Dead Horse Comic Strips - Page 20
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198 Results for Dead Horse
View 191 - 198 results for dead horse comic strips. Discover the best "Dead Horse" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday July 19,
2017
Internal Rules Versus Good Code
Tags #technology, #coding, #engineers, #logic, #corporate, #bureaucracy
Transcript
Dilbert: I finished coding the software, but I used a much better database than our company standard. ed: In other words, your software is terrific, but we won't be able to use it because or our internal rules. Dilbert: The alternative was to write sub-optimal code. I'd rather be dead. Ted: I curse my lack of authority!
Friday November 17,
2017
Ted Might Drop Dead
Tags #health, #monitor, #fitbit, #wearable tech, #heart attack, #diseases, #death, #prediction, #medical
Transcript
Boss: Ted, your performance is poor. I need to let you go. Ted: Is it a coincidence that you're firing me at the same time my employee health monitor detected cardiovascular disease? How good are the predictive analytics on this? Boss: Don't make lunch plans.
Saturday April 28,
2018
Aggressive Littering
Tags #guilt, #plea, #charges, #littering, #murder, #rich people, #discrimination
Transcript
Dilbert: I thought you were going to jail for murdering the clients of your cryogenic investment firm. Dogbert: I argued that my clients were already dead. The judge reduced the charge to "aggressive littering." Dilbert: You kicked two-hundred unfrozen brains into the river. Dogbert: You sound just like that angry prosecutor.
Saturday May 05,
2018
Dating A Skeleton
Tags #sex, #dating, #relationships, #questioning, #desperation
Transcript
Dilbert: Do you mind if I ask you a personal question? Skeleton: Go ahead. But if you ask me if I'm dead, there is no chance I'll be rattling bones with you later. What's your question? Dilbert: It can wait until tomorrow.
Saturday June 16,
2018
Reincarnation Advice
Tags #Advice, #motivation, #reincarnation, #death, #fussiness, #medical
Transcript
Narrator: Dogbert's Life Advice. Dogbert: I've reviewed your file. Your best bet is to live an unhealthy lifestyle, die young, and hope reincarnation is real. Man: Is it real? Dogbert: All I know for sure is that dead people are less fuss than you.
Monday July 16,
2018
Elbonian Sales Video Assignment
Tags #culture, #catch-22, #misunderstanding, #communication
Transcript
Boss: Dilbert, I'm putting you in charge of making a persuasive sales video for our Elbonian clients. Make sure you read their wikipedia page first so you understand the nuances of their culture. Wikipedia: In the Elbonian culture, showing someone a sales video is punishable by dead.
Sunday February 03,
2019
Tags #business, #business ethics, #construction, #inventions, #nature, #technology, #trees
Transcript
Dilbert: I invented a cost-effective product to harvest CO2 from the air and turn it into construction material. Asok: So...you invented a tree? Dilbert: What? Asok: Trees take CO2 from the air and turn it into wood. Your invention will compete with plants and trees for necessary CO2. It seems you have doomed all life on Earth. Dilbert: Not if people act rationally and stop removing the CO2 when...wait... You're right. I doomed the planet. Boss: I'll be dead by then, so ship it.
Sunday July 07,
2019
Layoff Package
Tags #business, #fire, #office, #office workers, #buyout
Transcript
dilbert, the boss and wally at conference room table. the boss: the company is announcing generous buyout packages for employees who elect to leave. dilbert: won't all the smart people leave first because they can easily get new jobs at higher pay? the boss: ummm... dilbert: if you don't get enough volunteers, will you start firing people? the boss: we have no plan to do that. dilbert: will you make a plan if too few people leave? the boss: oh, yes. dilbert: would it be fair to say the people who stay will envy the dead? the boss: um... one week later: the boss: how many took the offer? carol: it's just you now.