July 2003 Comic Strips - Page 2
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Character
Friday July 11,
2003
Tags are years ago, this year, futire, free soft drinks, free coffee, bottled water
Transcript
Headline: A Few Years Ago. Catbert says, "The company will no longer provide free soft drinks." Headline: This Year. Catberrt says, "No more free coffee, and no more free bottled water." Headline: In the Future. Catbert is in a space suit. He says, "Don't swallow your saliva."
Saturday July 12,
2003
Tags email spam blocker, outgoing messages, software, worthless, sentient being, only hope, demoralize to death, calendar, engineering
Transcript
Dilbert approaches The Boss and says, "Our e-mail spam blocker is stopping all incoming and outgoing messages." Dilbert continues, "Apparently the software decided that everything we do is a bunch of worthless #$!&O." Dilbert continues, "I fear that it's becoming a sentient being. Our only hope is for you to demoralize it to death." The Boss replies, "Tell it to get on my calendar."
Sunday July 13,
2003
Tags technology strategy, not written yet, doesn't exist, duh, duh to infinity
Transcript
The Boss comes into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Dilbert, write up our technology strategy." Dilbert replies, "Okay." He pauses and then asks, "What's our strategy?" The Boss says, "How should I know? It's not written yet." He pauses and then adds, "Duh!" Dilbert turns and says, "How can I write about something that doesn't exist?" He pauses and then adds, "Duh!" The Boss replies, "It will exist, as soon as you write it." He pauses and then adds, "Duh!" The Boss and Dilbert exchange "Duhs:" The Boss says, "Duh!" Dilbert responds, "Duh!" The Boss says, "Duh!" Dilbert responds, "Duh!" The Boss says, "Duh!" Dilbert responds, "Duh!" The Boss turns to leave and says, "Just do it." The Boss thinks to himself, "Double duh." Dilbert responds, "Whatever." Dilbert thinks to himself, "Duh to infinity." Dilbert faces his computer and thinks, "If my company stock had any value, I'd be selling it right now."
Monday July 14,
2003
Tags clutter meleon, printed debris, nest, predator, power to disguise
Transcript
Headline: The Cluttermeleon Lines His Nest with Printed Debris. An employee is carrying a large stack of papers nto a cubicle already filled with stacks of paper. Headline: A Predator Comes Out of His Lair. The Boss pokes his head out of his office. Headline: The Quick-Thinking Cluttermeleon Uses His Power of Disguise. The Boss looks into the messy cubicle. The employee is hidden underneath an extra high stack of paper.
Tuesday July 15,
2003
Tags writing email, 12 page description, carpal tunnel issue, do work, self inflicted, chapter, email
Transcript
Tina is sitting at her computer. Dilbert approaches and asks, "Tina, would you...?" Tina interrupts him, "Hold on while I finish writing this e-mail." Tina says, "It's a twelve-page description of my carpal tunnel issue, and the fact that there's never enough time to do my work." Dilbert asks, "Are all of your problems self-inflicted?" Tina responds, "That's it! I'm adding a chapter about you. Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!"
Wednesday July 16,
2003
Tags business reporter, wall times post gazette, new product line, nick name for ceo
Transcript
Dilbert answers his work phone, "Hi, this is Dilbert." The voice on the other end says, "Hi, I'm a business reporter for the Wall Times Post Gazette." The reporter says, "I'm doing a story about how dumb.. I mean dynamic... your new product line is." Dilbert comes home and tells Dogbert, "Then he promised not to print the amusing nickname I have for our CEO." Dogbert responds, "You are so dynamic."
Thursday July 17,
2003
Tags engineers, said to reporter, technology is purtrid, compensate, ignore complaints, witch hunt
Transcript
The Boss is holding a newspaper and looks panicked. He says to Catbert, "Look what one of our engineers said to a reporter!" Catbert reads, "Our technology is putrid, but we compensate by ignoring complaints." The Boss asks Catbert, "You know what would be more fun than fixing those problems?" Catbert exclaims, "Witch-hunt!!!"
Friday July 18,
2003
Tags corporate witch hunt, products stink, diving rod, liar, pormise, honor of family, holy
Transcript
Headline: Corporate Witch-Hunt. The Boss asks Alice, "Alice, did you tell a reporter that our producs stink?" Alice responds, "I promise on the honor of my family, and on all that is holy, that I did not." Alice is sitting at her computer. The Boss approaches from behind with a device in his hands. He says, "So I guess you're calling my divining rod a liar."
Saturday July 19,
2003
Tags cooperate with hunt, 17 suspects, talked to reporter, email archives, phone records, linguistic patterns, punish all of them
Transcript
Headline: Corporate Witch-Hunt. Catbert is standing on The Boss' desk. The Boss says, "I've narrowed the list to seventeen suspects who might have talked to that reporter." The Boss continues, "Now we'll check their e-mail archives, phone records and linguistic patterns until we identify the offender." Catbert says, "And then we can punish all of them just for being on the list." The Boss responds, "I like the way you stink."
Sunday July 20,
2003
Tags functions to outsorce, dont do well, management, sales, quality control, core competenece, brown table startegy, business
Transcript
Dilbert points to a slide and says, "As requested, I put together a list of functions we should outsource." Dilbert continues, "I limited my list to things we don't do well." The Boss and Wally listen as Dilbert's voice continues, "Marketing, quality control, engineering, finance, human resources, and customer support." Dilbert says, "That leaves us with our core competence..." Dilbert continues, "... Sitting around a brown table." Dilbert says, "And, of course, our ability to speak honestly without fear of retribution." The Boss says, "You will never get another raise as long as I'm alive." Dilbert responds, "Well, that puts a lot of pressure on the brown table strategy."
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