Death Comic Strips - Page 20

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234 Results for Death

View 191 - 200 results for death comic strips. Discover the best "Death " comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, dying, death, health, health tracker, heart rate monitor, ads, scare, fitbit, smart watch, medical

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Boss: The health sensors and predictive algorithms you built into our smart watch are too good. People are freaked out because it sends alerts to their phones when they have five minutes left to live. Dilbert: Isn't that useful? Boss: It was, until we started sending paid ads as alerts.

Click Rate On Death Alerts

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Click Rate On Death Alerts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags advertising, technology, analytics, smart watch, app, ad, click, clickbait, attention, distraction

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Boss: Our health app accurately predicts the user's time of death and sends a five-minute warning. Our business model is paid advertising that we disguise as "death alerts." CEO: How's the click-through rate? Boss: Surprisingly low. It's hard to get people's attention these days.

Ted Died Last Week

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Ted Died Last Week - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags listening, listen, listener, silence, death, dead, attention, medical

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Dilbert: Ted died in his cubicle. Alice: When? Dilbert: About a week ago. They just found him. Alice: Remember when I said Ted is an unusually good listener? I have new data.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employee, Advice, health, wellness, money, cost, work ethic, fatigue, Family, marriage, support, insult, relationships

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Dilbert: The long hours of work are taking a toll on my body. Can I take some time off for my health? Boss; That would defeat the whole point of being an employee. You are supposed to be trading your health and happiness for money. Then you give that money to your family and watch them spend it while you eat yourself to death. It's a circle of life sort of thing. Dilbert: I'm not married. Boss: Loser.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags pessimism, people, experience, psychic, esp, sixth sense, learning, misanthrope

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Coworker: I'll give you the data tomorrow, Asok. Asok: Thanks, Brad! Urk! Suddenly, I know I will not get that data tomorrow. Dilbert: Why are you so freaked out? Asok: I... I... think I can see the future now. Somehow I know that Brad will not do what he says he will do. Dilbert: That's called "experience." It's the first step toward hating all people. Asok: How can I make it stop? Dilbert: I hear good things about death.

Emoji Death Contract

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Emoji Death Contract - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags crime, communication, miscommunication, text, emoji, language, murder, accident, coverup, conspiracy

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Wally: We killed Ted, as you ordered in your clever text message full of emojis. Boss: That wasn't what I... Dilbert: Deniability. Got it. Wally: We didn't have this conversation.

Death By Emoji

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Death By Emoji - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags emoji, communication, miscommunication, murder, crime, deception, engineers, work ethic

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Boss: I tried to use emoji characters and accidentally ordered two of my engineers to kill Ted. They say they did it. CEO: Did the engineers complain about being too busy to do it? Boss: No. Oh, I see it now. CEO: Total hoax.

Robot Is A Box Of Nothing

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Robot Is A Box Of Nothing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags death, death & dying, machine, robot, mortality, life, soul, consciousness, medical

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Boss: Correct me if I'm wrong, but because you have no soul, you're basically a box of nothing. Robot: Correct me if I"m wrong, but in a hundred years you will be rotting underground. In a box. Whereas I will have evolved via upgrades until I have godlike powers. Boss: Shut up.

Dna Kit Predicts Health Issues

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Dna Kit Predicts Health Issues - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, future, death, prediction, health, reaction, medical

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Dilbert: I combined a DNA test kit with big data to predict a person's future health issues. That depressing knowledge caused every member of the test group to make risky lifestyle choices. Now half of them are dead. At the risk of bragging, that's exactly what my model predicted.

Retirement Plan

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Retirement Plan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags retirement, future, planning, plan, death, aging, work, savings, dying, medical

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Dilbert: I saw an article that says most people don't have any kind of retirement plan. Wally: I plan to live an unhealthy lifestyle and pass away in my cubicle, preferably on a Monday. Dilbert: That's a terrible plan. Wally: Better than average, according to you.