Staus Reprts Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

22 Results for Staus Reprts

View 11 - 20 results for staus reprts comic strips. Discover the best "Staus Reprts" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, sadistic plot, different objectives, staus report, staple himself

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert peers over the wall of Wally's cubicle and says, "Guess what, Wally." Wally says, "What sadistic plot has HR come up with now, Catbert?" Catbert shows Wally an org chart and says, "We're giving you a real boss plus a 'dotted line' to another boss who has different objectives." Catbert continues, "The status reports alone will take forty hours a week." Wally opens a stapler and says, "I'm gonna staple myself to death."

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags pond scum, nice to know, lower staus, brochures, vendor, hurts

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Wally walk down the hall together. Dilbert says, "Although we are nothing but pond scum in this company . . ." Dilbert continues as they walk into a conference room, "It's nice to know we can still find someone of lower status to torment." Dilbert and Wally sit at a table with a vendor. Dilbert says, "You call these brochures? How can I even consider buying products from a 'ven-duh' such as you?" Wally reaches for the salesperson's ear and says, "Tell me if this hurts."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conversation, boss approval, mixed messages, staus report

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss stands behind Alice's desk and says, "Alice, I understand you had a conversation with my boss without my approval." The Boss continues, "We don't want to give mixed messages. It would be very bad if she got any mixed messages." Alice says, "I just gave her an honest status report." The Boss screams and yells, "Mixed messages!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new policy, discriminate against single people, legal, marital staus, no reason, home, polygamists

View Transcript

Transcript

At a staff me Boss meets with Dilbert and Wally. The Boss says, "My new policy is to discriminate against single people. It's totally legal!" The Boss holds up a piece of paper and says, "Write your marital status on this list so I know who has no reason to go home at night." They all leave the meetin and the Boss looks at the list. He says, "Dang! What are the odds you'd all be polygamists?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags project staus, budget cuts, new prodcut, user interface, target market, too shy, bad sign, no laws, do for living

View Transcript

Transcript

Project Status: Dilbert is giving a presentation. He points to the overhead projection. He says, "Due to budget cuts, our new product will have no user interface." The projection shows a blank computer monitor. Dilbert continues, "Our target market is people who are too shy to return products." The projection is of a person blushing. Dilbert comes home carrying his brief case. He says to Dogbert, "Is it a bad sign if you spend the day wondering why there are no laws against what you do for a living?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engineering liason, project staus, translate for clients, never completed, idiot clients, change requirements

View Transcript

Transcript

The Engineering Liason says to Dilbert, "Tell me your project status and I'll translate for our clients." Dilbert says, "The project will never be completed because our idiot clients change the requirements every other day." The Engineering Liason responds, "I'll just say you're drunk."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags temporary boss, revamp, project staus, color codes, confess, only one idea, emabrrassing

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally addresses a meeting, "My first act as temporary boss is revamping our project status color codes." Wally points to a slide and says, "Red, yellow, and green will be replaced by white, off-white, and eggshell." Wally continues, "I have to confess, it was embarrassing to realize I only have one idea."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new guy, project staus report, random pharse, generatormmeail, listens, when he's talking

View Transcript

Transcript

"Alice, can you show the new guy how to do a project status report?" "He doesn't read them, so we all use a random phrase generator. I'll e-mail it to you." "You said that in front of him." "He only listens when he's talking."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, idea, low staus, not enjoy it, power, speaking truth to power, speaks back

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I have a great idea. Would you like to hear it? The boss: Well, considering your low status in the company and how busy I am I would not enjoy it one bit. Asok: I like speaking truth to power, but I don't like when it speaks back.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags project staus report, infinity

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: When will I get your project status report? Dilbert: "You're asking for a status report on the status of the status report?" The Boss: "Right. When can I get that?" Dilbert: "It's starting to look like infinity."