Why Don't We Format Comic Strips - Page 2

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View 11 - 20 results for why don't we format comic strips. Discover the best "Why Don't We Format" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 02, 1994's comic on:


Tags #process engineering consultant, #totally objective, #dont care, #right attitude, #flowing robe, #cherubs

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Dogbert: "You should hire me as your process reengineering consultant." "I would be totally objective about what jobs to eliminate. Frankly, I don't care about anybody at your company!" Dilbert: "You've got the right attitude." Dogbert: "I think I'll wear a flowing robe and surround myself with cherubs."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 13, 1994's comic on:


Tags #career criminlas, #jail, #sentences, #don't reduce crime, #commit crimes, #others commit crimes, #statistics

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"I oppose putting career criminals in jail for life. There's no evidence that longer sentences reduce crime." "So, your theory is that when career criminals are in jail, other people commit more crimes to keep the average up..." "Statistics don't lie, Dogbert." "Unless bad statistics went to jail - then the others WOULD like."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 05, 1994's comic on:


Tags #final design, #zebra, #fisnih on time, #canceled project, #month ago, #legal, #binder, #dont travel

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Dilbert: Here's the final design for Project 'Zebra'. I worked day and night for weeks to finish it on time. The Boss: I canceled that project a month ago, I meat to tell you. Dilbert: In some countries it would be legal to kill you with this binder, The Boss: Thats why I don't travel.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 1994's comic on:


Tags #dress codes don't apply, #fireing, #hire back, #more money, #reverence package, #telecommute, #two weeks vaction

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"Great news -- You're fired!" "You get a generous severance package, two weeks' vacation, AND we hire you back as a contractor for more money!!" "And I can telecommute if I want, but since dress codes don't apply to me..." "Aargh!" "Bonk, Bonk"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 1995's comic on:


Tags #dogbert the consultant, #nobody likes prodcuts, #ix that, #internal business units, #don't like boss

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Dogbert tells the Boss, "One way to look at your problem is that nobody likes your products." Dogbert continues, "But I don't know how to fix that. So I recommend forming internal business units to bicker with each other." The Boss asks, "Why would you recommend that?" Dogbert responds, "Well, I'd be lying if I said I liked you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #bluffing, #control, #don't, #wing, #my, #husband, #dead, #parties, #jury, #trials, #steamroller, #porsche

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The caption says, "What if people had tails? First of all, it would look darned silly." A tail protrudes from Dilbert's pants. The caption says, "Only the truly unobservant would lose at poker." Dilbert sits at a table playing poker with a man. Dilbert thinks, "He's bluffing." The man's tail wags. He thinks, "Control . . . Don't wag . . ." The caption says, "Jury trials would be simpler." A woman sits in the witness stand and says, ". . . Then I found my husband dead." The judge and a lawyer stare at her wagging tail. The caption says, "And parties would be even more awkward." Dilbert talks to a man with a bandage on his head and his arm in a sling. The man says, "That's when I learned that if you drive a Porsche, you should never make fun of a man on a steamroller." Dilbert's tail wags as he replies, "Tragic . . . Really."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 1996's comic on:


Tags #reduced service costs, #technical support, #unlisted phone number, #customer email, #freinds, #don't have freinds

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Dogbert stands on a conference table next to a laptop and an overhead projector. He says to the Boss, Alice and Wally, "I've reduced your service costs by giving the technical-support group an unlisted phone number." Dogbert continues, "And a flaw in your product disables the customer's e-mail; they can't even write to you for help!" The Boss asks, "What if they ask a friend to e-mail us?" Alice responds, "People who use our product don't have friends." Wally asks, "Really? I use it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 31, 1996's comic on:


Tags #critical code, #air traffic control, #gifted programmer, #payroll system, #dont fly, #pay day

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Wally sits at his desk and thinks, "Wally writes the critical code for our nation's new air traffic control system. The crowd is silent." Wally thinks, "Suddenly the gifted programmer employs a rarely seen strategy of 'code reuse.' The crowd goes wild." Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit a table eating lunch. Dilbert asks Wally, "So you used code from the payroll system?" Wally replies, "Here's a tip: don't fly on pay day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 29, 1996's comic on:


Tags #write about newsletter, #grand tradition, #engineering, #lowest priority, #dont despise

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Tina the Tech Writer approaches Wally and says, "Wally, I'm hoping you'll agree to write about your project for the newsletter . . ." Tina continues, "And in the grand tradition of engineering, I expect you'll give this the lowest priority, thus making me despise you." Wally says lovingly, "So . . . are you saying you don't despise me NOW?" Tina screams, "We are NOT having a moment here!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #career counselor, #expect employer, #don't expect raises, #trained pension, #sourball, #marbles, #cellophane

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Wally sits across from Dogbert's desk. Dogbert says, "You can't expect your employer to take care of you forever, Wally." Dogbert continues, "Don't expect raises, don't expect to be trained and don't expect a pension." Wally reaches for a jar on the desk and says, "That's depressing. I need a sourball." Dogbert says, "Those are marbles wrapped in cellophane."