Waste Of Time Comic Strips - Page 20
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1000 Results for Waste Of Time
View 191 - 200 results for waste of time comic strips. Discover the best "Waste Of Time" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday May 21,
2016
Managing Your Boss
Tags management, accountability, blame, time, time management
Transcript
Boss: Your project is three weeks behind schedule. Dilbert: That's the exact amount of time I was waiting for you to answer my questions. Boss: You need to manage me better. Dilbert: Okay, you're fired.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Sunday May 15,
2016
Tags expectations, unrealistic, project, group, laziness, prediction
Transcript
Boss: When do you expect to finish your project? Dilbert: Never. Boss: That's your plan? Dilbert: No, my plan is to be done in a week. You asked me what I expect. I base my expectations on the quality of people you assigned to my project without asking my opinion. The time-wasters outnumber the productive people on the team by three to one. Under that scenario, plus your total lack of leadership, the world will end before this project does. Boss: Then why is your plan to be done in a week? Dilbert: Because you don't like it when I tell the truth. Boss: Let's compromise on two weeks. Dilbert: Can we set those two weeks on auto-renew?
Friday May 13,
2016
Wally's Lateness Excuse
Transcript
Boss: Why are you two hours late for work? Wally: Your wife didn't want to bother you, so she called me and asked if I would go to your house and see if she left her curling iron plugged in. Do you believe me, or do you want to risk being the first person she calls next time. Boss: Well played.
Monday May 02,
2016
Do Not Talk To Ted
Tags secret, keeping secrets, deception
Transcript
Boss: Don't talk to Ted until I have time to tell him I cut his project. Dilbert: When will that be? Boss: I don't know. My European vacation starts tomorrow. Ted: Do you have ten seconds to talk? Dilbert: Check back in fifteen days.
Wednesday April 27,
2016
Miracle Of Consciousness
Tags jaded, blase, unimpressed, dating, relationships
Transcript
Woman: Do you ever marvel at the miracle of consciousness? Dilbert: No. People are just fish plus time. Woman: Does anything amaze you? Dilbert: This is my longest date ever! 49 minutes!
Sunday April 24,
2016
Tags time, freedom, free will, schedule, work load, stress, free time, breaks, lunch
Transcript
Boss: Schedule your training during your lunch hours so it doesn't impact your projects. Dilbert: But... my lunch hour is the only freedom I experience in a typical day. The rest of my time is either scheduled to the minute or driven by whatever crisis is happening. Please don't take my lunch hour and reduce me to nothing but a prisoner in a digital chain gang. I'm barely clinging to my illusion of free will as it is. This could push me over the edge. If you take away my one hour of freedom in the day, I might as well be a robot. Boss: Relax. This is temporary. Dilbert: For how long? Boss: Until I can replace you with a robot.
Saturday April 23,
2016
Elbonians Steal Encryption Software
Tags encryption, technology, national security, privacy, terrorism, terrorist
Transcript
Elbonian 1: I stole the enemy's encryption-breaking software. Elbonian 2: My phone doesn't have a hole for this. I think it needs an adapter or something. Elbonian 1: Is it time to admit we're in over our heads? Elbonian 2: Why are the heathens so good at this stuff?
Sunday April 17,
2016
Tags management, honesty, competition, criticism
Transcript
Boss: Why are our competitors beating us on the benchmark speed tests? Do they have better engineers? Dilbert: No, they have better management. Their management probably got them the budget they needed to do the job right. I"m guessing they were helpful, instead of being useless, blamecasting time-wasters. I hear you can do a lot when you have good management. I'll probably try to get a job with a competitor. They sound great. It is also possible they lied about their benchmark results. Boss: You should have said that first!
Thursday April 14,
2016
Checking The Time
Wednesday April 13,
2016
Don't Read Long Emails
Tags email, tldr, communication, assumption, honesty
Transcript
Man: You didn't answer my email. Dilbert: I don't read long email messages. Long emails are a sign of a disorganized mind. I try to avoid contact with that sort of person. Man: And yet, here I am. Dilbert: I didn't say it works every time.

