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View 191 - 200 results for how-to comic strips. Discover the best "How To" comics from Dilbert.com.

Idiots Don't Know They Are Idiots

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Idiots Don't Know They Are Idiots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, alice, ted talk, idiots, dumb, career, change, smart, possible, speak

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The Boss: I watched a Ted talk yesterday about how idiots don't know they are dumb. Alice: For the sake of my career, I hope you change the subject as soon as possible. The Boss: Did you know idiots believe they are smart? Alice: Must... Not... Speak...

Award For Cutting Costs

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Award For Cutting Costs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ceo, award, cutting, costs, department, underfunded, losers, awards, help

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CEO: I am proud to give you this award for cutting costs more than any other department. Dilbert: All of our projects failed because they are underfunded. CEO: How do you put up with these losers? The Boss: The awards help.

Catbert Personality Test

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Catbert Personality Test - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, applicants, personality, test, reliable, Astrology, reliability

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Catbert: All job applicants must take the Catbert personality test to see how well they will fit into our culture. Studies show the test is twice as reliable as using astrology alone. Man: Astrology has zero reliability. Catbert: You're not a good fit.

Carol Can't Get The Printer To Work

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Carol Can't Get The Printer To Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags carol, Dilbert, printer, work, priorities, yammering

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Carol: I can't get the printer to work can you help? Dilbert: Sure, I'll be there as soon as I finish my twenty-seven tasks that are all higher priorities. Carol: How long will that take? Dilbert: I got three new tasks while you were here yammering.

Everyone Does Their Job

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Everyone Does Their Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags coffee, deadline, Dilbert, fashion, jobs, negative, woman and dating

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Dilbert: We'll be ready by your deadline if everyone does their jobs in a timely fashion. Woman: How often does that happen? Dilbert: It has never happened. Woman: Then you're saying you won't be ready by the deadline. Dilbert: Why must you be so negative?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Wally, the boss, bad, technology, day, phone, freezing, printer, working, network, warning, lights, christmas, tree, laptop, boot, coincidence, permission, lock, lead-line, box, hero

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Wally: I'm having a bad technology day. My phone keeps freezing, my printer isn't working, and our network is down. Wally: My car's warning lights look like a Christmas tree, and my laptop won't boot up. Maybe its all just coincidence but I don't think we can take that chance. May I have permission to lock myself in a lead-lined box to protect the rest of the company? The Boss: How will I know you're really in a lead-lined box? Wally: YOu'll know because your phone will be working fine. The Boss: My phone is still working that man is a hero.

Dogbert's Pep Talk

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Dogbert's Pep Talk - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, virtual, forget, real, people, inadequate, talk

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Dilbert: I'm worried that if I spend too much time using virtual reality, I'll forget how to talk to real people. Dogbert: I doubt you could get more boring and inadequate than you already are.

Wally Covers For Alice

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Wally Covers For Alice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags alice, heat, thousand suns, vacation, Wally

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Alice: I'm back from vacation. Did you have any problems covering for me? Wally: No problem at all I saved all of your work for when you got back. Alice: I hate you with the heat of a thousand suns! Wally: How was your vacation? Was it relaxing?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, draft, same day, sloth, tardiness

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The Boss: I told you a week ago that I needed your first draft by today. This is exactly why I say bad things about you behind your back! I need employees I can rely on! Your tardiness and sloth cannot be rewarded. Dilbert: I gave you the first draft the same day you asked. In fact, I think you're holding it in your hand right now. The Boss: I'll be back when I figure out how this is still your fault.

Dilbert Consults His Bumper Stickers

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Dilbert Consults His Bumper Stickers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ceo, Dilbert, government regulations, marketing, question authority

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CEO: Government regulations prevent us from marketing our products the way we want. What should we do? Dilbert: I'll consult my bundle of bumper stickers for some guidance. "Question authority." CEO: How did you get so smart?