Signed Months Ago Comic Strips - Page 20

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

233 Results for Signed Months Ago

View 191 - 200 results for signed months ago comic strips. Discover the best "Signed Months Ago" comics from Dilbert.com.

We Will Never Forget Ted

Thank you for voting.
We Will Never Forget Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 2014's comic on:


Tags #coworker, #coworkers, #death, #tributes, #morning, #beloved collegue, #never forget, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We mourn the untimely passing of our beloved colleague, Fred. We will never forget him. Dilbert: It was Ted, not Fred. Boss: Was he beloved? Wally: I don't remember. It was like a week ago.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 2014's comic on:


Tags #criticism, #frankness, #goals, #honesty, #managers, #root cause, #bad parenting, #pointy headed boos, #underlings, #rapidly evolving nature, #talented employee, #boss life story

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You haven't achieved any of your goals for the year. What is up with that? Dilbert: Do you want an explanation that goes back to the root cause? Boss: Of course. Dilbert: The problem started years ago, when two idiots unwisely created a third smaller idiot. They compounded their mistake with bad parenting. The toddler ate candy and sniffed wet paint until he became a pointy-headed boss. The pointy-headed boss set goals for his underlings that ignored the rapidly evolving nature of the industry. Then he got angry at his most talented employee for giving an accurate answer to a question. Boss: I hate you. Dilbert: Nothing could halt the downward spiral.

Launch Beta In Two Months

Thank you for voting.
Launch Beta In Two Months - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 2014's comic on:


Tags #credibility, #lying, #truth, #beta version, #laughing, #problem

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: And I plan to launch the beta version in two months. Group: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Dilbert: I have a credibility problem. Dogbert: And I should believe that?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2014's comic on:


Tags #chakras, #compatibility, #dancing, #dating, #yoga, #risk, #guzzle wine, #live music, #chakra energy, #hives, #hate dance, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: I like dancing and... Dilbert: I'm out. I avoid any relationship that has a risk of dancing. Woman: You're rejecting me because I like to dance? Dilbert: Yeah, it would start out all innocent... but two months into it you'd be guzzling wine and dragging me toward live music. Then you'd start doing all this... and this... and some of this... Woman: I also enjoy doing yoga to release my chakra energy. Does that bother you? Dilbert: I think I'm getting hives.

Love Me For My Mind

Thank you for voting.
Love Me For My Mind - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 09, 2015's comic on:


Tags #dating, #love, #priorities, #relationships, #vanilla scented lotion, #mind

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: I want a guy who loves me for me, and not for the way I look... or the things I do. Dilbert: That doesn't leave me much to work with. Can I love you for your money and your vanilla-scented body lotion? Woman: You could love me for my mind. Dilbert: That might have worked two minutes ago.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 2015's comic on:


Tags #deadlines, #deadline, #management, #time management, #projects, #distraction, #multitasking

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: When do you think you can get that done for me? Dilbert: Depends. If I had no interruptions, I could finish in four hours. But we have to factor in the inefficiency of your management. For example, you're likely to give me six new projects before I get started on this one. And you force me to work in ta noisy office surrounded by all the people I need to avoid to get work done. Given all of that, I'd say it will take seven months. Boss: I'll give you three months because I'm a leader. Dilbert: Oookay. And... how much of the three months will involve you standing there?

Ted Died Last Week

Thank you for voting.
Ted Died Last Week - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 05, 2015's comic on:


Tags #listening, #listen, #listener, #silence, #death, #dead, #attention, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Ted died in his cubicle. Alice: When? Dilbert: About a week ago. They just found him. Alice: Remember when I said Ted is an unusually good listener? I have new data.

Dilbert And The Prison Gang

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert And The Prison Gang - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 2015's comic on:


Tags #prison, #lawyer, #attorney, #Advice, #plead, #trial, #crime, #murder, #technicality, #guilt, #legal

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Your brain stimulator invention turned you into a murderer. I will argue that you can't get a fail trial by jury of your peers because all of the people like you are already in jail for doing their own stupid stuff. And I signed you up for a prison gang. All you need to do is skin a snitch.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 2015's comic on:


Tags #martial arts, #yoga, #stupid, #idiot, #confusion, #tai chi, #karate, #misunderstanding

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I signed up for a martial arts class. It's something called "yoga." Carol: Have you killed anyone yet? Boss: Not on purpose.

Forgetting Meetings

Thank you for voting.
Forgetting Meetings - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 01, 2016's comic on:


Tags #appointment, #absent mindedness, #forgetting, #therapy, #irony, #psychology, #psychiatry

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Do you ever have anxiety because you feel like you're supposed to be in a meeting that you forgot? Alice: You should see a doctor about that. Dilbert: I already made... uh-oh. Alice: Was the appointment for today? Dilbert: An hour ago.