January 2020 Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Old Strategy

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Old Strategy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, meeting, business, strategy, products, sell, fair, price, new

View Transcript

Transcript

boss in meeting: our new strategy is to make great products and sell them at a fair price. dilbert: what was our old strategy? boss: i'd rather not say.

Appearing In Photos

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Appearing In Photos - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags co-workers, technology, social media, friends, Opinion, abhor, person, characteristics, jerk

View Transcript

Transcript

tina: i can't be your friend because i saw a disturbing photo of you on social media. you were in a group photo with a person whose opinions i abhor. dilbert: can you explain why that makes me a bad person? tina: sure. duh. when you appear in photos with other people, you acquire their bad characteristics. dilbert: i don't think that's how it works. tina: that's exactly how it works! one photo with a jerk makes you a jerk! case closed! dilbert taking selfie with Tina in background: smile. tina upset: no-ooo!!!

Smarter Than An Engineer

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Smarter Than An Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, health, allergy, brain, fog, i.q., smart, engineer

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i took allergy meds last night, and now i have brain fog. my i.q. is about 50% of normal capacity. boss: whoo-hoo! i'm smarter than an engineer! dilbert: not quite. i'm only down by 50%.

Brain Fog

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Brain Fog - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags co-workers, business, health, meds, i.q., handsome, name

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i have brain fog from the meds i took last night. my i.q. is down by 50%, but i make up for it by being handsome. alice: sounds more like a 75% situation. dilbert: now, can someone remind me of my name?

Violating Rules

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Violating Rules - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, rules, business, audit, employees, company

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: our internal audit found that you violated over four hundred company rules in the past year. dilbert: i'm also the only employee who accomplished anything last year. now connect the dots. boss: so you're saying we need more rules.

Nodding Approval

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Nodding Approval - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags co-workers, nodding, positive, reinforcement, repeat, boring, relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: you have now made the same point nine times in a row while i sit here nodding. what will it take to make you stop repeating yourself? co-worker: you'll need to stop nodding in agreement. i'm addicted to positive reinforcement.

Cross Training

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cross Training - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags co-workers, business, cross train, fire, job, dumb, manager

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: our pointy-haired boss told me to ask you to cross-train me on your job junctions. ted: that sounds exactly like he plans to fire me as soon as you can do my job. dilbert: in my defense, he assured me you would be too dumb to realize that.

Poison Pill

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Poison Pill - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags co-worker, cross-train, business, relationship, training, bad, fire, poison pill, planner

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i can't shake the feeling that you are intentionally doing a bad job training me how to do your job functions. ted: i'm omitting important steps, so you'll fail hard should i get fired and you are asked to fill in. it's called a "poison pill." dilbert: you're a good planner.

Master Engineer

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Master Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, Promotion, master, senior, engineer, more, pay, platinum, optimism

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i'm promoting you to the position of "master engineer." dilbert: i'm already senior engineer. boss: now you're a master engineer. with all the rights and responsibilities that come with it. dilbert: such as...? boss: well, for example, you can do more kinds of work. dilbert: for more pay? boss: no. no. no! you're thinking of "platinum level" engineers. you're not on of those. dilbert: that comes next?! boss: optimism is not an attractive quality.

Startup Makes Drones With Guns

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Startup Makes Drones With Guns - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, danger, military, neighbor, sarcasm, technology, drones, machine guns

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: we bought a start-up that makes autonomous drones armed with machine guns. dilbert: for use by the military? boss: good idea. i hadn't thought of that. it's too dangerous for private use. dilbert: you sound just like my neighbor when he still had a gazebo.