Unwritten Rules Comic Strips - Page 2
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Dilbert follows Carol as she walks away. Dilbert holds a piece of paper. Dilbert says, "Why should I fill out this form? It would take an hour and it doesn't even apply to me." Carol says, "I don't make the rules. I just apply them with a helpless and defeated attitude." Dilbert says, "You're doing an excellent job." Carol looks at her watch and says, "Seven more hours until quitting time."
Tags #attractive, #body language, #employee satisfaction, #extent of feelings, #fake happiness, #impending reorganization, #Lottery, #marketing feild, #new rules, #not motivated, #paycheck, #sarcastic, #survey, #unprofessional, #work
The caption says, "Asok the Intern explains the new rules of body language." Asok smiles and says, "Fake happiness." The caption says, "This means: I am not motivated by the size of my paycheck." Asok looks at his paycheck and sobs loudly. The caption says, "This means: I am slightly concerned about the impending reorganization." Asok shivers and looks frightened. The caption says, "This means: I have decided to work in the marketing field." Asok sticks out his tongue and turns his head in a "counter-clockwise spin." The caption says, "This means: I am being sarcastic." Asok says, "Oh, THERE'S a good plan." The caption says, "Note lips." The caption says, "This means: The recent employee satisfaction survey has not captured the extent of my feelings." Asok hangs in a noose. The caption says, "This means: I think you are attractive but it would be very unprofessional to show it." Asok looks at a woman and his eyes pop out of his head. The caption says, "This means: My lottery investment paid off." Asok gives the Boss a wedgie.
Dilbert's mom and Dilbert sit on the couch in Dilbert's living room. Dilbert's mom says, "...I'm going to infrared from the keyboard to my "linux" box." She has a keyboard on her lap. Dilbert says, "Nice mom" Dilbert's mom makes a fist and says, "I just sent a flaming e-mail to Bill gates, saying "Linux rules!" Dilbert says, "you what?" Bill gates sits in captians chair in a military looking facility. Bill says, "Launch the competitionkeeper missiles."
MANAGEMENT TRAINING: Dogbert says, "There are two essential rules of management." The Management Training class, with Alice sitting in the front row, listens as Dogbert continues, "One: The customer is always right." Dogbert continues, "Two: They must be punished for their arrogance!"
Dilbert holds a gift. He says to a salesman, "Thank you, but I can only accept gifts under $25. How much is this?" The salesman replies, "$26." Dilbert hands the gift back to the salesman and says, "Well, thanks anyway." The salesman responds, "Rules are rules." Alice is holding the gift. She says, "You're a very nice for a salesperson. But how much is this worth?" The salesman replies slyly, "$26. Why?"
Coworker: I just realized I love the sound of my own voice! Ha ha! Thanks to the unspoken rules of meetings, I can enjoy the sound of myself as long as I want! Blah, blah, blah! Loud Howard: What's all that noise!? Topper: That's nothing! No one knew the perfect storm was approaching
"Can I talk to you after the mandatory meeting?" "Whoa! Whoa! I didn't give you approval to attend that meeting." "The meeting is mandatory." "Approval is mandatory too." "Okay, whatever." "May I go to the mandatory meeting?" "All requests must be in writing." "It's mandatory!!! Man-duh-tory!!!" "If people start bending the rules, before long, murder will be legal." "That was the finest mandatory meeting I've ever attended! They handed out cash!" "Shut up."
Boss: I'm reading a great management book about the rules of leadership. Dilbert: Allow me to put that in context. There are probably 10,000 books about leadership, and each one has a different approach. And there are millions of real leaders, of which no two are alike. Moreover, every situation is unique and requires a different type of leader. And yet this one author has found a magic formula to transform you from a gullible baboon into a great leader. And that makes sense because all great leaders throughout history achieved success by reading a random book. Boss: I don't like context. Dilbert: It isn't popular.
Dilbert: I finished coding the software, but I used a much better database than our company standard. ed: In other words, your software is terrific, but we won't be able to use it because or our internal rules. Dilbert: The alternative was to write sub-optimal code. I'd rather be dead. Ted: I curse my lack of authority!
Dogbert consults DOgbert: Company rules forbid you from insulting your co-workers. I'll teach you how to insult each other while staying within company guidelines. The boss: That doesn't seem possible. Dogbert: you should look into getting a standing desk.