Stock Market Comic Strips - Page 20
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266 Results for Stock Market
View 191 - 200 results for stock market comic strips. Discover the best "Stock Market" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday August 27,
2010
Tags skill assessment, lazy, bad worker, morning person, sleepy, afternoon, sell stock, stand on chair
Transcript
Wally says, "I get sleepy in the afternoon. And I'm not a morning person." Wally says, "I'm at my best for about an hour in between, which explains why I'm an exceptionally good lunch eater." The Boss says, "How's the workforce skills assessment going?" Catbert says, "I just sold all of my company stock."
Saturday September 11,
2010
Tags frankenstein, human resources, focus group, scared, angry, fire marshal, economy, job market, business
Transcript
Catbert says, "We need someone to run focus groups about our existing products." Frankenstein says, "What is a focus group?" Catbert says, "In our case, it's like mob of angry villagers armed with sharp pens." Catbert says, "And you'd also be the fire marshal for the floor. Are you in?" Catbert says, "Yeah. It's a tough job market."
Wednesday November 24,
2010
Tags computer, headset, marketing research, social security number, bank pin, maiden name, poverty, identity theft, technology
Transcript
Dogbert says, "Hello, this is the Dogbert Market Research Company. May I ask you some totally harmless questions?" Dogbert says, "What is your social security number, bank pin number and mother's maiden name?" Dilbert says, "What exactly are you researching?" Dogbert says, "Poverty rates. I'm shooting for 100%."
Sunday February 06,
2011
Tags annoying music, buying deciosn, clutter design, cubicle, eacape, images, look ugly, ne wpordcut, no information, portfolio, stock holders, website, work till death, technology
Transcript
The Boss: Dilbert, work with Gustav to get our new product explained on our website. Gustav: Heres what I have so far. Dilbert: Its awful. Gustav: excuse me? Dilbert: there no information. Its all images and annoying music. Dilbert: People make buying decisions based on what they read. This gives them nothing, Gustav: If I clutter the design with useful information, it will look ugly ad I won't be able to use it in my portfolio. I need that portfolio to get a job at a better company, Please help me escape. Gustav: You'll probably work here until you die in your cubicle no matter what the website looks like. The Boss: Did you help Gustav? Dilbert: yes, But it wasn't a good day for our stock holders.
Thursday June 02,
2011
Tags absurdly complicated, financial model, absenteeism, error, excel sheet, stock holders, poison cafeteria
Transcript
CEO: according to your absurdly complicated finical model, we can double revenue by increasing absenteeism. To be fair, there might be an error or two in the excel spreadsheet. CEO: Maybe , but I think I owe it to our stockholders to poison the cafeteria just to be sure,
Friday August 12,
2011
Tags business ethics, stock market, hedge fund, million dollars, insider trading, algorithm, winning trades, create algorithm, eat fiber, money
Transcript
Dogbert: I'll pay you a million dollars a year to work at my hedge fund. I'll do the insider trading and you pretend you created an algorithm that makes winning trades. Dilbert: What if I actually create the algorithm? Dogbert: Sure, and maybe you can eat fiber and make gold, too.
Tuesday September 20,
2011
Tags commerce, joking, market share, increase market share, good sense of humor
Transcript
CEO: Our strategy is to increase market share. Dilbert: I'm confused. I spent all last year trying to decrease our market share. Was that effort wasted? Don't worry. Wally told me he has a good sense of humor. Wally: I'm not reliable.
Saturday October 01,
2011
Tags saving & investment, stock market, mba, losing money, money in gold, shiny portfolio, money
Transcript
CEO: I have an MBA and yet I keep losing money in the stock market. How can this be? Boss: I put all of my money in gold because it's shiny. My portfolio doubled last year. I'm thinking of getting an MBA. How long does it take? A week?
Friday January 13,
2012
Tags business failures/bankruptcies, saving & investment, raises, debt crisis, economic uncertainty, board of directors, stock options, money
Transcript
Boss: I can't give you a raise because the Elbonian debt crisis has created economic uncertainty. Luckily for us, our board of directors granted our CEO more stock options so he won't leave during uncertain times. Dilbert: What happens when the uncertainty ends? Boss: Then he'll exercise stock options.
Wednesday January 18,
2012
Tags clubs, meetings, rich people, tiny flying unicron, commodities, 1% club, imagination, Entertainment
Transcript
Wally: A tiny flying unicorn gave me this key. Guard: Grab a snout and a hat. We're just about to manipulate the commodities market. Wally: Is it my imagination or everything a little bit better here?


