Something New Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Something New

View 11 - 20 results for something new comic strips. Discover the best "Something New" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer software, #internet & world wide web, #coding, #paywall, #website, #wrote script, #new content, #idea to eliminate, #revenue, #lowered costs, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, did you finish coding the paywall for our website? Wally: I did something better. I wrote a script to delete any new content as soon as it's posted. At bonus time, keep in mind that you're the one who had the idea to eliminate revenue, and I'm the one who lowered hosting costs.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #move to big building, #regular job, #so unimprotant, #won't be missed, #work on something, #month, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Tina, you'll be in charge of our move to the new building." Tina says, "That means you think my regular job is so unimportant that I won't be missed if I work on something else for a month." The Boss says, "If it makes you feel any better, this will take longer than a month."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dueling, #announcing stupid, #dumbest person, #history, #moron, #new cubicle, #education

View Transcript

Transcript

Loud Howard meets Topper Coworker: I did something stupid today!!! Topper: That's nothing. I'm the dumbest person in the history of the universe!!! Together: I'm a moron!!! Dilbert: I need a new cubicle.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer interface, #hurt user, #new sound designs, #sound of puking, #fingernails on blackboard, #bird hitting window, #disturbing sounds, #visceral reactions

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands behind a man with an eye patch who is working on his computer. The man says, "My theory is that a computer interface should hurt the user." The man continues, "So I designed some new sounds into our product. We've got 'sound of puking,' 'fingernails on blackboard' and 'bird hitting window.'" Dilbert looks ill. The man continues, "But suppose the user does something WRONG. Then we have the sound of a puking bird hitting a blackboard." Dilbert falls down.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #demeaning insulting, #director, #human resources, #learned helplessness, #managerial influence, #new job title, #new card, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert waves his arms angrily and says, 'Our new job titles from human resources are demeaing and insulting!" Dilbert stands in front of the Boss' desk and says, "You've got to use your managerial influence to do something!" The Boss holds a business card and says, "My new card..." Wally stands at his cubicle and asks, "How'd it go?" Dilbert replies, "I don't expect much help from the "Director of Learned Helplessness."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #marketing dept, #brochures, #new prodcut, #dominate market, #sales, #don't make product, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Bob hands Dilbert something and says, "The marketing department saves the day! Check out these brochures I made." Bob reports, "This new product will allow us to dominate the market!" Dilbert says, "But we don't make this product." Bob says, "That hasn't hurt our sales so far."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #open door policy, #new vp, #drop in, #last vp was aloof, #sourballs, #furniture, #cubicles are hot, #huge insincere spider

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk. Wally stands behind him and says, "Our new VP says he has an 'open door policy.' Let's check it out." Wally and Dilbert peer into the VP's office. Dilbert says, "Knock knock." Dilbert says, "Hi ho. Nothing important. We just wanted to drop in." The VP sits at his desk reading a document. Wally says, "This open door policy is great. Our last VP was aloof." Dilbert asks, "Are those sourballs?" Wally says, "Look at the furniture in here!" Dilbert stuffs candy into his mouth and says, "I call couch!" The VP asks, "Is there something I can do for you?" Dilbert lies on a couch and says, "Well . . . Sometimes our cubicles are too hot." Wally sits in a chair and adds, "Could you have somebody look into it?" Dilbert and Wally leave the office looking frightened. Dilbert says, "Boy, those sourballs sure lull you into a false sense of security." Wally says, "The man is like a huge insincere spider."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new candidte, #interview, #reveal ugly truth, #dedicated, #employee empowerment, #jennifer, #special pharse, #job interview, #snarky woman, #jettison dignity

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss tells Dilbert, "I want you to interview the new candidate for engineering. Don't reveal any ugly truths." Dilbert and a woman sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "At this company we're dedicated to the principle of employee empowerment, Jennifer." Jennifer asks, "The 'principle of employee empowerment'?" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." Jennifer asks, "Why would you have a special phrase for something like that?" Jennifer continues, "If you could really make decisions on your own it would never occur to you to invent a phrase for it." Dilbert thinks, "My shields are down . . . A hull breach is imminent . . ." Jennifer says, "Just don't tell me you have 'quality teams.'" Dilbert stands up and screams, "Run for it, Jennifer!!! It's too late for me but you can save yourself!!! Run!!!" Dilbert's clothes are tattered and his glasses are bent. Wally says, "Whoa! Hull breach. Any survivors?" Dilbert replies, "One. I had to jettison my dignity but she made it to the escape pod."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new laptops, #osbournes, #sloppy drive, #operating, #internet time

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, The Boss and Wally sit in a meeting. The Boss reads from his notes. The Boss says, "All new computers will be osbornes." The Boss says, "They come with something called a floppy drive." Dilbert says to Wally, "Somethimg tells me we're not operating on 'Internet Time.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rave review, #buy review, #new movie, #afford, #full price range, #new years day, #best comedy so far, #this year

View Transcript

Transcript

A Hollywood type says into the telephone, "Hello.. Yes, I'd like to buy a rave review for my new movie." Dogbert, on the other end of the line, replies, "Can you afford the 'suspenseful thrill ride' or would you like something more in the 'delightful' price range." The man responds, "I'm releasing it on New Year's Day, Can you give me a price for 'Best Comedy So Far This Year?'"