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Dilbert stands at the stove wearing an apron and looking into a pot. Dilbert asks Dogbert, "How can I tell when spaghetti is cooked?" Dogbert replies, "I'll have to wear the hat to answer that question." Dogbert walks back into the room wearing a chef's hat. Dogbert answers, "The spaghetti is done when you can throw it at the wall and make it stick." Dilbert thinks, "Seems odd . . . But he was wearing the hat." Dogbert hears, "Whap! Splash!" Dogbert says, "Preferably, one strand at a time."
Dilbert is sitting at his computer and says, "I'm wearing work clothes while I telecomute, to maintain discipline." Dobgert stands behind him and says, "Is it working?" Dilbert gets up and walks to the kitchen and says, "I'll test the theory by seeing if my clothes stop me from going to the kitchen." Dilbert sits at the kitchen table holding a sandwich. The table is covered with food: potato chips, fruit, soda, pickles, etc. He says, "Apparently my clothes are defective. Dogbert says, "Haven't I been saying that?"
The Boss says, "Dilbert, I want you to interview the job applicant who's coming in today." The Boss continues, "See if he's got what it takes to be an engineer." Dilbert holds out his hand and says to the candidate, "Hi, Karl. We'll start with the standard engineering test." Karl says, "Okey dokey." Dilbert says, "I have thiry-five pens and pencils here. How many are really needed to perform your job?" Karl answers, "All of them." Dilbert says, "Correct . . . Now, what is the proper way to carry them with you?" Karl puts all of the pens and pencils in his shirt pocket. Dilbert says, "Right again. Last question: what is the advantage of wearing natural fabrics?" Karl thinks, "Uh-oh . . . Panic situation." Sweat flies off his forehead and his hair sticks up. He says, "I . . . I don't know." Dilbert says, "That's okay. I was testing your hair. You're an engineer." Karl smiles.
Dilbert, Alice and Wally are eating lunch. Alice says, "I experienced something called positive reinforcement today." Alice continues, "I'm addicted to it now... But it's wearing off... Must get more..." Alice says, "Say something nice about me!" Dilbert chews his lunch as Wally says, "For a crazy woman you don't drool much."
Dilbert: "Our new chip is slower than our competition's products." The Boss: "We'll claim we're the fastest. If anyone does benchmark tests, we'll say they used old drivers." Dilbert: "Whenever I talk to you, I feel like I should be wearing a wire." The boss: "Since when is marketing a crime?"
Dogbert: "From now on, all of my arguments will be based on definitions that are not in any dictionary." "For example, I could argue that you're a facist because you're wearing pajamas." Dilbert: "I'm only wearing the top." Dogbert: "Man I wish I didn't know that."
The Boss says, "I'd like to thank our CEO for coming to our meeting." Dilbert says, "You said everyone would be wearing costumes today." Wally says, "I'm unreliable." Dilbert says, "I kind of hate you now." Wally says, "Geez, who moved your cheese?"
Dogbert is sitting at a conference table across from Dilbert and Alice and flanked by the boss and Wally. Dogbert says, "What is your most valuable asset?" Wally says, "Employees?" The boss stifles a laugh "Hee" Dogbert says, "Your most valuable asset is rampant ignorance." Dogbert continues, "For example, you would never start a project if you knw how much it would really cost." Turning to Wally, Dogbert says, "Employees stay here because they don't know there are better jobs across the street." Wally says, "What?" Turning to the boss, Dogbert says, "Customers buy your products because they don't know about all the bugs." The boss says, "Good point." Holding a trashcan, Dogbert says, "I recommend wearing trash cans on your heads to avoid any accidental exposure to knowledge." An employee, wearing a trashcan over his head, says, "Did he tell you he was a consultant?" Another trashcanned employee says, "He said he was selling trash cans."