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Headline: The CEO Visit. The CEO says to The Boss, "Thanks for the presentation. Your department seems bloated." The CEO continues, "I'll eliminate half of your group in the next budget meeting." The Boss replies, "Thank you." Dilbert asks The Boss, "What are you going to do?" The Boss replies, "Nothing. I told him we're the marketing department."
Dilbert is dressed in all purple, carrying a rope over his shoulder. He says to Dogbert, "Would you like to join me on a daring commando raid?" Dogbert replies, "Sure." Dilbert says, "Do you want to know why?" Dogbert responds, "Not really." Dilbert, Dogbert, and Bob the Dinosaur all have purple masks on. Dilbert says, "My internet provider won't let me cancel by phone or by e-mail." Dilbert continues, "The service agreement says I have to stage a daring commando raid on their headquarters." Bob asks, "Does this mask make me look fat?" Dogbert zaps Bob with a stun gun and says, "That joke is overused Bob." Bob falls over. Dogbert says to Dilbert, "The stun gun is in good working order." Dilbert and Dogbert are walking outside. Dilbert says, "Maybe I should carry the stun gun." Dogbert responds, "Don't worry, I'll do you last."
Dilbert is carrying a box. He says to Alice, "I'm moving into a vacant private office. I got the last one." Dilbert continues, "I hope this doesn't cause ill-will in the cubicle-bound co- workers I'm leaving behind." Alice furrows her brow. Dilbert continues, "All I ask is that when you enter Diltopia, you bow in reverence and take off your shoes." Alice clenches her teeth in anger.
The Boss addresses a meeting, "Does anyone have any ideas for boosting morale?" Wally raises his hand, "Oooh! Oooh! Oooh!" Wally says, "The employee potluck lunch that we had last year was almost perfect." Wally continues, "But we only had it once and some people had schedule conflicts." Wally continues, "I call my idea the 'Permanent Virtual Individual Employee Potluck' or P.V.I.E.P for short." Wally continues, "Every day, each employee brings a small meal in a bag and eats it whenever he gets hungry." The Boss says, "You already do that. " Wally replies, "And look how happy I am!" The Boss says, "Okay, who is going to organize the P.V.I.E.P.?" Wally responds, "Alice hasn't helped yet." Alice cringes in anger.
Alice says to The Boss, "You made a fortune selling your stock options last month and now we're bankrupt." Alice continues, "My 401l is worthless. So, in effect, you've stolen my life savings." Alice yells, "This would be a bad time to make quote marks in the air while saying, 'in effect.'" The Boss has his hands raised to make quote marks. He stops and says, "Ooh."
The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "I found or five-year plan from five years ago." The Boss continues, "The last page says, "At the end of the fifth year, the entire management team will be..." The Boss continues to read, "... investigated for accounting irregularities." Wally looks at the secret service agent who has just entered and says, "Spooky."
The Boss addresses a meeting, "Welcome to my quarterly employee feedback meeting." The Boss continues, "Who wants to get the ball rolling?" Asok raises his hand. Asok says, "It would be helpful if you told us our company's long term strategy." The Boss responds, "Oh, would it?" The Boss continues, "Why? So you can leak it to our competitors?" The Boss stands and yells, "Here's your stupid suggestion in my hand! I'm crushing it! Crush, crush, crush!!!!" The Boss pretends to stuff something in his mouth and yells, "Now I'll chew it up so I can spit it in your cubicle-dwelling face!!!" As they're walking out, Wally says to Asok, "You fell for that trap last quarter too." Asok replies, "An optimist's life is never easy."
The Boss says to Dilbert and Alice, "Our survey of customer satisfaction shows improvement." The Boss continues, "The focus group spontaneously attacked our researchers using number two pencils as shivs." Dilbert asks, "That's an improvement?" The Boss responds, "Last year the attack was premeditated."
Dilbert and his mom are in the kitchen. Dilbert's mom is cooking dinner. She says, "Norma's son finished three projects last year. You only did one." Dilbert's mom continues, "His cubicle is a double-wide. And his CEO once said hi to him in the elevator." Dilbert's mom concludes, "Thanks to you, my 'scrabble' night is a living hell." Dilbert asks, "Do you still use counterfeit vowels?"
Asok and Wally are at the coffee machine. Wally says to Asok, "In school, I was always the last kid picked to be on a team." Alice enters and says, "I need two people right now. I'll take Asok and.. I'll keep looking." Asok asks Wally, "So it's like a super power?" Wally replies, "Pretty much."