December 2017 Comic Strips - Page 2

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Boss Counts Cards

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Boss Counts Cards  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags gambling, gambler, card counting, blackjack, poker, cards

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Boss: I've decided to become a professional gambler on the side. Dilbert: Sounds risky. Boss: Nah. I'm teaching myself to count cards. 50...51...51...53! Nailed it again!

Dogbert The Loan Shark

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Dogbert The Loan Shark   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags loan, loan shark, money, racket, interest

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Boss: I need a loan to finance my professional gambling. Dogbert: That sounds like an excellent idea. I charge 40 percent interest per day, and I'll kill you for missing a payment. Boss: What's the catch? Dogbert: I'm also an identity thief.

Boss Hits Jackpot

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 Boss Hits Jackpot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags gambling, Win, loss, money, obliviousness, jackpot

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Boss: My side job as a professional gambler is going great. I won a $5,000 jackpot this weekend. Dilbert: How much did you lose? Boss: About $700,000 and my wife. Wally: Didn't you tell her about the $5,000?

Boss Loses Wife And Money

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Boss Loses Wife And Money  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags role model, aspiration, gambler, gambling, money, Win, Lose, success, quitter

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Boss: It's not easy being a professional gambler. I lost a million dollars and my wife in one week. But I don't want to be a quitter because I know you see me as a role model. Carol: My role model is your wife. Boss: You like quitters?

Doctor And Dopamine

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 Doctor And Dopamine - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags addiction, impulse control, social media, twitter, facebook, pharmaceuticals, drugs, gambling, technology

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Doctor: The MRI shows that your brain has been hijacked by dopamine pirates. You are now under the full control of social media corporations, gambling casinos, and big pharma. Boss: Are you writing me a prescription? Doctor: No, I'm buying stock in those companies.

Product Is Too Addictive

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Product Is Too Addictive  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags social media, technology, facebook, twitter, addiction, big business, impulse control

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Dilbert: I'm worried that we designed our product to be too addictive. Now we're more like a disease than a consumer product. Boss: Will you stop talking like that if I give you a raise? Dilbert: It's worth a try.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, accomplishment, narcissist, narcissism, review, firing, excuse

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Narrator: The Underperforming Narcissist. Boss: Topper, you've accomplished nothing this year. Topper: Are you kidding? I'm the greatest employee this world has ever seen! Boss: You have literally done nothing useful for a year. Topper: Don't be ridiculous. Everyone knows that "less is more." And I've done far less than anyone. Wally: Sorry I'm late. I thought I heard an animal trapped in my car's engine. Boss: Did you do less than Wally? Topper: Maybe we could continue this talk when he's not in the office. Wally: Any time before 11 a.m. is usually good.

Apps Trigger Zombie Apocolypse

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Apps Trigger Zombie Apocolypse   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags apps, addcitive, zombie apocalypse, interact, see and hear, own phones, zombies eat brains, share button

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Dilbert: Our apps are so addictive that we've triggered a zombie apocalypse. Our users no longer interact with the living. They can only see and hear their own phones, Boss: Do the zombies eat brains? Dilbert: Yes. we call it "share" button.

Zimbu Tests The App

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 Zimbu Tests The App - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, addiction, stimulus, animal testing, social media

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Narrator: Zimbu The Monkey. Dilbert: We need to do animal testing on our new app. Do you mind taking a look? Zimbu: I'm getting a strong dopamine hit every time I click on it. Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Dilbert: May I have it back? Zimbu: Put that hand away before I bite it off.

Animal Testing Is Done

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 Animal Testing Is Done - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags app, technology, addiction, morals, big business, ethics

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Dilbert: The animal testing for our app is done. The app is so addictive that Zimbu the monkey was hospitalized for starvation while using it. I think we all know what we need to do. Boss: Submit it to the app store?