Ted Comic Strips - Page 20
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Character
448 Results for Ted
View 191 - 200 results for ted comic strips. Discover the best "Ted" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday March 22,
2009
Tags budget, coffee, suggestion, anger, firing, meeting, business
Transcript
the boss says, "I need ideas on how we can cut spending." Wally says, bring back free coffee." the boss says, "That's the opposite of cutting spending." Wally says, "It seems that way if you're short sighted." Wally says, "When I buy my own coffee, I don't drink as much." Wally says, "That make me less alert and about half as productive." Wally says, "If you give me free coffee, you can fire Ted and come out ahead." Wally says, "I rest my case." The boss says, "I'm sorry Ted. Wally makes a compelling argument." zzz
Friday February 27,
2009
Tags yelling, budget, meeting, begging, confused, business
Transcript
The boss says, "Until the economy improves, we are instituting a mandatory week off every quarter." The boss says, "At least you'll have more time with your families." Ted says, Nooo!!! Not my family!!!" The boss says, "Problems at home?" Ted says, "May I please work without pay?"
Sunday February 08,
2009
Tags job, orders, leadership, idiocy, guessing, confusion, business
Transcript
The boss says, "Dilbert, I need you to take over Carl's function." The boss says, "He's already gone, but Ted can train you." The boss says, "Ted was sometimes in the general vicinity when Carl did the function." a cloud says, "Doom" Ted says, "Try clicking the red...no, blue...no, red button." Beep ted says, "Ooh, okay. I didn't expect that." ted says, "Now you either have to erase all of the servers or activate the fire suppression system in the clean room." Dilbert says, "What if I click 'Cancel'?" Ted says, "That's what killed Carl." Ted says, "Anyway, that's all I know. The rest is just common sense."
Thursday January 15,
2009
Tags help, Advice, work, fear, job, business
Transcript
Dilbert says, "In my spare time I came up with an idea for your project." Ted says, "Your idea is so good that it makes all the work I did for the past year a miserable mistake." Dilbert says, "You're welcome." Ted says, "I can't let you leave this cubicle alive."
Wednesday December 31,
2008
Tags anger, firing, frustration, rudeness, profits falling, worthless sack of monkey spit, birds ate brain, regurgitate pellets
Transcript
The Boss says, "Ted, profits are falling. I have to downsize you." Ted says, "You worthless sack of monkey spit! I hope the birds that ate your brain regurgitate pellets down your neck!" Ted says, "I have lots more, but I don't want to burn any bridges."
Tuesday December 30,
2008
Tags boss, dehumanizing, easier to downsize, employees, insulting nickname, meeting, osama, rudeness, enemy, business
Transcript
The Boss says, I have assigned a secret insulting nickname to each of you." The Boss says, "It's my way of dehumanizing the enemy so it will be easier to downsize you." Ted says, "The enemy?" The Boss says, "That's enough out of you, Osama."
Friday December 19,
2008
Tags blame, business failures/bankruptcies, scapegoat, troll to scapegoat, goat costume, take balme, another deadline, slapping goat
Transcript
The boss: I'm promoting you from legacy systems troll to scapegoat. Your job is to dress in a goat costume and take the blame for all of our projects failing. Ted: We milled another deadline. All in favor of slapping the goat...
Sunday December 14,
2008
Tags agree, disagree, idea, plan, terrible idea, worst ever idea, bordering irresponsible, disagrees with everyone, idea is awful, manipulate me, terrible tidea, dance puppet dance
Transcript
Dilbert: Do you have a minute to look t my terrible idea? It's the worst idea ever, totally impractical, and bordering on irresponsible. Ted: Why are you saying that about your own idea? Dilbert: Because you're one of those jerks who automatically disagree with everyone. I'm telling you my idea is awful so you will feel compelled to say it is great. Ted: Now that I know how you plan to manipulate me, it won't work. Dilbert: I'm so surprised to hear that you disagree. Now look at my terrible terrible idea.Dance, puppet, dance. Ted: THIS IS A GREAT IDEA!
Tuesday November 25,
2008
Tags coldness of the grave, dress it up, high in demand, mad, time, time management, waiting
Transcript
Ted: Who are we waiting for? Dilbert: Alice. She has poor time management skills. But she's try to dress it up by saying she's in high demand. Why do I suddenly feel the coldness of the grave.
Sunday November 23,
2008
Tags apologize for efficiency, apology, how far, meeting, reasonable assumptions, timeline for deployment, vacation, without knowledge of insight, business
Transcript
The boss: Let's figure out a timeline for development. Dilbert: Ted is the only one who knows anything about that. And he's on vacation. The boss: Let's see how far we can get without Ted. Alice: You mean without knowledge or insight? The boss: We can make reasonable assumptions. Dilbert: Or we could wait for Ted to come back tomorrow and ask him.. The boss: I called this meeting and it's not a meeting until someone's time gets wasted! Dilbert: I apologize for my efficiency. The boss: Apology accepted.


