Charge Customers Comic Strips - Page 20

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

278 Results for Charge Customers

View 191 - 200 results for charge customers comic strips. Discover the best "Charge Customers" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fear, #inventions, #machine learning, #track customers, #machines take over, #annihilate all humans

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Our machine learning technology allows us to track customer preferences and use that knowledge to manipulate them. Dilbert: That seems like the step that happens right before the machines take over the earth and annihilate all humans. CEO: There's always one person in every crowd who says that. Dilbert: Not for much longer, apparently.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fantasy, #emotional connection, #fantasizing

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: We need to form an emotional connection with our customers. Wally: Does fantasizing count? CEO: Trade seats with me. Wally: I'm doing it right now.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #astroid intercept missle, #fate of earth, #scientific equipment, #united nations, #science

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Good news! We were the low bidder for The United Nation's asteroid intercept missile. The fate of Earth depends on your combined talents plus my management skills. Wally, you're in charge of fissile material, which I assume is a type of soda.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hunter gather roots, #office equipment, #ouge, #power cords, #rummages through trah, #trash into gold, #upgarde

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: Do you mind if I rummage through the trash in the technology lab? Dilbert: Um, okay. Coworker: I'm getting back to my hunter-gatherer roots. Score! These old power cords sell on Ebay for up to $3 apiece. Ha ha! I'm a genius who turns trash into gold! How's that compare to whatever you're doing here. Dilbert: Well, I'm removing valuable features from our product so we can.. gouge our customers with the... upgrade. Coworker: Wow. Your life is a total waste. Dilbert: Not if I sell the power cord.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #decison, #needs of decsion, #hour, #badger, #spiteful boss

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I need a decision, but it involves more than one variable and I know you can't handle that. I'll give you an hour to dither before I badger you into making the correct decision. The Boss: I'm going to dither for two hours just to show her who is in charge."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project, #customer calls, #can't deliver on time, #features needed, #getting waterboarded, #birthday, #price went up

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My project is on hold. Do you need any help on yours? Alice: Sure. Call these customers and tell them we can't deliver on time or with the features they need. Dilbert: Do you have any tasks that don't feel like getting waterboarded on your birthday? Alice: And tell them the price went up."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #improbable solution, #work problem, #one million, #business model

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I need an improbable solution to a work problem.Deus ex machina services. Dogbert says, "Sure. I charge one million dollars for each improbable solution." Dilbert says, "Okay, then I also need an improbable way to get things from you for free." Dogbert says, "Stop breaking my business model."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #workplace rumours, #idiot, #false rumor, #charging for rumors

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert's Rumor Control Ted says, "I need to squash a workplace rumor that I'm an idiot." Dogbert says, "I charge $10 for each false rumor and $1,000 for any rumor I decide is true." Ted says, "Sounds fair." Dogbert says, "Really? That just cost you $1,000."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss on vacation, #format reports, #link to widget, #satans fireplace, #32 degrees, #power

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I'm in charge while our boss is on vacation. When can you format some reports for me?" Carol says, "I'll send you a link to a widget that shows the temperature in Satan's fireplace. When it hits 32o Fahrenheit, I'll get right on it." Dilbert says, "And I was worried that the power would go to my head." Carol says, "Not as fast as this stapler will."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lying, #practice, #productive, #professional, #vacation

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I'm in charge while our pointy-haired boss is on vacation." Dilbert says, "I expect each of you to be professional and productive during this time." Wally says, "Nice lying." Dilbert says, "I practiced in front of a mirror."