Replace Myself Comic Strips - Page 20

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

261 Results for Replace Myself

View 191 - 200 results for replace myself comic strips. Discover the best "Replace Myself" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #thinking, #wounds & injuries, #black eye, #blanket, #billon dollar, #tech decsions

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: How'd you bet the black eye? Boss: I was pulling up my blanket in bed. My hand slipped and I punched myself in the face. Dilbert: Okay, let's make some billion-dollar technology decisions.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #embarrassment, #internet & world wide web, #interviews, #resume, #old way, #job interview, #data online data, #ew, #disgust, #walked out

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I don't need to see your resume. That's the old way of hiring. Now we use data from the Internet to see what you've been up to lately. Ew. Applicant: I'll show myself out. Boss: You'll understand if I don't shake your hand.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #internet & world wide web, #surveillance, #government databases, #rest passwords, #case file, #face on pennies

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I thought you were on the run for hacking the government's databases. Dilbert: I was. But they forgot to reset their passwords, so I deleted my case file and gave myself a tax break. Wally: Did you get me anything? Dilbert: You're the new face on pennies.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #managers & supervisors, #innovate, #google, #apple, #3m, #smart people, #fire yourselves, #business, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Today I'll teach you how to innovate the way Apple, Google, and 3M do it. Replace all of your dimwitted employees with smart people... then fire yourselves. The rest is just blah, blah, blah. Boss: Should we be taking notes?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #embarras myself, #emotional meltdown, #panicked, #public speaking, #substance abuse, #worry

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm panicked about my presentation tomorrow. Wally: Relax. What's the worst that could happen? Dilbert: Well, I could embarrass myself in a career-ending way. Wally: Oh. I didn't think about that one. It might be so bad that you can't even get a recommendation for a future job. Then you'd have an emotional meltdown followed by substance abuse, untreated health issues, and a lonely death. And it could all happen because of something as trivial as a typo on one of your slides. I guess I can add "comforting" to my list of things I'm no good at.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gratitude, #managers & supervisors, #work ethic, #great leadership, #project, #useful things, #good work, #greedy, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'd like to thank myself for my great leadership on the project. Some of you did useful things, too, but only because I threatened to fire you if you didn't. So don't let it go to your heads. Catbert: I hope you didn't tell them they did good work. Boss: No, that makes them greedy.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #language, #leader, #steve jobs, #rinse with vinegar, #remove mold, #dot touch

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I see myself as a leader in the mold of Steve Jobs. Alice: Try rinsing your entire body with vinegar. That might remove his mold. Boss: Are we talking about the same thing? Alice: Please don't touch anything I own.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fraternization, #honesty, #weekend, #blanket, #couch, #bad tv, #gym sock with hallitosis, #smell

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: How was your weekend? Alice: I wrapped myself in a blanket and stayed on the couch watching bad TV shows until I smelled like a gym sock with halitosis. Wally: I like how she makes me feel.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #inventions, #automate, #drone, #send drone, #designed, #hydrogen, #wool sweater, #humanity

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I found a way to automate the hardest part of my job. I used to do a log of "management by walking around." It was exhausting. Now I just send my drone. I designed it myself and had it built in Elbonia. The hydrogen makes it lighter than air. Dilbert: Hydrogen? Boss: Let's see what Ted is up to. He's wearing a wool sweater today. Ted: Oh, the humanity! Boss: Hold this.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #optimism, #positive influences, #bad energy

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Experts say I should surround myself with people who are positive influences. Alice: I'M ON A CALL! Asok: I think I absorbed some bad energy. Wally: Go away before you bum me out.