Window Control Comic Strips - Page 20

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View 191 - 200 results for window control comic strips. Discover the best "Window Control" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quality metric, #bid proposals, #magic powers, #sarcastic, #silly, #joke, #serious, #hand paper, #muggles, #harry potter, #men in black

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The Boss says, "Your quality metric for next year is to win 30% more bid proposals." Dilbert says, "No problem. I'll use my magic powers to control how much our competitors bid." The Boss says, "I worry that you're not taking this seriously." Dilbert says, "If the muggles find out, I'll wipe their memories."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #internet, #toolbar, #browser, #download, #cubicle, #important, #technology

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The Boss says, "Whenever my browswer asks me if I want to install a toolbar, I'm afraid to say no." The Boss says, "Now my browser window is only one inch tall." The Boss says, "If you see anything important on the Internet, could you write it down for me?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #public relations, #statue of liberty, #destroy, #new york harbor, #weapon demo, #remorse, #fake, #glasses, #fake tears, #water, #flood

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Dogbert the public relations consultant Dogbert says, "The public won't forgive you until you fake some remorse." Dogbert says, "These glasses have a hose that leads to a pumping station and a huge reservoir of fake tears." CEO says, "If we have another press conference, we should crack open a window."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #book deal, #ghost writer, #dog, #publishing, #first draft, #quotes, #knife, #dying, #dead, #wave hand, #animals

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Dogbert Publishing Dogbert says, "I'm assigning a ghost writer to tighten up your first draft." Dogbert says, "Technically, he's not a ghost yet. He's just a guy who lost a knife fight." Asok says, "How long do I have to wait?" Dogbert says, "If you're in a hurry, steer him toward the window."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assignment, #job, #work, #scheme, #guessing, #cruel, #mean, #business

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The boss says, "Ted, your new responsibility is to keep the pigeons from defiling our ledges." Ted says, "Are you hoping this awful assignment will cause me to quit?" The boss says, "Not at all." Ted says, "Are you hoping I'll fall out a window?" The boss says, "Maybe you should stop guessing now,"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #complaining, #excuse, #meeting, #annoyed, #angry, #frustration, #business

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Ted the Drama queen Ted says, "I can't attend the meeting Tuesday because Barry thinks I didn't return his flash drive." Ted says, "I'm afraid of him because he's a liar and a drunk, and I heard he killed a cab driver." Ted says, "I'd wear a disguise, but prosthetic adhesives give me hives." Alice thinks, "Must...control...jack...hammer." buddabuddabudda

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blinds, #co workers, #cubilce, #screen glare, #sunlight, #vampire, #window coverings, #share office

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Dilbert: why do you keep closing the blinds? Mordac: Screen glare? GAAAA!!! Dilbert: Screen glare. Alice: don't care.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #highest paid, #tell each employee, #dont tell, #secrecy, #lies, #control

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The Boss: "Alice, you have the highest salary in the department. But don't tell anyone what it is." "Dilbert, you have the highest salary in the department. But don't tell anyone what it is." "I can't believe I never thought of that before." Catbert: "Yeah, especially since you're the highest paid manager."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employe brain monitor, #thinking, #coffee, #digestive functions, #im blind!

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Catbert: "According to our employee brain monitor, you have not been thinking about work." "All of your brain activity is in the zones that control love of coffee, digestive functions and...uh-oh." "I'M BLIND!!!" Wally: "Oh, that one."

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I'll ask the vendor for ballpark prices to see if the idea is feasible. "You can't talk with vendors until our change control board approves the project." "But that would require a cost-benefit analysis." "And I can't do that without ballpark prices from the vendor." "Just take your best guess." "So...I should make up a number so I can get approval to make a phone call and ask what the number should have been?" "Right. But first you need to get my approval to do the cost-benefit analysis." "Will you approve it?" "I'd have to see the numbers."