Questioning Employees Comic Strips - Page 20
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Boss: Are you sure the data you gave me is correct? Dilbert: I've been giving you incorrect data for years. This is the first time you've asked. Boss: What? Dilbert: I said the data is totally accurate.
CEO: I heard that while you were acting CEO you... murdered nine employees, bought an unprofitable start-up and embraced a new management fad that is nothing but ridiculous jargon and wishful thinking. No one likes a show-off. Boss: I swear it was just luck.
Boss: Our CEO was injured when a steamer trunk full of Rolex watches fell out of his luggage helicopter and landed on his yacht. Asok: They say time flies then you're having funds. Alice; Out intern is growing up so fast. Asok: The walk-off is what sells it!
Boss: Sheesh! It feels as if every employee is complaining about one thing or another today. Carol: Maybe it's because your leadership has turned this place into a skunk opera. Luckily, you don't understand analogies. Boss: That one is about singing.
Alice: Before we start my performance review, I should remind you that it would take three people to replace me. And I will resign at the slightest criticism, leaving you with a huge hiring and budget problem. Boss: This was supposed to make you nervous, not me. Alice: That think is so pre-Google.
Boss: Experts say managers should hire great people and set clear expectations. They don't say what to do when you get the first part wrong, but I'm leaning toward micromanaging. Alice: My employee engagement just went down. Boss: That was never a real thing.
CEO: How's our new flattened management structure working out? Boss: I'm seeing an uptick in fork attacks and insider trading. CEO: Now tell me the benefits. Boss: My sciatica no longer hurts. And my stock portfolio is way up.
Boss: Hello, ordinary workers. I am a new employee just like you. Alice: We're discussing the best way to kill our boss. Boss; You could kill him with kindness. Alice: I'm leaning toward strangling him with his own intestines.
Alice: Can I sign up for a workshop on how to deal with difficult co-workers? People will be using those methods against me, and I need to know how to thwart their countermeasures. Boss: Will you leave my office if I say yes? Alice: Where did you learn that trick?!!