Tell Each Employee Comic Strips - Page 2
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1000 Results for Tell Each Employee
View 11 - 20 results for tell each employee comic strips. Discover the best "Tell Each Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday March 03,
1996
Tags new candidte, interview, reveal ugly truth, dedicated, employee empowerment, jennifer, special pharse, job interview, snarky woman, jettison dignity
Transcript
The Boss tells Dilbert, "I want you to interview the new candidate for engineering. Don't reveal any ugly truths." Dilbert and a woman sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "At this company we're dedicated to the principle of employee empowerment, Jennifer." Jennifer asks, "The 'principle of employee empowerment'?" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." Jennifer asks, "Why would you have a special phrase for something like that?" Jennifer continues, "If you could really make decisions on your own it would never occur to you to invent a phrase for it." Dilbert thinks, "My shields are down . . . A hull breach is imminent . . ." Jennifer says, "Just don't tell me you have 'quality teams.'" Dilbert stands up and screams, "Run for it, Jennifer!!! It's too late for me but you can save yourself!!! Run!!!" Dilbert's clothes are tattered and his glasses are bent. Wally says, "Whoa! Hull breach. Any survivors?" Dilbert replies, "One. I had to jettison my dignity but she made it to the escape pod."
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Friday November 26,
1999
Tags the turnaround ceo, mole, fire, affect revenue, outsource everything, one smart employee, risk, rude
Transcript
The Turnaround CEO The devilish looking CEO asks Dilbert, "Tell me, mole, who can I fire without affecting revenue?" Dilbert replies, "In theory, you could outsource everything and run the company with one smart employee." Dilbert continues, "And at the risk of sounding rude, only one of us knew that."
Thursday June 08,
2000
Tags boss, edfred, freak, new hire, new plan, trust, two faced employee, two headed
Transcript
EDFRED: Hi, Im Edfred the two faced employee. If you tell your boss his new plan is stupid I'll back you up. Dilbert: Really? I don't like the looks of this.
Wednesday June 27,
2001
Tags meeting to discuss, employee retention, employees quit, useless meetings, reasons, first meetings
Transcript
The Boss comes into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "We're having a meeting to discuss employee retention." Dilbert replies, "Tell them that employees quit because there are too many useless meetings." The Boss says, "We won't be getting into reasons at the first meeting."
Thursday August 08,
2002
Tags empty cubicles, frightens customres, adopt cubicle, decorate, appear occupied, phil de cube, imaginary employee
Transcript
The Boss addresses a meeting, "We have too many empty cubicles. It frightens our customers." The Boss continues, "Each of you will adopt an empty cubicle and decorate it to appear occupied." Wally and Dilbert are walking out. Wally says, "My imaginary employee will be a Frenchman named Phil de Cube." Dilbert responds, "Nice."
Wednesday February 14,
2007
Tags 25 each, cheap hot dogs, cover charge, employee appreciation day, evil director, harder to appreciate, pocket money
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert: Employee Appreciation Day is next Tuesday. The cover charge is $25 apiece. wally: How do we know you won't buy cheap hot dogs and pocket the rest of our money? Catbert: Every day it gets harder to appreciate you." gulp gulp gulp
Monday February 08,
2016
Employee Hat With Sensors
Tags mind control, thoughts, police, policing, work ethic, leisure, daydreaming, control, surveillance, legal
Transcript
Boss: The sensors in your employee hat tell me you are not having work-related thoughts. I have to dock your pay for all of that leisure time you try to sneak into your workday. Here's a screen shot of what you've been thinking. Dilbert: I'm going to remember this as a bad day.
Saturday May 07,
2016
Entitled Employee Buys A Car
Tags entitled, entitlement, millennials, work ethic, lazy, consumerism
Transcript
The Entitled Employee. Man: I need a raise because I bought a luxury car. Boss: Your pay is based on your performance, not your personal expenses. Man: You leave me no choice but to keep the car and not pay for it. Boss: Tell them you deserve it.
Friday May 27,
2011
Tags mobile (cell) phones, surveillance, security, employee locator device, smarthone, questions, text to yourself
Transcript
Boss: Security says your employee locator device isn't turned on. Dilbert: My what? Boss: I think you call it your smartphone. Dilbert: I might have some questions. Boss: Put them in a text to yourself. I'll read them later.
Saturday August 20,
2011
Tags conversation, interviews, biggest mistake, learned from t, old couch, chewing, starbucks, never tell story
Transcript
Interview question. Boss: Describe your biggest mistake and what you learned from it. Man: I tried to get rid of an old couch by chewing it into tiny pieces and leaving one handful at a time at a Starbucks. Boss: And what did you learn? Man: I learned I should never tell that story.