Take The Job Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Take The Job

View 11 - 20 results for take the job comic strips. Discover the best "Take The Job" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil hr directorm not enjoying job, #powerful anti depressant, #prescribe drugs, #illegal

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director. Alice says to Catbert, "I'm not enjoying my job." Catbert hands Alice a bottle of pills and says, "Take this powerful anti- depressant drug for the rest of your life." Alice responds, "I didn't know H.R. could prescribe drugs." Catbert says, "I'd hate to live in a world where that was illegal." Alice reads the bottle aloud, "Boss-proof cap."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fill out form, #rules, #helpless, #defeated atitude, #excellent job, #quitting time, #useless form

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert follows Carol as she walks away. Dilbert holds a piece of paper. Dilbert says, "Why should I fill out this form? It would take an hour and it doesn't even apply to me." Carol says, "I don't make the rules. I just apply them with a helpless and defeated attitude." Dilbert says, "You're doing an excellent job." Carol looks at her watch and says, "Seven more hours until quitting time."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #downsize wally, #downsized, #economic neccessity, #exercise didn't work, #salary, #stressful job, #team builkding, #value of stock options, #afford movies, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss sits at his desk and says, "Dilbert, I've decided to downsize you." The Boss continues, "It's nothing personal, just an economic necessity." Dilbert tugs nervously at his necktie. The Boss says, "I calculated how much your salary was dragging down the value of my stock options." The Boss continues, "Without you, I can afford to go to the movies one additional time per year." The Boss continues, "And let's face it: recreation is important when one has a stressful job." Dilbert waves his arms and says sarcastically, "Hey, why don't you downsize Wally instead. You'll save enough in office supplies to buy popcorn too. Sheesh!" The Boss thinks, "Mmm . . ." Wally asks Dilbert, "How'd it go?" Dilbert says, "You know that team-building exercise we did last week? It didn't take."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #motivating you, #great job, #golfing day, #cow owkrers, #pay cut

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert and Wally, "I decided to try to motivate you." The Boss says, "...If you do a great job, you get to go on a golfing day with co-workers." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: Can I take a pay cut instead." Wally thinks, "ZZZZ"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job as waiter, #job as engineer, #qualified, #manager, #slapping drunk

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert are sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee. Dilbert says, "Maybe I'll take a job as a waiter until I can get a job as an engineer." Dogbert replies, "You're not qualified to wait on tables." Dilbert responds, "How hard could it be?" A waiter is juggling dishes unsteadily. He says to Dilbert, "The manager is over there slapping a drunk."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assignment, #job, #department, #manager, #pretend job useful, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to The Boss, "Um.. you gave me an assignment that isn't my job and doesn't need to be done." The Boss replies, "I'm trying to take over another department by doing their work. Later I'll say their manager should report to me." Dilbert says, "Could we at least pretend my job is useful?" The Boss replies, "Don't I always?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #everyones opinion, #Advice, #best job, #crazy ideas, #mental, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: "I'll get everyone's opinion, and then I'll make my decision." Alice: "Translation: you'll take the advice of whoever does the best job of trash-talking everyone else." The Boss: "Where do you get these crazy ideas?" Dilbert: "She's mental."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #single source vendor, #job offer, #vp title, #waiting eriod

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: Okay, I convinced my company to make you our single source vendor. I assume you'll be make me a job offer now. any vp title will be fine. I'll just take an empty office. There ...is...a...waiting period!!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Wally, #meeting, #does nothing, #angrily identify problems, #not job, #ambiguous, #taking forever, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Wally, Dilbert, and others are in a meeting. Wally raises his hand and says, "Someone should take care of that problem!" Dilbert turns to Wally and says, "YOU should take care of it." Wally replies, "I can't do everything." Alice says, "You don't do anything." Asok adds, "Not a single thing." Wally says, "It's my job to angrily identify problems." The Boss, with his head in his hands, interjects, "Wally..." The Boss continues, "This is NOT your job!" Wally asks, "What?" Wally is up in arms as he says to the Boss, "Everything is so ambiguous here! Someone should take care of that problem!" Turning to Dilbert, Wally adds, "Is it just me, or is this meeting taking forever?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #best, #hire back, #not old job, #sales, #train you to lie, #worst, #desparate, #take anything, #need money, #job, #take advantage of, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert says to Dilbert, "We can hire you back but not at your old job." Dilbert responds, "That's okay. I'll do anything but sales. I would be the worst salesperson on Earth." Catbert says, "It's sales." Dilbert replies, "Did I just say worst when I meant best?" Catbert responds, "We'll have to train you to lie better."