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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #self, #service, #curve, #pumps, #figure

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Dogbert stands in front of several men and says, "Dogbert's School for Self-Service Gas Station Attendants will not be easy." Dogbert says, "Phillips! What would you do if a customer couldn't figure out how to use the pumps?" Phillips answers, "Nothing. It's self-service." The man sitting next to him thinks, "Great . . . there goes the curve."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #self, #service, #gas, #station, #attendant, #military, #benefits, #Women, #forms

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The caption says, "Day one: Dogbert's School for Self-Service Gas Station Attendants." A student raises his hand and says, "Question." The man asks, "Do service station employees qualify for military benefits?" Dogbert replies, "I don't think so." The man asks, "Can we fool women with these uniforms?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #chool, #self-service, #gas, #station, #attendants, #thoughts, #minds, #easy

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The caption says, "Second day: Dogbert's School for Self-Service Gas Station Attendants." Dogbert says, "You must learn to relax . . ." Dogbert continues, "I want you to clear your minds of all thoughts." The three students sit limply in their chairs with blank looks on their faces. Dogbert thinks, "That was too easy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #school, #self-service, #gas, #station, #attendants, #teaching, #section, #refolding, #maps, #frustrating, #paper cuts, #minor, #panic, #sweat the room

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Dilbert sits at his desk and says to Dogbert, "I heard you closed your school for self-service gas station attendants." Dogbert says, "It didn't work out." Dogbert continues, "I was teaching the section on refolding maps . . . Frustrations were high . . . At first, the paper cuts were minor, but panic swept the room." Dilbert asks, "Well, how bad could . . ." Dogbert says, "They're all dead . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #model, #evaluation, #advantage, #hideous, #service

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Dogbert says to a woman walking on the sidewalk, "Excuse me, would you like to take advantage of our 'Model Evaluation Service?' Only ten dollars." The woman says, "Me? Gosh, I've never thought of myself that way. Yes, I would love to be evaluated." Dogbert says, "You're hideous . . . That's ten dollars." The woman looks angry.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 21, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #mild, #flu, #normally, #survive, #brief, #developed, #empathy, #die, #afford, #ambassador, #class, #service

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Dogbert says to a patient on the examining table, "You have a mild flu, and normally you would survive." Dogbert continues, "However, in this brief visit I've developed no real empathy for you, so I've decided to let you die." The man asks, "Is there anything I can do?!" Dogbert replies, "Well . . . Unless you can afford my new 'Ambassador Class' service."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #dating, #service, #deep, #down, #fantasy, #woman, #modelled, #brochure, #francis, #kris

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Dogbert sits at a desk under a sign that says, "Dogbert's Dating Service." A man says, "I'd like to sign up." The customer continues, "Although deep down I know that all of the people in your service are men, I cling to the fantasy of meeting the woman who modeled for your brochure." Dogbert says, "She's taken, but I can match you with somebody named 'Francis' or 'Kris.'" The man replies, "There's hope!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 1994's comic on:


Tags #leaving compnay, #opportunites, #key pharses, #we regret, #years of service, #footnote

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The Boss: "Tim will be leaving the company to pursue other opportunities." "Note the absence of key phrases such as 'we regret' or 'years of dedicated service.' And notice that his new opportunity is not called 'exciting'." Dilbert: "I think you're reading a little too much into that announcement." The Boss: "No, I'm reading the footnote."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 23, 1994's comic on:


Tags #called to brag, #dogbert headhunting service, #no skill, #pays 100k, #dogbert job

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"This is Dogbert's Headhunting Service." "I've got a job that pays a hundred thousand per year and requires no skill whatsoever." "No, I didn't say it's available. I called to brag about my own job."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 1994's comic on:


Tags #customer service, #downsize, #improve service

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The Boss: Our two goals this year are to downsize and to improve customer service. Dilbert: question: how can you improve service if you're getting rid f service people? The Boss: who do you think is screwing up the customer service? duh...