Catbert Comic Strips - Page 20
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655 Results for Catbert
View 191 - 200 results for Catbert comic strips. Discover the best "Catbert" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday December 02,
2001
Tags layoffs, cruel to fire friday, employee appreciation day, employee of the month, evil catbert
Transcript
Catbert is sitting on The Boss' desk. The Boss asks, "When should we do the layoffs?" Catbert responds, "Experts say that Friday is the cruelest day of the week to fire people." Catbert continues, "So let's do it Friday." The Boss responds, "Friday is our Employee Appreciation Day." Catbert gasps, "Ah-Ah Ah-Wooo!!!" The Boss is alarmed. He asks, "What was that?" Catbert responds, "You don't want to know." The Boss hands an award to an employee and says, "Congratulations on being named Employee of the Month." The Boss continues, "Now.. you know how some months are shorter than others?" Catbert gasps, "Ah-ah wooo!!"
Wednesday December 26,
2001
Tags need approval, equipment, installed
Transcript
Dilbert says to The Boss, "I need your approval for this expense. The equipment is already here and installed." Dilbert continues, "I left out the description because you wouldn't understand it anyway." The Boss says to Catbert, "There's a fine line between managing and being totally useless." Catbert responds, "Luckily it looks the same."
Wednesday January 16,
2002
Tags best, hire back, not old job, sales, train you to lie, worst, desparate, take anything, need money, job, take advantage of, business
Transcript
Catbert says to Dilbert, "We can hire you back but not at your old job." Dilbert responds, "That's okay. I'll do anything but sales. I would be the worst salesperson on Earth." Catbert says, "It's sales." Dilbert replies, "Did I just say worst when I meant best?" Catbert responds, "We'll have to train you to lie better."
Saturday February 09,
2002
Tags evil hr dircetor, marketing department, bad news, good news, non dairy creamer, five cups a day
Transcript
Headline: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert says to Dilbert and Wally, "The bad news is that I had to get rid of our marketing department." Catbert continues, "The good news is that we have tons of nondairy creamer!" Dilbert and Wally are drinking coffee. Dilbert asks, "Do you think those two things are related?" Wally replies, "If they are, I'm cutting back to five cups a day."
Wednesday March 06,
2002
Tags hostile bahavior, unacceptable body language, cold, eyebrows
Transcript
Catbert says to Tina, "Tina, we've gotten some complaints about your hostile behavior." Catbert continues, "At a recent meeting you crossed your arms. That is unacceptable body language." Tina furrows her brow and says, "Maybe I was cold." Catbert points and exclaims, "Eyebrows! Eyebrows!"
Sunday March 17,
2002
Tags open door policy, ruining happiness, complain, morale inspiring, body language, protective bubble, stressed out scowl, stop by, insincere
Transcript
The Boss tells Catbert, "My open door policy is ruining my happiness." The Boss continues, "People stop by all day long and complain." The Boss asks, "How can I maintain the morale-inspiring illusion of an open door policy without actually having one?" Catbert responds, "Use your body language to create a protective bubble of unwelcomness." Catbert clenches his teeth and makes a hostile face. He says, "Try this stressed- out scowl." Dilbert asks Carol, "Can I poke my head in?" Carol responds, "Sure. He has an open door policy." Dilbert enters to find both The Boss and Catbert with stressed-out scowls. The Boss says, "It's a pleasure to see you." Catbert says, "We value your input." Dilbert runs away exclaiming, "Ay-yi-yi-yi!!" The Boss and Catbert poke their heads around the corner, still with stressed-out scowls. The Boss says, "Stop by any time."
Monday March 25,
2002
Tags restructed, repurposed, reassigned, volunteered to quit
Transcript
The Boss says to Ted, "Ted, you have ten seconds to decide if you want to be restructured, repurposed, or reassigned." Ted exclaims, "Repurposed! No, wait.. restructured.. No, reassigned! No, repurposed!" Catbert asks The Boss, "How many people volunteered to quit and didn't know?" The Boss responds, "Two out of Three!"
Friday April 12,
2002
Tags online self assessment, survey, program, question blank, says you steal, bad advice
Transcript
Dilbert says to Catbert, "I can't complete the online self-assessment survey. It asks where I need improvement and I don't need any." Dilbert continues, "The program won't let me leave that question blank." Catbert responds, "Just check the box that says you steal." Dilbert responds, "And people will understand that I don't mean it?" Catbert grins and says, "Sure."
Saturday April 20,
2002
Tags boss booked, highest ratio, unavailabilty, usefulness, sound insulting, do math, human resources, business
Transcript
Alice asks The Boss, "How about any Tuesday this year?" The Boss replies, "No, I'm booked." Alice says, "You have the highest ratio of unavailability to usefulness I've ever seen." The Boss asks Catbert, "Does that sound like an insult?" Catbert replies, "If I could do math I wouldn't be working in human resources."
Friday May 03,
2002
Tags alice performance, needs supervision, protest, evil, purr
Transcript
Catbert says to The Boss, "Write on Alice's performance review, 'Needs too much supervision.'" Catbert continues, "When she goes to your office to protest, say, 'See what I mean?'" Catbert finishes, "Ooh! That was so evil I need to purr with my lips!" He spits all over the boss while purring, "P-p-p-urr.. p-p-p-urrr.. p-p-p-p-urr."


