Vision Statement Comic Strips - Page 2
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View 11 - 20 results for vision statement comic strips. Discover the best "Vision Statement" comics from Dilbert.com.
Dilbert sits at his desk working and talking on the phone at the same time. The Boss asks, "Have you set up our off-site meeting so we can talk about how overworked you are?" The Boss continues, "I was thinking we should invite the reast of the staff, too. We can discuss our mission statement, maybe have a sack race." The Boss adds, "Did you know that if you're a state trooper, you can shoot any animal that's been hit by a car?"
The Boss sits at his desk thinking, "Profits are down. Morale is low. What is the root problem?" The Boss thinks, "It's got to be those anti-management cartoons the employees hang on their cubicle walls!" The Boss looks at the comic strips hanging on Wally's cubicle. The Boss says, "And they aren't even funny." Wally points to a strip and says, "This one has our mission statement."
Carol hands Alice a document and says, "Alice, here's the agenda for the next project meeting." Alice shouts, "Two hours?!! Aaagh!!! There's only ten minutes' worth of tasks!!" Alice thinks, "Uh-oh. I think I'm temporarily sane." Carol says, "Try breathing into a paper bag and repeating our mission statement."
The Boss walks by Dilbert, who follows holding a piece of paper and says, "Can you explain how the company's new "Statement of Core Values" will change my behavior?" The Boss sits down at his desk. Dilbert continues, "I was planning to poison the town's water supply. But wait! It's against our core values!" The Boss says, "Is your sarcasm absolutely necessary?" Dilbert checks the document and says, "Let me check. Hmm... it's not addressed."
Wally, Alice, and Dilbert are meeting. Wally says, "Alice is overdosing on antidepressants." Dilbert says, "We must induce vomiting." Wally holds a piece of paper in front of Alice's face. Wally says, "Look at our mission statement, Alice. The people who wrote it earn ten times your salary." Dilbert comes home disheveled. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "The plan worked perfectly, up to the point where all three of us were having and Alice was punching us."
The Boss: "As your leader it's my job to provide a vision." "But frankly, I'm not seeing anything." Wally: "Have another donut. Sometimes the sugar helps." The Boss: "It's working. I'm getting something, but it's fuzzy." Alice: "Quick! Try my coffee!" The boss: "Mmph!" "Oh yeah, there it is. Oh-oh-oh." "It looks like I'll be living in a big house with servants. And you'll all get laid off." Dilbert: "This vision thing is overrated." Wally: "So; do you have a gardener lined up yet?"
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss hands him a paper and says, "Here's the company vision and business plan." Dilbert reads, "'Vision: Empowered employees working toward a common plan.' Sounds good." Dilbert says, "But the business plan is blank." The Boss says, "It's confidential." Dilbert asks, "How am I supposed to know what to do?" The Boss says, "I'll yell at you if you do the wrong thing." Dilbert says, "I thought I was empowered." The Boss says, "Don't be so literal." Dilbert turns around and says, "I'll just keep doing what I was doing." The Boss screams, "No!!! You fool!!!" Dilbert faces the reader. Dilbert asks, "We're doomed, aren't we?" The Boss says, "I don't know. I haven't seen the plan."
Tags #laptop, #freezing up, #telecommuting, #distracted at home, #virtual cubcile, #invisible walls, #cone of prodcutivity, #dedicated, #cone, #focused, #corporate vision, #firm commitment, #work at hime, #victory
Dilbert sits at his desk in his bathrobe. Dogbert says, "My laptop PC keeps freezing up. Come take a look at it." Dilbert replies, "I'm telecommuting, Dogbert. I can't be distracted by home projects." Dilbert says, "Don't come another step closer. This is my virtual cubicle, within which I can not be disturbed." Dilbert spreads his arms and continues, "These invisible walls form a cone of productivity around me." Dilbert continues, "Within this zone I am a dedicated employee, totally focused on the corporate vision." Dilbert continues, "Nothing can distract me from my firm commitment to the work-at-home principle." Dogbert says, "Fine. I think I'll set the couch on fire." Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table working on a laptop. Dogbert says, "Another victory for the distractor!" Dilbert says, "I swear, someday principle will win!"
Dilbert and Dogbert walk down the sidewalk. Dogbert says, "People are getting stupider every day, relatively speaking." Dogbert continues, "The complexity of the world is increasing geometrically." Dogbert continues, "But your ability to learn is at the same slow trickle it has always been." Dogbert climbs onto a rock and continues, "Information is gushing toward your brain like a firehose aimed at a teacup." Dogbert stands on the rock and continues, "You're at a crossroads in history. Even the smartest among you has become 'functionally stupid.'" Dogbert continues, "Your only hope is to choose a leader whose vision can penetrate the thick fog of human incompetence." Dogbert raises his paws and shouts, "Dogbert for Supreme Ruler of Earth!!" Dilbert sits on a rock and asks, "Do you want my opinion?" Dogbert says, "What are the odds of that?"
A man says, "In this two day workshop, you will learn to embrace our company's mission and vision." Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit in the audience. The man continues, "At first glance it will appear to be a bunch of useless jargon created by functionally illiterate executives." The man continues, "But after we do some mind-numbing group exercises . . ." The man continues, ". . . You'll forget that you're underpaid and you have no job security." The man turns to an easel and says, "We'll begin by writing down all the things that 'ethical behavior' means to you." Alice says, "I've got a better idea: if you let us leave now, we'll give you high marks on the class evaluation." The man stands at the front of the room thinking. Wally hands the man his evaluation and says, "Good job. You touched me." The man replies, "You wish."