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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 15, 2002's comic on:


Tags #computer, #recycled paper, #doomed to fail, #find joy, #misery, #technology

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The Boss puts his arm around Dilbert and says to the meeting, "I asked Dilbert to lead the team in making a computer entirely from recycled paper." Asok exclaims, "Ha Ha Ha!! You are totally doomed to fail!!" Asok says, "Wally is teaching me to find joy in the misery of others." Dilbert turns to Asok and responds, "You're on my project team."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2002's comic on:


Tags #blame insurance carrier, #give reason, #master plan, #parking lot, #reason, #remove all joy, #tell kids, #universe, #no skateboarding

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The Boss and Carol are looking out the window at the parking lot below. The Boss says, "Carol, tell those kids they can't skateboard in our parking lot." Carol responds, "Should I give them a reason, or is this part of your master plan to remove all joy from the universe?" Catbert is standing by a globe. The Boss says, "They know about the plan." Catbert responds, "Fool! I told you to blame our insurance carrier!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 2004's comic on:


Tags #career day, #container, #cubicle, #bleak oppressiveness, #warp spine, #feel joy, #bochure, #kids school

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Career Day "When you grow up you'll be put in a container called a cubicle." "The bleak oppressiveness will warp your spine and destroy your capacity to feel joy." "Luckily, you'll have a boss like me to motivate you with something called fear." "May I see a brochure?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 16, 1999's comic on:


Tags #proactive, #boring meeting, #fake death, #coffee is posioned, #stiffen, #easier to drag, #pose, #obscene, #spread eagle, #casket, #dispose of body, #Wally

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Wally sits in a metting between Dilbert and Alice. Wally thinks, "I'll have to be proactive to escape this boring meeting." Wally takes a sip from his coffee and thinks, "I'll fake my own death and hope someone drags me into the hallway." Wally says, "Ack!! My coffee is poisoned!" Wally lies on the ground feet in the air. Dilbert says, "Maybe we should drag him into the hallway." Alice says, "No." Alice says, "Let's wait for him to stiffen. Then he'll be easier to drag." Ted says, "We should pose him before he stiffens." Dilbert says, "Something obscene?" Alice says, "Or spread eagle, so he won't fit in a casket." Wally lies on the grouns arms and legs wide with his coffe cup pearched on his face and thinks, "It never pays to be the proactive one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 2008's comic on:


Tags #competition, #mocking, #salvage joy, #work, #five year plan

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Dilbert: Our competitors just made new five-year plan moot. While we were strategizing, they were doing something I believe they call 'work. On the plus side, I managed to salvage some joy by mocking you. The Boss: Whatever you're doing stop it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 2008's comic on:


Tags #dogcart the ceo, #start rumors, #spread lies, #stock pop up, #stock options, #steal, #before computers

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert thinks, "Start some rumors, spread some lies..." Dogbert says, "Wait for the stock to pop up... exercise my stock options... bang!" Dogbert thinks, "How did people steal before computers?"

Scott's Birthday Cake

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Scott's Birthday Cake - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 08, 2015's comic on:


Tags #joy, #joyless, #cruelty, #birthday, #cynicism, #cynic

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Carol: We've got a cake in the break room for Scott's birthday. Dilbert: I see no reason to celebrate the random timing of natural events by eating poison and singing. Carol: Ow! You sucked all of the joy out of my body! Dilbert: Maybe you can backfill it with cake.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 05, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #trophy, #perfect, #attendance, #vicarouis, #dusting, #waxing, #head, #big head, #Dilbert

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Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Look what I won, Dogbert! It's a trophy for perfect attendance!" Dilbert says, "Since YOU've never won a trophy, I thought you might get some vicarious joy by dusting and waxing MY trophy every day. Here." Dilbert walks away saying, "I hope that trophy doesn't go to my head." Dogbert throws the trophy at Dilbert's head.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 01, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #darwin, #evolution, #fins, #aerodynamics, #innovation

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Dilbert has fins strapped to his elbows and head. Dilbert asks Dogbert, "Well? What do you think?" Dogbert replies, "Uh . . ." Dilbert explains, "They're fins . . . Human aerodynamics! The field is totally neglected!!" Dilbert says, "You don't seem to be sharing my joy of innovation." Dogbert replies, "I'm just wondering how Darwin would explain it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 16, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #stayed, #late, #playing, #computer, #tired, #resisting

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A police officer stands in Dilbert's door and says, "I have a report that you stayed up late playing with your computer . . ." The officer continues, "Instead of going to sleep like you're supposed to." Dilbert responds, "I wasn't tired." Dilbert stands with his arms and legs spread. The officer frisks Dilbert and says, "He was resisting a rest."