Ruin Journalist Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

49 Results for Ruin Journalist

View 11 - 20 results for ruin journalist comic strips. Discover the best "Ruin Journalist" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #schematic, #office politics, #ruin teds career, #say bad things, #rumor mill, #ted is history, #backfired, #tested, #phil quit

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is sitting at his desk drawing a map. He says, "I've created a schematic of office politics in my company." Dogbert says, "Nicely done." Dilbert says, "Let's say I want to ruin Ted's career." Dilbert continues, "I could say bad things to Tina about Ted. Tina carpools with Ming and Ming takes yoga classes with Carol." Dilbert continues, "And Carol is a secretary for Ted's boss. So Ted would be history." Dilbert continues, "Of course it wouldn't be ethical to test the system." Dogbert replies, "Unless..." Dogbert points to the map and continues, "..You use the Phil-Alice-Larry circuit to get Ted rehired." Dilbert replies, "Yup, yup." Dilbert concludes talking to Tina with, "...And that's why Ted is worthless." He pauses and then asks, "Hey, where's Phil today?" Tina replies, "He quit." Dilbert asks Dogbert at home, "Why do I listen to you?" Dogbert responds, "Because of a little thing I call charisma."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #new philosophy, #live for today, #motto, #avoid starving tomorrow, #ruin every minute, #living in past, #gustave, #traded beaver pelts, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I'm trying out a new philosophy for my life. My new motto is "Live for Today." Wally: If you live for today, how will you avoid starving tomorrow? If you do one little thing wrong today, it could ruin every minute of the rest of your life. Asok: So... I should live for the future. Wally: No, that would ruin today. I recommend living for the past. Asok: My past was no fun. Wally: Pretend you were someone else. Asok: My philosophy is that my name was Gustav and I traded beaver pelts. Dilbert: Stop ruining my present.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #studies, #healthy exercise, #healthier lifestyle, #poor health, #ruin meeting, #attend stupid meetings

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Studies show that people who exercise are healthier. Wally: That's because people who are in poor health don't exercise. CEO: Why does it seem as if you ruin every meeting? Wally: Is it because I only attend the ones that are stupid?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #holidays, #laziness, #trust, #work ethic, #telecommute, #bring kid to work, #work from home, #distrust, #corrodes motivation, #toxic environment, #ruin naps

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Is it okay if I telecommute on "Bring Your Kid To Work" Day? I'll show my kid how I work from home. Boss: How would I know you were working? Wally: What??!! That is exactly the sort of distrust that corrodes the motivation of employees! How can I feel good about my job in this toxic atmosphere? Boss: Okay, okay. You can work from home on "Bring Your Kid To Work" Day. Dilbert: You don't have a kid. Wally: I hear they ruin your naps.

Dilbert Quits To Get A Raise

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Quits To Get A Raise - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #boss, #conscience, #rethink, #quit, #raise, #going along, #don't, #ruin

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I can't in good conscience support inaccurate health claims about our products. I quit. Boss: I'll give you 20% raise if you stay. Wally: I quit too, because of all the ethnics and stuffs. Dilbert: Don't ruin this for me.

Simulation Nonsense

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Simulation Nonsense - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #computer, #computer software, #days, #fast, #nonsense, #ruin, #simulation, #technology, #upgrade, #coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

tina: it feels as if the days are going by faster lately. dilbert: that's because we're a computer simulation that just got a software upgrade. tina: there's really nothing you can't ruin with that nonsense, is there? dilbert: i hear that a lot.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #brainella, #smart, #intimidated, #dated, #woman, #outfit, #best

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and a woman with a huge head sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert says, "Gosh, Brainella, I've never dated a woman as smart as you before . . ." Dilbert says, "Let's just start right in talking about all kinds of smart stuff. C'mon, give me your best shot. I'm not intimidated." Brainella replies, "Not here. If your brain explodes, it'll ruin my outfit."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #performance, #review, #process, #accomplishments, #cash, #value, #empowerment, #match, #motivational

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss tells Dilbert, "It's time for your annual performance review." The Boss continues, "The process is the same as usual." The Boss continues, "Make your accomplishments fit the trendy categories on this form." Dilbert reads, "'1. Estimate the cash value of the empowerment you displayed this year. Cite examples.'" The Boss says, "Try to make your accomplishments match the raise I've already decided for you." Dilbert asks, "Why don't you just tell me what you've decided?" The Boss responds, "What - and ruin the motivational value of the process??" The Boss thinks as he walks away, "How did I get stuck with all the cynical employees?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #be competetive, #carpets, #Catbert, #evil director, #evil policies, #foot sizing program, #no compalints, #reduce wear and tear, #tail twitching, #wear shoes smaller

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert stands at his desk thinking, "My tail is twitching . . ." Catbert thinks, "That can only mean it's time to write some more evil policies." Catbert types, "To: all employees. Subject: new policy." Dilbert gets the e-mail message and reads, "Employees must wear shoes that are one size smaller than their feet." Alice reads, "This will reduce wear and tear on carpets by five percent." Catbert thinks, "This is my favorite part." He types, "We must do this to be competitive." A woman enters Catbert's office and says, "I'm a reporter for 'Evil HR Policies Weekly.' Do you have any success stories?" Catbert purrs. The caption says, "This is how industry practices are born." The journalist asks, "Has anyone complained about the 'Footsizing' program?" Catbert replies, "I haven't listened to a single complaint."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #donate computer, #most insane, #not work on project, #manipulate

View Transcript

Transcript

Caption reads: Dogbert's First Law of Business. Dogbert says, "Reality is always controlled by the people who are most insane." Caption reads: Example. A co-worker enters Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Thanks for agreeing to work on my project." Dilbert turns and says, "I never agreed to work on your project." The co-worker raises her arm and yells, "You can't change your mind now! It's too late to get someone else!" Dilbert says, "Um...I'm not changing my mind. I clearly said I would NOT work on your project." The co-worker drops her papers and screams, "You lying weasel! I'll ruin you!!" Dilbert shouts, "Okay! Okay! I'll work on your project!" The same co-worker enters Wally's cubicle and says, "Wally, thanks for agreeing to donate your computer to my project." Wally says, "What?"