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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 29, 2001's comic on:


Tags #dunking tank, #united charity day, #bonk, #lines, #wait in lines

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The Boss is sitting next to Alice and Dilbert. The Boss announces, "I've agreed to be in the dunking tank for this year's United Charity Day." Carol comes up behind them and throws a ball at The Boss, hitting him on the head. "Bonk!!" Alice and Dilbert look down. The Boss has flipped upside down and fallen under the table. Carol says calmly, "I don't like lines."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 2013's comic on:


Tags #astroid intercept missle, #fate of earth, #scientific equipment, #united nations, #science

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Boss: Good news! We were the low bidder for The United Nation's asteroid intercept missile. The fate of Earth depends on your combined talents plus my management skills. Wally, you're in charge of fissile material, which I assume is a type of soda.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 28, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #dan quayle, #vice president, #states, #pants, #lord, #bed, #rock

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit outdoors. Dilbert says, "Oh, sure, Dan Quayle may be Vice President of the United States . . ." Dilbert continues, ". . . But he still puts his pants on one leg at a time." Dan Quayle sits on his bed with his arms through one of his pant legs. Marilyn Quayle covers her eyes and thinks, "Oh, Lord, not this again . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 02, 1992's comic on:


Tags #alien, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #space, #television, #leaders, #world, #world domination, #parking space, #elevator, #reckless, #prank, #translator

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A television news reporter says into her microphone, "The leaders of the world met today to consider the demands of Dogbert the Space Alien." At the United Nations, a world leader says, "All in favor of letting the alien run the world raise your hand." The caption says, "Meanwhile in the translators' booth, a reckless prank is being played." Three translators with headsets sit at a table. One translator says, "He says, 'Who wants my parking space by the elevator?'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #electronic, #world, #poll, #collective, #economic, #majority, #selfish, #ambitions, #democratic, #system

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Dogbert stands on a desk chair working on the computer. Dilbert says, "Now that you've united the electronic mail users of the world, what are you going to do?" Dogbert replies, "I'll poll them about their needs, then use their collective political and economic power to get them whatever the majority wants." Dilbert asks, "Couldn't you easily rig the vote to support your own selfish ambitions?" Dogbert says, "I love the democratic system."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 1994's comic on:


Tags #teller, #automated, #machine, #menus, #chinese language option

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Dilbert: Im getting performance anxiety at the automated teller machine. I feel the impatient glare of the stranger behind me. I try to prove competent by speeding through the menus. Good Lord, I hit the mandarin chinese language option. Oh no! I think I transferred my life savings to the "United way" Great...now his truck eyeballs are stuck to the back of my neck. This is exactly why I hate going to the automated teller. Dogbert: I think a little "visine" would make him slide right off. Dilbert: There was a time I could afford that...

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 1998's comic on:


Tags #happy birthday alice, #gift, #charity money, #team spitit, #ash tray, #dont smoke, #ashtray as gift

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Alice and Dilbert sit at a table. Wally stands at the table. Wally says, "Happy Birthday Alice!" Dilbert gives Alice a gift. Wally says, "I was planning to get a gift..." Wally continues, "But then I thought...". Alice takes the gift from Dilbert. Wally says, "Why not give the money to a charity in Alice's name?" Alice asks, "Really? Which charity?" Wally says, "Ummm...'The United Society of Poor People with Major Health Problems'." Alice opens Dilbert's gift. Alice says, "...And Dilbert got me an ashtray even though I don't smoke." Dilbert says, "You don't?" Wally and Dilbert sit at the table. Alice's seat is empty. Alice has left her gift on the table. Wally says, "They say this sort of thing builds team spirit." Dilbert says, "It must be gradual."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 06, 2016's comic on:


Tags #idea, #criticism, #inventions, #obfuscate

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Dilbert: And that is my idea for our new product. Are there any ignorant objections? Man: Your idea is totally ridiculous! It's like you're tying to build castles in the sky! Dilbert: Have you heard of Air Force One, the plane used by the president of The United States? That's basically a castle in the sky, and someone built it. Man: Well, if your idea is so good, why hasn't someone already done it? Dilbert: I'm guessing that everyone else had co-workers like you.