Little Frauf Comic Strips - Page 20
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Dilbert stands next to a table covered with a tablecloth. A computer monitor sits on the table. Dilbert says, "We had to cut some corners to get the demo ready this soon." Wally's head pops up into the monitor. Dilbert explains, "Wally is under the table. He'll pretend to be the 3-D interface that we could build if we weren't doing useless demos." The Boss says, "He's a little fuzzy. Can you adjust it?" Dilbert hands him an electric shaver and says, "Try the electric shaver."
Alice stands at a vending machine. Wally points to a beeper on his hip and says to Alice, "I got myself a little work-avoidance device." Wally continues, "If I want to leave a meeting early, I just look down and say 'uh-oh' and scurry away." Alice asks, "What's the pager number in case I need you?" Wally says, "You're not quite grasping the concept here, Alice."
Dogbert, the Boss, Alice and Dilbert sit at a conference table. Dogbert stands on the table, holds up a piece of paper and says, "Your new logo might look like a simple coffee stain, but what does the image say about you?" Dilbert asks, "We're sloppy and unimaginative?" Alice asks, "We give lots of money to consultants and get little in return?" Dogbert looks at the logo and says, "Wow. This is almost TOO good." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Ooh ooh! How about 'Our opinions don't matter?'"
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss says, "Let's have a little premeeting to prepare for the meeting tomorrow." Dilbert says, "Whoa! Do you think it's safe to jump right into the premeeting without planning it?" The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Okay, let's get this preliminary premeeting meeting going." Wally says to Dilbert, "You think you're funny, but you're not."
Dilbert stands by the door putting his coat on. He asks, "Dogbert, do you think love is the strongest force in the universe?" Dogbert replies as they walk down the front steps, "No, I'd have to go with stupidity." They walk outdoors. Dogbert continues, "Followed closely by it's cousin ignorance." Dilbert lifts Dogbert onto a fence. Dogbert continues, "Morning breath is number three. Thanks for reminding me." Dogbert continues, "Then you've got selfishness, lust, fear, money and luck." Dilbert asks, "But love is in the top ten, right?" Dogbert replies, "It's fourteenth, right after foolish optimism." Dilbert says, "Someone needs his little round back scratched." Dogbert says, "Do not." Dilbert scratches Dogbert's back and asks, "Where's love now?" Dogbert says, "It'd down and to the left . . . LEFT!! LEFT!! LEFT!! Oowahh . . ."
The Boss, Alice and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "You employees are the key to our economic success." The Boss explains, "Anytime we need a little stock-price boost, we just fire another batch of you. It's like printing money!" The Boss holds up a chart and says, "In fact, 'incompetence' has become our most profitable product." Alice says, "Wow. It beat out 'lying to customers.'"
Dilbert stands in line at a cash register. He thinks, "Mmm . . . Soon you will be mine, little chocolate bar." The customer ahead of him says, "I think I have exact change." Dilbert smells the candy bar and thinks, "I can smell it through the wrapper." The woman reaches into her purse and says, "Here's a nickel." Dilbert thinks, "I rub it on my arm to get the total body experience." The woman looks into her pocketbook and says, "No, that's a breath mint." Dilbert holds the candy bar over his head and thinks, "I am transported to another dimension." The woman says, "Ooh, a roll of pennies . . . No, lipstick." Dilbert looks at the woman as she says, "I'll give you a check. Where's that checkbook?" Dilbert snatches the woman's purse. Dilbert stomps on the purse while the woman watches. Dilbert stands in front of the counter and says, "What a funny day to forget my wallet." The woman clenches her teeth and looks angry.
The Boss enters a row of cubicles and thinks, "The powerful leader enters Cubeville to inspire the wretched underlings." The Boss peers into Dilbert's cubicle and thinks, "He spots one of the little people in desperate need of a morale boost." The Boss thinks, "The leader carefully assesses the situation. Every solution is unique." The Boss says, "Try identifying the problem and then solving it." The Boss thinks, "The leader waits while the brilliance of his contribution sinks in." Dilbert says, "That's a much better idea than what I was doing." Dilbert continues sarcastically, "I've been sitting here all day randomly pressing keys, but you've shown me a better way!" The Boss thinks, "Suddenly the leader remembers why he rarely visits Cubeville." Dilbert says, "My morale is soaring."
Ratbert leans on Wally's monitor and says, "As a consultant, I earn $150 per hour even when I'm unproductive." Ratbert continues, "I can earn 42 cents by wiggling my furry little behind for ten seconds." Ratbert shouts, "C'mon, count with me!!!" Wally tells Dilbert, "When I imagine my ideal career, it's never like this."
Asok, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Asok says, "I'd like to start the meeting with a whiny, unanswerable question." Asok shouts, "Why can't anyone make a decision around here?!" Alice says, "That was good." Dilbert pats Asok on the back and sniff emotionally. He says, "My little intern is all grown up."