Teach Elbonians Comic Strips - Page 2
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245 Results for Teach Elbonians
View 11 - 20 results for teach elbonians comic strips. Discover the best "Teach Elbonians" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday November 24,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #elbonians, #futile, #civil, #war, #living, #animals, #fighting, #civilized, #country, #slaughter, #discriminate, #economically, #speech, #solo, #secretary, #state
Transcript
Dilbert stands in the middle of a crowd of Elbonians, spreads his arms and yells, "Elbonians hear me! You must end your futile civil war." Dilbert gestures toward a pig and continues, "You've been loving your animals and fighting each other. A civilized country should slaughter the animals and simply discriminate economically against each other!" Dilbert asks an Elbonian, "How did my speech go over?" The Elbonian points to the pig and says, "I'm sold, but I think the Secretary of State was a bit put off."
Wednesday August 25,
1993
Tags #elbonia, #elbonian men, #Dilbert, #management, #business consulting
Transcript
Dilbert says to three Elbonians, "I've been sent to teach you 'Total Quality Management.'" Dilbert points at a visual aid that says "Quality equals good (1950)." Dilbert says, "In the old days, quality was just an empty word meaning 'good.'" Dilbert continues, "Eventually it evolved into a complicated method for transferring your money to business consultants."
Monday March 27,
1995
Tags #elbonians, #run comapony, #only female engineer, #watch discrimination, #coffee wenches
Transcript
Dilbert, Wally and Alice stand outside a conference room holding folders. Alice says, "In a way, I'm glad the Elbonians run this company now." As they take their seats at the conference table, Alice smiles and says, "After years of being the only female engineer I'll enjoy watching the Elbonians discriminate against you guys." The Elbonian sitting next to Alice hands her a mug and says, "I didn't realize you had coffee wenches in this country too." Alice looks furious. Wally says to the Elbonian, "I hope you don't want children, Yorgi." A caption reads, "Continued . . ."
Friday February 23,
1996
Tags #software, #under contract, #methodology, #village meetings, #juggle, #elbonians, #slam out code, #go roller skating, #pig, #animals, #engineering
Transcript
Dilbert perches on a rock using a laptop. He says to two Elbonians, "Before I accept the software you wrote under contract, tell me what development methodology you use." One Elbonian says, "We hold village meetings to boast of our skills and curse the devil-spawned end-users." The other Elbonian adds, "Sometimes we juggle." The first Elbonian continues, "At the last minute we slam out some code and go roller skating." Dilbert says, "I would find this humorous if not for the pig on my back." A pig clings to Dilbert lovingly.
Saturday November 24,
2001
Tags #elbonia, #dollar of severence, #rich, #motivated by slogans, #elbonians, #mud pool, #standing in mud pool
Transcript
Headline: In Elbonia. Dilbert says to the Elbonians, "I'm authorized give each of you one dollar of severance pay." The Elbonians exclaim, "We're rich!!!" Dilbert asks, "How much were we paying you?" An Elbonian replies, "Nothing. We were entirely motivated by slogans."
Thursday March 21,
2002
Tags #elbonians, #classified ad, #nuclear war head, #russian craftsmanship, #third world countries, #slingshot, #hundred yards
Transcript
Two Elbonians show up at Dilbert's house door. Dogbert opens. An Elbonian says, "We saw your classified ad for a nuclear warhead." Dogbert says, "It's genuine Russian craftsmanship, ideal for menacing other third-world countries." An Elbonian responds, "Sweet." An Elbonian holds the warhead and says, "Our slingshot can fling this a hundred yards. Is that enough?" Dogbert looks at their briefcase full of money and says, "That's plenty."
Wednesday May 07,
2003
Tags #exporting leprechaun meat, #cameras, #elbonians, #no excuse
Transcript
Headline: P.R. for Elbonia. Dogbert is standing on a table. He addresses two Elbonians, "The media give you a bad rap for exporting leprechaun meat." Dogbert continues, "Our ad campaign will feature a leprechaun explaining that they enjoy being eaten." Ratbert is dressed up like a leprechaun in front of cameras. He is standing in a frying pan and holding a meat tenderizer. He says, "Elbonians are our best friends. Now excuse me while I tenderize myself."
Thursday May 08,
2003
Tags #elbonians, #buy influence, #vote, #Politics
Transcript
Headline: P.R. for Elbonia. Dogbert is meeting with two Elbonians. Dogbert says, "You need to buy influence in Washington." Dogbert continues, "It sounds expensive, but it's a lot more affordable than you'd think." An Elbonian stands outside of a building in Washington D.C. He stops a politician and asks, "Gum?" The politician responds, "You got my vote!"
Friday March 04,
2005
Tags #america, #arrogance, #elbonians, #end of time, #fight you, #fix problems, #what we do
Transcript
In Elbonia Wally: "I'm from America and I'm here to fix all of your problems." Elbonians: "Your arrogance is offensive. We will form an armed resistance and right you to the end of time!" Wally: "Um... Why?" Elbonians: "It's just something we do."
Tuesday September 30,
2008
Tags #new elbonian management, #not discriminate, #non elbonians, #belief system, #level as livestock, #wrong hoof, #new superior
Transcript
An Elbonian says, "I assure you that your new Elbonian management will not discriminate against non-Elbonians." Someone says, "Doesn't your belief system hold that all non-Elbonians are on the same level as livestock?" The Elbonian says, "Someone is starting off on the wrong hoof with his new supervisor."