Helping Customer Comic Strips - Page 20
239 Results for Helping Customer
View 191 - 200 results for helping customer comic strips. Discover the best "Helping Customer" comics from Dilbert.com.
Boss: Stop telling Tina how to do her job. You're not her boss. Dilbert: I was just helping out because her boss has his priorities all backward. Boss: She reports to me. Dilbert: I'll email your boss some suggestions for fixing you.
Dogbert's retirement planning service Dogbert: Your only hope for survival is if a nearsighted billionaire offers to hunt you on his private island. Customer: Does that job pay well? Dogbert: It's more of a foraging situation. Customer: Must... adjust... expectations... down.
Dogbert: I've decided to become a venture capitalist. I'll take money from the rich and give it to hopelessly doomed social media start-ups. Dilbert: Because you love helping entrepreneurs? Dogbert: Because I hate rich people who aren't me.
Dilbert: Before we start, can I offer you a cup of water from our restroom sink? We can't afford bottled water. Customer: Okay, sure. I'll have a cup of sink water. Dilbert: That brings us to the awkward part: did you happen to bring a cup?
Customer: I'd like to do business with your company, but I'm concerned that the only beverage you can afford to offer me is water from the restroom sink... and I need to bring my own cup. Dilbert: I also offered to fill the sink and let you lap it out. Customer: And now I'm thirsty!
Boss: Take a company car and meet a customer at our data center on Montgomery and Pine. Dilbert: I can't drive to an unfamiliar place with Alice. She'll spend the entire trip arguing with the GPS navigation system. Boss: No one does that. Dilbert: Allow me to demonstrate. My phone says we should take this route. Alice: What?! Is it crazy? We are not taking 880! Change your mind! Change your mind! Change your mind! Dilbert: It gets worse. Alice: If you listen to this liar, I will end you.
Coworker: Emergency! I can't find my phone and I"m late for a customer meeting. Dilbert: Maybe it's with your company I.D. badge that you had to drive all the way home for this morning. Alice: It might be with your keys that you lost after lunch. Dilbert: Maybe it's under that critical folder that you couldn't find before your last meeting. Alice: Maybe it's wherever you created your last self-generated crisis. Coworker: I just remembered I put my phone in my purse because the battery is dead. Has anyone seen a small, brown purse?
CEO: Our machine learning technology allows us to track customer preferences and use that knowledge to manipulate them. Dilbert: That seems like the step that happens right before the machines take over the earth and annihilate all humans. CEO: There's always one person in every crowd who says that. Dilbert: Not for much longer, apparently.
Boss: Wally, I'd like you to meet the CEO of the company that is our biggest customer. Wally: I'd shake but I have coffee in one hand, my random drug test sample in the other, and I don't want either one to get cold. Hey, I'm not the one who made this awkward.
Customer Meeting CEO: The secret of our company's success is that we hire good people. Dilbert: What? Are you saying I'm good? I've never heard a compliment at work. What is that feeling inside me? Is it the thing called self-esteem? Customer: Awkward. CEO: Just ignore him. Dilbert: Behold my goodness!