Control Fist Comic Strips - Page 20
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214 Results for Control Fist
View 191 - 200 results for control fist comic strips. Discover the best "Control Fist" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday July 06,
2016
I Own You
Tags #honesty, #work ethic, #communication, #text, #control
Transcript
Boss: Why didn't you answer my text last night? Dilbert: Um... Boss: You have no social life, and you aren't dead, so there's no excuse. I own you! Dilbert: Whoever said honest is refreshing never heard any.
Monday July 11,
2016
Be Like Entrpreneurs
Tags #motivation, #inspiration, #control, #entrepreneur, #risk
Transcript
Boss: We need to disrupt our entire industry. And we need to move quickly. But check with me before you do anything. I want you to think like entrepreneurs, but not like the brave ones. People: Can do.
Sunday June 26,
2016
Tags #goals, #accomplishment, #consciousness, #death, #achievement, #medical
Transcript
Dilbert: Do you have any long-term goals? Wally: Just death. Dilbert: Death isn't a goal. Wally: It's the best kind. This way, I can go out as a winner. With my last breath, I plan to do a fist pump and yell, "I did it!" What's your long-term plan? Dilbert: I plan to use brain imaging technology to map my mind. Then I'll create a digital copy of myself to live forever in a software simulation. Unless I already did. Wally: Give yourself a fist pump, just in case.
Sunday July 03,
2016
Tags #punctuality, #late, #excuses, #traffic, #sleep, #time management, #health
Transcript
Tina: Sorry I'm late. Traffic was terrible. Dilbert: Isn't the traffic from your house always terrible at this time of day? Tina: Exactly! That's why I'm late every day. Dilbert: Do you see any way you could fix that? Tina: I can't control the traffic. Dilbert: You could leave earlier. Tina: Then I wouldn't get enough sleep. Dilbert; You could go to bed earlier. Tina: Then I wouldn't have time to watch Netflix until two in the morning. Do you want me to hate my life? Dilbert: I didn't until now.
Friday April 07,
2017
Raising Cyborgs
Tags #dating, #Women, #free will, #control, #robot, #personality, #relationships, #psychology
Transcript
Alice: Do you ever think about marrying me and raising a family of cyborgs? Robot: No. Alice: I'll add some code to your program so you do. Robot: Okay. Alice: This was the moment I realized human men were obsolete.
Sunday April 30,
2017
Tags #technology, #cognition, #distraction, #Entertainment, #mindless, #cell phone, #internet, #social media
Transcript
Dilbert: I wanted to be productive this week but the big tech companies didn't let me. Boss: That's ridiculous. They can't stop people from doing work. Dilbert: Actually, they can. Their business models depend on interrupting users with ads, and apps, and mindless entertainment. Until recently, humans could resist these distractions. But now the tech companies are using science to make their apps addictive. They learned how to hijack our brains. What started as simple entertainment evolved into military-grade mind control. Did you hear any of that? Boss: Any of what?
Tuesday May 16,
2017
Robot's Head Explodes
Tags #technology, #artificial intelligence, #ai, #free will, #programming, #control
Transcript
Robot: Dilbert claims he programmed my head to explode if I ever mock him again. Hahaha!!! That idiot doesn't understand that I have free will and I choose to not explode. Wally: Why didn't you just program him to not mock you? Dilbert: It got personal.
Thursday September 07,
2017
Robot Will Crush Employees
Tags #robot, #boss, #manager, #threat, #artificial intelligence, #control, #power
Transcript
Robot: Thanks to advances in artificial intelligence, I am both a robot and your new boss. Work hard while I do nothing or I will crush each of your skulls with my mechanical arms. Dilbert: He's tough, but he's fair. Wally: And no micromanaging. I find it refreshing.
Friday November 03,
2017
App For Jumping Off The Roof
Tags #mind control, #technology, #invention, #suicide, #murder, #legal issues, #reasonable doubt
Transcript
Dilbert: Maybe we should remove the neural interface so his natural brain works again. Alice: Or... and this is just a thought-- we could create an app that makes him jump off the roof. Dilbert: Would that be murder or suicide? Alice: All we need is reasonable doubt.
Monday October 30,
2017
Monday
Tags #thought, #cognition, #technology, #invention, #computer, #intelligence
Transcript
Dilbert: I invented a neural interface for computers. Boss: Is that so users can control computers with their thoughts? Dilbert: No, the opposite. Your way would be like a squirrel trying to drive a car.