Search Results for "section"
Share January 13, 2013's comic on:
Carol: Do you want extra legroom on your flight? It costs more. Boss: Yes. Carol: Do you want an aisle seat? That costs extra. Boss: Yes. Carol: Do you want a no-baby section? It costs extra. Boss: Yes. Carol: Extra bag? Boss: Yes. Carol: Meal? Boss: Yes. Carol: Priority boarding? Boss: Yes. Carol: In-flight entertainment? Wi-fi? Flight insurance? We're almost done. Just twelve more questions. Your ticket comes to $27,689. And it's only three stops! Boss: No let's do the return flight. One hour later.
Share August 05, 1990's comic on:
Dogbert enters the living room carrying the newspaper. He thinks, "Oh good, Dogbert isn't around. I can read the Sunday paper without having to share." Dilbert sits in his chair and thinks, "Ahhh . . . Mine are the first hands to unfold its crisp little pages. I alone determine the order of reading." Dilbert thinks, "Nobody will blurt out the punchlines before I read them." Dogbert flies through the air onto Dilbert's lap. Dogbert knocks the chair over and the paper scatters on the floor. Dogbert asks, "Were you finished with this section?"
Share June 09, 1991's comic on:
Dogbert sits at the desk typing. Dilbert asks, "What are you working on?" Dogbert replies, "I'm writing my own encyclopedia to sell for large profits." Dilbert asks, "How could you write an entire encyclopedia by yourself?" Dogbert replies, "It's abridged. I had to cut some corners to get it all in five pages." Dilbert says, "Five pages?! You condensed the history and knowledge of the world into five pages?!!" Dogbert replies, "Actually, it's mostly about me . . . The other stuff didn't seem important." Dogbert continues, "But I threw in some stuff about Canada to make it seem thorough." Dilbert reads, "'Canada has trees.'" Dogbert says, "I'll have to tighten that section a bit."
Share February 09, 1992's comic on:
A man answers his door and says, "Dilbert! Dogbert!" Dilbert says, "Thanks for inviting us over." The man stands next to a woman and says, "We thought you'd like to see our home video of little Timmy's birth." The man puts the tape in the VCR and says, "We captured every beautiful moment on VHS!" The woman asks, "Have you ever seen a Caesarean section before?" The man points at the screen and says, "The doctor is making the incision!" The man continues, "Now they're removing the squiggly thing!" The woman says, "Wait . . . This might be the wrong tape . . . I think this is your appendectomy video." Dogbert says, "Either that or little Timmy isn't very photogenic."
Share August 10, 1998's comic on:
Caption: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert interviews a man. Catbert says, "Are you able to work while being constantly interrupted?" The man says, "No. I would be totally ineffective, just like anyone else." Catbert says, "We were done with the section you had to answer honestly." The man says, "Oh. In that case, interruptions make me stronger."
Share May 23, 2006's comic on:
"When you worked here, you signed a non-compete agreement." "It clearly states that you are not allowed to earn money, sleep indoors, procreate or seek medical care." "Section 5B describes what you must now do with this ceremonial dagger."
Share July 11, 2006's comic on:
"I want you to write a business case for lobbying our government to attack Elbonia." "In the risk analysis section, do you want me to assume that hell is real or imaginary?" "Real. But remember to discount the infinite future flows of agony to the present so it doesn't look so bad."
Share April 30, 2000's comic on:
Dogbert says to Dilbert and the Boss, "Your software product is riddled with bugs." Dogbert continues, "I recommend repackaging it as a rust inhibitor for computers." Dogbert says, "The ads will say 'you know it's working because of all the error messages'." Dilbert replies, "People aren't stupid." Dogbert answers, "According to my research they are." Dogbert shows a diagrahm of a human brain with each section labeled. The Boss replies, "I think the rust turned my exclamation upside down." Dilbert says, "That's the letter 'I'."
Share May 31, 2008's comic on:
The Boss: Wally, are you busy? Wally: Yes, I'm reading the 'In Memoriam' section of our company newsletter." The Boss: When you're done, can you compile the beta test results?" Wally: Sure. Just as soon as I get the data from... Larry."
Share September 16, 2007's comic on:
Dilbert: "You didn't make any of the contract changes we agreed on last month." Ted: "That's how I negotiate." "I'm not authorized to make any changes to the contract." "And the executives who have that power will think I'm not doing my job if I ask them to do it." "So I agree to everything you ask, then I don't put any of it in the contract." "Over the course of several months I hope to wear you down and make you sign the contract as is." Dilbert: "Can you at least change section three the way I asked? Ted: "Sure. No problem." "I'll see you in a month."