Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss says, "Dilbert, I'm putting you on a rotational assignment . . ." The Boss continues, "You will be working in marketing until further notice." Dilbert arrives at the entrance to marketing. A sign over the door says, "Two drink minimum." Everyone inside is wearing a robe and holding a drink.
Dilbert sits at a table in a restaurant with a two-headed woman. The woman says, "Our last blind date was intimidated just because we're two-headed and telepathic." Dilbert thinks, "Must clear my mind. Don't think of anything naughty." Dilbert thinks, "Oops." The woman spills her drink.
"Ratbert the consultant"
"It looks like you've all done your assignments for me."
"Your input is so important that I'll have it put in a big binder in stored in the same building that your president works!"
"And I'll put in a good word for you when I meet with your boss later today."
"Wink, thumbs up"
"How about two good words?"
Ratbert: A hush comes over the crowd. This would be Ratbert's most difficult dive.
Dilbert: I give it a two.
Ratbert: The judges were cruel but rather captured the hearts aof the audience , endorsements would follow.
The Boss: Two people in a focus group loved our product. So we're doubling our production.
Dilbert: The opinions of two people are not statically useful.
...especially if you're one of the two people.
The boss: I knew those free sandwiches were too good to be true.
Ted: I predict sales to be nothing for two years and then take a sudden surge.
Dilbert: Why?
Ted: The surge was added so I could get the business case approved. The two -year lag gives me time to get promoted.
Dilbert: What about accountability?
Dilbert: thats where you come in.
"Great news -- You're fired!"
"You get a generous severance package, two weeks' vacation, AND we hire you back as a contractor for more money!!"
"And I can telecommute if I want, but since dress codes don't apply to me..."
"Aargh!"
"Bonk, Bonk"
The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "Have fun working. I'm off to the two-week management retreat in the mountains." The Boss continues, "It's so sad you can't come. I guess there isn't room at the four-star hotel." As he flees from books and folders being hurled at him, the Boss thinks, "Now I know why it's called a retreat."
The Boss, Carol, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We're poised for success. We expect huge earnings and increased market share!" Looking at a document, the Boss says, "Next on the agenda . . . There will be no raises because it will be a difficult year . . ." The Boss says, "Carol, I thought I told you to put the 'United Way' update between those two agenda items." Carol says, "Oopsie."
The caption says, "Performance Review." Tina the Tech Writer sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Your main accomplishment was the department newsletter which was both uninteresting and unimportant. You get no raise." Tina looks shocked and says, "The newsletter was YOUR idea, and it's boring because most of the articles are contributed by my idiotic co-workers." The Boss says, "You don't seem to understand the value of teamwork." Tina replies, "I understand its value; it just cost me a two-percent raise."
