Staff Meetings Comic Strips - Page 2
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dilbert: my creativity energy is highest in the morning, but you always schedule our meetings then. your ill-timed meetings reduce my effectiveness by eighty percent. boss: what do you do in the afternoons? robert: i use that time to complain about my morning meetings.
Dilbert: Do you mind if I ask Carol to help me schedule these meetings? Boss: Ooh... that's no good. She'd use it as an excuse to do absolutely nothing else for a week. Dilbert: Is it okay if I just stare at you in disbelief? Boss: Shouldn't you be scheduling some meetings?
Demon says, "The government announced tax incentives for new capital investments." Dilbert says, "That's great. Now we can pursue marginally attractive opportunities with our overburdened staff." Demon says, "Is he always like this?" The Boss says, "Yes." Dilbert says, "I'll just divert resources from our top priorities."
Coworker says, "Why haven't you returned my calls?" Wally says, "I tried, but when I put the phone to my ear, it pressed my tragus over my ear hole and I couldn't hear a thing." Coworker says, "Do you do research on your excuses before meetings?" Wally says, "I'm not lazy, I'm useless. There's a big difference."
Boss: I'm waiting for people to walk by so I can criticize you in front of others. Dilbert: What? Boss: I want the criticism to sting as much as possible so you'll be incented to do all the right things in the future. I guess it can wait until the staff meeting. Dilbert: That way I can enjoy the anticipation, too.
Boss: I'm getting reports that you're being arrogant in meetings. Dilbert: That's because I have a deep understanding of technology and a moral obligation to keep simpletons from ruining the world. Boss: Maybe you could tone it down. Dilbert: There's no kill switch on awesome.
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert says as he looks through some transparencies, "I'm putting together a presentation for the Big Boss's staff meeting. We hear he likes geometry." Dogbert reads a transparency that says, "Rectangles: the misunderstood parallelograms." Dogbert says, "It's bound to spark controversy." Dilbert says, "We believe in open communication."
The Boss says to Dilbert and a woman, "Our CEO is announcing a ten-percent staff reduction to cut expenses." Dilbert raises his hand and asks, "Question: didn't our CEO get paid twenty million dollars this year?" The Boss replies, "Yes . . ." The Boss continues, "But risky jobs deserve higher pay." Dilbert raises his hand and asks, "Question: didn't you say WE were getting cut?"
The Boss says to Dilbert and two other employees, "The staff cuts will be determined by tossing a dart at the organization chart while blindfolded." The Boss puts on a blindfold and throws the dart. Someone screams. A woman says, "You slayed Johnson!" The Boss replies, "Boy, talk about decisive management!"
Dilbert stands in front of Zimbu the Monkey's desk and says, "Look, Zimbu, you might have learned language skills at the zoo, but it takes more than that to be an engineer." Wally enters and says, "Dilbert, Zimbu, let's hit the cafeteria for morning donuts." Dilbert, Wally and Zimbu sit at a table eating donuts. Dilbert says, "Okay, after ten a.m. it takes more than language skills to be an engineer." Wally says, "Not today -- we have a staff meeting."