June 2005 Comic Strips - Page 2
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Character
Saturday June 11,
2005
Tags projects budget, ten percent, no thinking, picke dnumber, cutting hours worked, 36 hours, affect result
Transcript
The boss: I have to cut your project's budget by ten percent. Dilbert: "Ten percent??" dilebrt: "That's the sort of round number you would pick if you did no thinking whatsoever." The boss: "Anything can be cut by ten percent without affecting the result." Dilbert: "Cool! I'm cutting back to 36 hours per week!"
Sunday June 12,
2005
Tags tuesday off, kids tonsils, not suregon, rare blood type, donate blood, moral supprt, real winner, immoral and sick, cold on tuesday
Transcript
"I need Tuesday off because my son is having his tonsils removed." "Since when do you know how to remove tonsils?" "Um...I won't be performing the surgery myself." "Do you have a rare blood type that you need to donate?" "No. Actually, I was planning on sitting in the waiting room to give him moral support." "So your kid is immoral and sick? He sounds like a real winner." "What I mean is that I plan to have a cold on Tuesday." "Well, I can see where your kid gets it from."
Monday June 13,
2005
Tags evil director, office efficency, celebrated, done forevre, feel special
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources In order to improve office efficiency, all birthdays will be celebrated on the same day." "Do you mean one clebration per year, or just once and then we're done forever?" "Just once." "Well, at least I'll feel special once. What day is the celebration?" "Yesterday."
Tuesday June 14,
2005
Tags bill for consulting, past year, all in head, recommendation, status quo, everything right
Transcript
Dogbert: Here's my bill for the consulting work I've done for you over the past year. The Boss: "What consulting? I haven't seen any reports." Dogbert: "I did it all in my head. I don't like to waste paper." The Boss: "What's your recommendation?" Dogbert: "Status Quo. You're doing everything right."
Wednesday June 15,
2005
Tags paying for consulting, no recommendations, feel secure, shaping strategies, hate you, feel good
Transcript
"I keep paying you for consulting, but you never make any recommendations." "I'm what you call a "feel good."" "My job is to make you feel secure in the knowledge that someone brilliant is shaping your strategies." "This is weird; I hate you, but at the same time I feel good." "You're welcome."
Thursday June 16,
2005
Tags dogbert consultsincentivize the resources, grow bandwidth, end state vision, kimono, consult and blabbery, core competencies, brain dump
Transcript
Dogbert consults. Incentivize the resources to grow within their bandwidth to your end-state vision. "Don't open the Kimono until you ping the change agent for brain dump and drill down to your core competencies." "Confused look...huge invoice...this man is a victim of consult and blabbery."
Friday June 17,
2005
Tags batch of tiger meat, project, chanllenging, delight stockholders, not challenging, less motivated
Transcript
"I"m ready for a new batch of tiger meat. Grrr!" "I want a project that will challenge my abilities, bring glory to the company and delight our shareholders!" "How about this one?" "Nope. Not challenging enough. I'll give it to one of the less motivated employees."
Saturday June 18,
2005
Tags core values, integrity, value, honesty, excellence, inherent conflicts, fund na dpassionate, all of them, hygiene
Transcript
The Boss: "Our core values are service, intergrity, respect, teamwork, responsibility, trust, diversity, value, honesty, fun, passion, fairness and excellence." wally: "How should we deal with the inherent conflicts? I mean, what if I want to be irresponsible in a fun and passionate way?" The Boss: "You have to do all of them." "I notice that hygiene didn't make the list.
Sunday June 19,
2005
Tags right away, three weeks, deadline, soar with eagles, motivational poster, over weekend cell phone, sail boat
Transcript
"This needs to be done right away." "according to the date, you've had this on your desk for three weeks." "Now I'll have to work all weekend to finish it by the deadline!" "Sometimes you have to soar with the eagles." "Gaaa!! You're reading that from the motivational poster behind me!" "If I have any questions about this. Can I call you over the weekend?" "My cell phone doesn't work when I'm on my sixty foot, luxury sailboat." "Ay-yiyi-yi-yi!!!" "Hey, If you can't take the heat, get out of the...uh...kitchen."
Monday June 20,
2005
Tags bungee jump, ceo, dogcart consults, reckless adventurer, volcano, worst performer
Transcript
Dogbert Consults "Your CEO is the worst performer in the entire Fortune 500." "Your best bet is to convince him to become a reckless adventurer." "Tell me again why I'd want to bungee jump into an active volcano?" "Because you can!"
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