Help Comic Strips - Page 20
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Character
424 Results for Help
View 191 - 200 results for help comic strips. Discover the best "Help" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday June 04,
2004
Tags decions, dark demon, ineffective management, help deciosn, requested smitting
Transcript
"Uh-oh, someone wants me to make a decision." "I summon the dark demon of ineffective management to smite the person who wants this decision!!!" "Maybe I could help you make the decision." "I requested smiting."
Monday July 12,
2004
Tags no written objectives, free to help, personal philosophy
Transcript
wally: I'm cruising into my fifth month with no written objectives. some philosophers would say that having no objectives means Im free to help any team that asks. Wally: My personal philosophy is more along the lines of hiding.
Sunday July 18,
2004
Tags berating, humilation, importance of work, making sound rate products, motivate staff, no prasie, no raises, threats belittling, trophy wives
Transcript
The boss; I need help motivating the staff. Catbert: what have you already tried? The Boss: Threats, belittling, humiliation, empty promises, berating, slogans , posters and bullying. Catbert: hmmm...we can't praise them or they'd as for raises. Catbert: Maybe they can be motivated by the importance of their work. The boss: their work is making second rate products to sell to idiots so our executives can afford trophy wives. Catbert: have you tried yelling until your face turns purple? The boss> make three copies, please!!!! Carol: This is new.
Thursday September 02,
2004
Tags need name, company, disguise, treachery, catchy, krap2idiots, business
Transcript
Dogbert: "I need a name for my company, then I can film the infomercial." Dilbert: "I assume you want a name that will help disguise your treachery." "Not so much." TV: "And now a word from the CEO of Krap2idiots." Dilbert: "Catchy." "Shhh..."
Wednesday September 15,
2004
Tags five projects, deliverables, motivational email, slacker, coffee cup
Transcript
Wally: Is it okay if I take on five new projects and ten deliverables? The Boss: um....okay. My motivational email messages are working, Alice: Can you help... Wally: whoa! don't know how many projects I have?
Friday October 15,
2004
Tags new voice presdient, right and wrong, customers project, hate the most, charge for time
Transcript
The Boss: "Our new vice president of ethics will help you decide what's right and wrong." Wally: "When we talk to him, what customer's project should we charge for our time?" The Boss: "Whichever one we hate the most."
Thursday November 04,
2004
Tags bottle neck bill, do his job, miscellaneous
Transcript
Dilbert: "I need your help forcing Bottleneck Bill to do his job so I can do my job." "I'll be all over that... as soon as I finish other things." "What other things?" "Well, for example, miscellaneous."
Sunday November 28,
2004
Tags pointy haired boss, problem, project, upgrade denied, stupid resolution, extra disc space, conscioussness
Transcript
"When our pointy-haired boss asks you about your project, what should you say?" "I would inform him about any problems." "Big mistake. If he hears that you have a problem, he might try to help." "How can help be bad?" "Asok, how's your project?" "Good, but I need to upgrade my disk drive to store all of the image data." "Forget that. Just e-mail peices of the database to employees who have extra disc space." "Please pull on this until I lose consciousness."
Monday January 10,
2005
Tags create software, small investors, pick stocks, past trends, hubris, ignorance, testimonials
Transcript
Dogbert: I'm creating software that will help small investors pick stocks. "It combines past trends that are not indicative of the future with the user's hubris and ignorance." "Now all I need are testimonials from people whose results are not typical!" Dilbert: "So it works?"
Thursday March 03,
2005
Tags landing, hard landing, no oparachute, mud, elbonia, glasses, suitcase, jumped, plane
Transcript
Wally: I hate landing in Elbonia. "Whump!!!" wally: "Hi. I'm from America and I'm hree to help."

