a dark room with rows of seats. They fed us a popcorn-like substance. My feet were stuck to the floor." Dilbert continues, "I recall being disgusted that they charged me six dollars to enter the ship." Dogbert says, "That's why you suppressed the memory."
Dogbert, who is holding a stethoscope, says to a room full of people, "Attention, all patients!" Dogbert continues, "I have turbocharged the x-ray machine and aimed it at the waiting room. Everybody close your eyes for five minutes then leave. Your diagnoses will arrive by mail." Dogbert walks away saying, "It was a stroke of genius to schedule all of the hypochondriacs for the same day."
EXECUTIVE BOARD ROOM TED: our competitors are kicking our pasty white rumps. Ted: Im bringing in dogcart to fire employees until we're stronger than the competition. Man: How will the work get done with no employees? Ted: Id better form a test force to study that.
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. Reading a report, the Boss says, "Change these dates . . . and add six more meetings and use the phrase 'customer focus.'" Dilbert looks down at the desk where a tiny figure has appeared. Dilbert says, "Uh-Oh . . . your micro-management has caused my ego to manifest itself and beg for survival." The tiny figure says, "I'm shrinking!" The Boss splats the tiny figure with a fly swatter and says to Dilbert, "Run and get me some paper towels . . . five of them . . . from the men's room."
Alice walks in carrying a briefcase and sees Wally and Dilbert drinking coffee. Alice says, "I was so late I had to put on my makeup in the car." Dilbert says, "Yeah, I had to shave in the car." Wally says, "That's nothing. I was so late that I had to give myself a sponge bath in the car." Alice looks shocked and asks, "Aren't you the driver for your carpool?" Wally responds, "You've never heard such whining."
Wally sits in a chair across from a manager's desk. The manager asks, "Why do you want to transfer to my department, Wally?" Wally responds, "I'm in a dysfunctional organization. I'm not getting the love and support I need. That's why I've been making long-distance personal calls from the fax room." The manager says, "Your resume says every boss you've had was a complete jerk." Wally responds, "So, when do I start?"
The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "Have fun working. I'm off to the two-week management retreat in the mountains." The Boss continues, "It's so sad you can't come. I guess there isn't room at the four-star hotel." As he flees from books and folders being hurled at him, the Boss thinks, "Now I know why it's called a retreat."
Dogbert and Alice sit at a table. Dogbert says, "Alice, I need to gather some requirements before designing the company child care facility." Dogbert continues, "Do you mind if your children spend the day sewing garments in a windowless room full of illegal aliens?" Alice replies, "I mind." Dogbert responds, "I'll put you down as a maybe." Alice asks, "Would I get discounts on those garments?"