November 2005 Comic Strips - Page 2
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Character
Friday November 11,
2005
Tags double fees, management consulting, outsourcing job, india, double fee
Transcript
I found a way to double my management consulting fees. "I recommend outsourcing your job to India." "I'll double your fee if you never say that again." WAG!
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Saturday November 12,
2005
Tags board meeting, outsourcing, ceo job, 26 million, elbonian ceo, good guy, consulting contract
Transcript
Board Meeting "I recommend outsourcing your CEO's job and saving the company $26 million per year." "For $4 per year you can hire an Elbonian CEO who is just as good as this guy." "Now do you understand why you should have renewed my consulting contract?"
Sunday November 13,
2005
Tags patent application, 3 emails, rude, insulting, condescending, back plane, gizmo
Transcript
"Remember to include my name on the patent application." "Why? You didn't help." "That's ridiculous! I've been helping you design that thing for months!" "I saved all three of your e-mails. Allow me to read them." "'Dude, is something wrong with your brain?'" "Later: 'Hey, Dilweed, maybe you should replace the backplane with a gizmo.'" "Then my personal favorite: 'Dilbag, I'm glad you took my advice to leave the backplane alone.'" "That's my way of helping." "It's great. You should patent it."
Monday November 14,
2005
Tags 10 million dollars, company, four people, weather website, web monitoring, business
Transcript
"Alice, this year you did the work of four people and made over $10 million for the company." "But according to our web monitoring software, you used company resources to look at a weather web site." "Thief."
Tuesday November 15,
2005
Tags what fresh hell, eyebrows grow, comb them, asleep, quiet today
Transcript
"What fresh hell is this?" "I'm letting my eyebrows grow out." "If I comb them over my eyes, no one can tell that I'm asleep." "You're quiet today."
Wednesday November 16,
2005
Tags programmers, agile programming, methods, more work, fewer people
Transcript
We need three more programmers. "Use agile programming methods." "Agile programming doesn't just mean doing more work with fewer people." "Find me some words that DO mean that and ask again."
Thursday November 17,
2005
Tags gullible world, magazine, cover story, shed pounds, yell at children, eat your way, be a better parent
Transcript
My new magazine is called 'Gullible World'. "This month's cover story is 'Shed Pounds by Yelling at Your Children'." "Next month will be 'Eat Your Way to Being a Better Parent'."
Friday November 18,
2005
Tags buy advertsising, gullible world, 2 billion readers, three readers
Transcript
Would you like to buy advertising in my new magazine called 'Gullible World'? "We have between one and two billion readers!" "Wow!" "I figured out how to make three readers sound like a lot."
Saturday November 19,
2005
Tags gullible world magazine, engineering, before and after, picture, before picture pose, sexy
Transcript
"May I take your picture for a feature story in 'Gullible World' magazine?" "It's a story about how engineering makes you sexier." "Gosh, okay." "Perfect. Now all I need is someone to pose for the 'After' picture."
Sunday November 20,
2005
Tags scarf retrun, salesman, computer, 1000 returns, compulsive, company policy, harvest organs, sell ebay, dilmom, technology
Transcript
"I'd like to return this scarf." "What's wrong with it?" "It isn't um...scarfy enough." "I'll just run your card through the computer and..." "Uh-oh...You're on our Bad Customer list. You've returned over a thousand items to this store." "In fact, you've purchased and returned this same scarf seventeen times." "Company policy says that I have to harvest your organs and sell them on eBay." "It was good while it lasted."
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