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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 22, 2007's comic on:


Tags #security consulatant, #without id, #badge, #strip search, #confiscate wallet, #lock him janitors closet, #extreme, #living on mop water

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Dogbert the security consultant Dogbert: "If you see someone without an ID badge..." "...Strip search him, confiscate his wallet, and lock him in the janitor's closet until he starves!" The boss: "That seems a bit extreme." Dogbert: "You're about one minute away from living on mop water."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 12, 2004's comic on:


Tags #cubicle vampire, #happy coowrkers, #in search of, #talk, #work related issues, #life drained, #gut instinct, #you're hire

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Job interview "What's your biggest weakness." "I'm a cubicle vampire." "I wander the cubicles in search of happy coworkers." "Then I pounce!" "Then you suck their blood?" "That was the old way." "I talk about work-related issues until the life is drained from their bodies." "I'm going to trust my gut instinct on this. You're hired." "Have you met the new hire yet?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 12, 2013's comic on:


Tags #internet & world wide web, #inventions, #google search engine, #existing prodcuts, #crushing dreams, #new invention

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Dilbert: Behold my new invention, the likes of which the world has never seen. Dogbert: Behold my Google search engine that will find several existing products that do whatever that thing does. Dilbert: Please don't. Dogbert: Google: crushing dreams since 1998. click click click

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 2014's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #pride, #a-b testing, #traffic to site, #most effective search terms, #wingless skunk, #junkyard sbnack, #planned injury, #topper

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Coworker: I did A-B testing and found the search terms that bring the most people to our site. The most effective search terms are "wingless skunk," "junkyard snack," and "planned injury." Topper: Well, duh! You could have just asked me. Topper

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #bank, #ethel, #credit, #banks, #interest rate, #filming, #television, #ads, #Dogbert, #attitude

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Dilbert stands in front of a customer service desk at a bank. Dilbert says, "I'd like to apply for a 'Bank of Ethel' credit card." The woman behind the desk says, "Sit down and shut up." The woman says, "It's 21% interest plus surprisingly high annual fees. We'll do a credit check and a full body cavity search." Back at home, Dilbert stands in front of Dogbert wearing just his boxers. Dilbert says, ". . . And I had to smile the whole time because they were filming it for their television ads." Dogbert says, "You have to admire their attitude."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #date-a-base, #Women, #nice, #guy, #quotes, #donahue, #sincere, #expand, #primates

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Dogbert stands on a chair using a computer while Dilbert watches. Dogbert says, "I'll search my Date-a-Base for women who want a nice guy and don't care about looks." Dogbert says, "All I'm getting are some quotes from guests on 'Donahue,' but they don't seem sincere." Dogbert continues, "Maybe if I expand the search to include all primates . . ." Dilbert asks, "Why did you add 'don't care about looks?'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 1995's comic on:


Tags #wall art, #low bid, #assistant scourcing, #earth, #low cost art

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Dilbert watches Dogbert and Bob the Dinosaur hanging paintings on the office wall. He asks Dogbert, "How did you get the contract to supply our company with wall art?" Dogbert answers, "Low bid." Dogbert says, "As we speak, my assistant is scouring the earth in search of low-cost art." Ratbert stands outside the "School-O-Art" with a bag of money. As an art student wearing a beret and painter's smock is thrown out of the school with his painting, Ratbert says, "I'll take it!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 2012's comic on:


Tags #coders, #email, #incorporate specs, #meetings, #relevance, #spam filter, #wireframe, #wise counsel

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Based on a true story Coworker: I completed the wireframe and passed it off to our coders. Dilbert: That's great. Did you incorporate all of my specs? Coworker: I didn't see any specs from you. Maybe my spam filter ate your email. Dilbert: No problem. I'll resend them and you can start from scratch. Coworker: Yes, I certainly could do that. Or I could ignore your input, enjoy my deep feeling of accomplishment and hope for the best. Wally: That sounds easier. Coworker: I accept your wise counsel, Wally. I guess your search for relevance marches on.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 1996's comic on:


Tags #grow a beard, #ted, #not smart enough, #grows horn

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Dilbert, Wally and Ted are drinking coffee. Ted says, "I've decided to mask my boyish looks by growing a beard." As he and Dilbert walk away, Wally says, "I didn't think Ted was smart enough to know how to grow a beard." Dilbert laughs. The caption says, "Two weeks later." Ted points to a beard growing on his forehead and says to the Boss, "How do you like my beard?" The Boss thinks, "My search for a new manager is over."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 05, 1997's comic on:


Tags #blueprints, #new cubicle, #window view, #hot by window, #breeze

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Dilbert holds his box of stuff and Wally holds the office floorplan. Wally says, "According to the blueprints, your new cubicle has a support beam in it." Dilbert stands in his cubicle which is taken up mostly by a huge support beam. He thinks, "At least I have a window view." At home, Dilbert looks disheveled and sweats. He says, "It's one hundred-eight degrees by the window but at least there's a breeze from the people who walk by and laugh." Dogbert sits on the arm of the couch and says, "Don't let me slow your search for someone who's interested."