Two Hands Comic Strips - Page 20
985 Results for Two Hands
View 191 - 200 results for two hands comic strips. Discover the best "Two Hands" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share September 11, 1994's comic on:
"Copy Room" "Stop right there!" "It's Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light." "What's in your hands?" "I'm just borrowing some paper for the laser printer. There's no law against that!" "I think we both know that the copier paper and the printer paper are purchased and tracked separately." "You've made a mockery of the system! I darn you to heck!" "Your punishment is to sit at the secretary's cubicle and endure the stale wit of your co-workers." "Hey, Wendy, there's something different about you today!"
Share September 18, 1994's comic on:
"Remember, it's not a pyramid scam, it's a marketing breakthrough!" "The beauty of it is a new recruit is born every minute." "Are we guaranteed to become amazingly wealthy?" "While being our own boss?" "Yes, unless you're lazy or ethical." "Each person you recruit pays you one thousand dollars. The recruits get their own recruits and charge them TWO thousand, and so on." "Eventually, every person on Earth will be giving you money. And that adds up." "You can't argue with the math." "I feel like we're a big family." "The best part is that every person on Earth will get rich!" "Actually, the last recruit kinda gets it in the shorts."
Share October 08, 1994's comic on:
The Boss: Two people in a focus group loved our product. So we're doubling our production. Dilbert: The opinions of two people are not statically useful. ...especially if you're one of the two people. The boss: I knew those free sandwiches were too good to be true.
Share October 10, 1994's comic on:
Ted: I predict sales to be nothing for two years and then take a sudden surge. Dilbert: Why? Ted: The surge was added so I could get the business case approved. The two -year lag gives me time to get promoted. Dilbert: What about accountability? Dilbert: thats where you come in.
Share October 13, 1994's comic on:
Dogbert the futurist Dogebert: Society will become divided into technology "haves" and "have nots" Eventually the two groups will take different evolutionary paths. Then, as now, the "have nots" will be policy makers. Caveman: Oog mission statement
Share October 16, 1994's comic on:
The Boss: "I just had my annual meeting with our Vice President." "We decided to combine your project with Project 'Bigfoot' because they're basically the same." Dilbert: "They're not the same! It only seems like it to you because you don't understand either project!" "Oh, well. It's too late to do anything. I told him they were the same." Dilbert: "Just call him and say you were wrong." The Boss: "I can see why you're not in management." "The logical solution is to wait for the next budget cut and eliminate your project, thus solving two problems." Dilbert: "There's nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot."
Share October 20, 1994's comic on:
"Great news -- You're fired!" "You get a generous severance package, two weeks' vacation, AND we hire you back as a contractor for more money!!" "And I can telecommute if I want, but since dress codes don't apply to me..." "Aargh!" "Bonk, Bonk"
Share November 06, 1994's comic on:
The Boss stands at Dilbert's desk and says, "I got your project approved by our president!" The Boss continues, "But he gave your budget to another project." The Boss continues, "It's pretty much doomed from the get-go." The Boss continues, "But I hyped it up at the executive meeting so somebody else will try to take it over." A woman pushes them aside and says, "Step aside, fools! This project belongs to marketing now!" As the woman walks away, the Boss says, "Oh, please don't take our project." Dilbert and the Boss slap hands. Dilbert says, "Yes!" Dilbert asks, "Do you ever worry that you're finding joy in the wrong places?" The Boss replies, "Nope."
Share November 09, 1994's comic on:
Wally stacks binders on his desk chair and tells Dilbert, ". . . And if I pile enough binders on my chair I'll have a window view!" Wally stands on his chair and looks over the cubicle wall. Dilbert thinks as he walks away, "I've got to try that." The Boss hands Ted a binder and says, "Wow! I've never seen so much interest in our business plan!" Ted asks, "Can I have two?" Behind them, Dilbert, Wally and their co-workers stand on their chairs looking out of their cubicles.
Share November 12, 1994's comic on:
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally, Alice and Ted sit at a conference table. The Boss hands around a box of donuts and says, "One of these donuts contains a memo which fires the recipient." The Boss continues, "This seemed like the most humane way to reduce headcount." As they walk out of the conference room, Dilbert says, "How was your donut?" Wally replies, "The first two were great. The third was papery."